Cancer isn’t sexy or fun but I WON’T apologise for showing you can live with this disease
LET'S be very, very clear. Cancer is not sexy. And it’s not fun.
Nobody, myself included, tries to portray this hideous disease as such.
And yet some people feel the need to say things like, "oh you look so good on cancer", or "well the cancer diet is working".
I've even had, "bet you're grateful you've got cancer".
And my favourite is "your cancer treatment must be kind, because you still have your hair".
When you put yourself in the spotlight naturally you have to develop a thick skin.
You have to learn to let things bounce off, shrug your shoulders and remember tomorrow is a new day.
But sometimes, every so often, there's a comment or two that makes you stand up and think - and want to shout even louder!
Not only to tell cancer to f*ck off, but to tell anyone who questions those living with "invisible illnesses" to go do one too.
Cancer, or any long-term illness for that matter, "looks" different for everyone.
Through my social media I show my version of MY life with cancer - it's MY story.
But even my story has two sides.
I was dealt an unlucky blow at the age of 35 when stage 4 bowel cancer came calling.
But when it did, I had a choice. A choice to wallow in the crap that comes with cancer, or to put on a brave face and smile as much as possible through the hell hole journey that is chemo, operations and a life of uncertainty.
I chose to try and be me, the me before cancer.
And I chose to try and raise awareness of bowel cancer, to try and stop others from having to follow in my wake.
My way of doing cancer isn't everyone's cup of tea, but then neither was my pre-cancer party lifestyle.
Being positive doesn't give me or you a better prognosis sadly.
Research has shown it has no impact whatsoever on outcomes or disease progression - so feel free to be as moody as f*ck.
For me, being positive and showing I can have fun, be "sexy" and have a glass of wine has made me believe that the scary future I might face is far, far away.
That maybe, I might be the one to buck the trend.
Being positive makes the tough days easier to deal with.
Cancer strips pretty much everything away from you.
And just because I haven't lost my hair or my eyebrows doesn't mean I haven't experienced the brutality of cancer.
I sometimes ask myself if it would be more comforting for people to see photos of me crying every day, or the piles of medication I have to keep on hand?
Would it be better to know that behind the “sexy underwear” most days I’m in fear of wetting myself because my operations have left my bladder so weak.
My way of doing cancer isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but then neither was my pre-cancer party lifestyle
Is it comforting to know that I too have such bad neuropathy that I can’t walk in the dark unaided and spend most days in a haze of dizziness?
Would it help to know that I’ve thrown up four times this week when I’m not even on chemo because I’m left with a stomach that’s incredibly sensitive from having part of my bowel removed.
That I believe EVERY ache in my body is a new tumour.
Or that I wake up most nights in terror, fear of dying, that I can’t breathe, and most often in pain from my lung operations?
I too have fears - I have bad days and dark worries.
But I fight (and yes I mean fight) to keep them at bay.
THERE'S NO TIME 2 LOSE
I fight every day with tiredness. Tiredness that doesn’t get better with sleep. I force myself up and I force myself to live.
But that’s my choice because I've decided that there is only so much crying anyone can do!
And no it’s not easy. There are some days where all I want to do is hide under the duvet and you know what - I do that.
I don’t put pressure on myself to be or act a particular way.
If I want to exercise I do. If I want to eat McDonald’s I do. And most importantly if I want to drink wine I do!
If you are going through cancer too, you should feel free to deal with it how you see fit.
But there are a few things I make no apologies for:
Dressing up as a poo and telling you to check yours!
Together by raising awareness (in whatever way we see fit!) we can STOP bowel cancer.
It can be cured, if it's caught early enough - that's why The Sun launched the No Time 2 Lose campaign to help raise that awareness and help save lives.
Showing you can LIVE with cancer
I'm not saying it's a bed of roses but it's my life and I , like many others I know, want to make the most out of my rubbish situation.
Of course there are tears, but there is also dancing!
Let's stop scaring people, let's stop hiding away and being terrified of the word cancer.
Research has shown more people will live with cancer than die from it, in future.
Telling you about the benefits of exercise
Yes I don’t feel like it and yes my body hurts! Really hurts!
But recent research has shown that exercising while undergoing treatment can actually reduce fatigue as well as anxiety and depression. If it were a pill we’d all be overdosing on it.
Stripping off to proudly show off my scars
I make no apologies for taking my clothes off and proudly showing my scars - even when on a chemo pump.
Why? I’m going to be honest - people stop and look and then they ask questions.
Why am I doing that and why do you have scars? Then I tell them my story. And tell them to check their poo!
Cancer is the club you never want to be part of, but one in two people will join at some point in their life.
Therefore most of us will be touched by it.
So shouldn't we open the doors and accept and support each other, warts and all?
Each person will cope with cancer in different ways, and no one has the right to judge it.
We do what we need to do, to get through.
If you're going through cancer you need to have the freedom to cope with this however you feel works for you.
Don't feel guilty for sleeping and exercising, or not, drinking, or not, crying or laughing too much, or not crying or laughing enough.
THINGS CANCER MADE ME SAY
There's no "right way" to act, to behave.
So, if you know someone going through cancer, take their hand and tell them you're there with them, along for the ride.
Laugh at your different approaches and make the most of those rays of sunshine when they come along.
You may not want to shout "f*ck you cancer", so I'll just stand here, proudly showing off my scars shouting it on your behalf.
And that's just fine by me!
Come join the I’d love to hear from you about #thethingscancermademesay.
Tell me your journey, show off your scars, share what keeps you smiling, or how you are giving two fat fingers to cancer (or anything else for that matter!)
To contact me email [email protected] and you can also follow me on and