With cyberbullying on the rise, here’s how to guard your teen against the perils of social media
The number of children having counselling for cyberbullying has more than doubled in five years
BULLIES and predators reaching into kids’ bedrooms via smart phones and tablets is the modern parent’s nightmare. The number of children having counselling for cyberbullying has more than doubled in five years.
And apps connecting kids to strangers makes them easy prey for perverts, with an NSPCC study revealing that children are most at risk of being groomed when using Facebook apps.
But while many adults believe youngsters do not want them to pry into their lives on social media, the truth is that they secretly want digital protection.
Research by online magazine Internet Matters shows seven out of ten teenagers want their parents to set filters on their devices. Yet few parents do this.
New apps can alert parents if a child shares X-rated photos or aggressive messaging. And there are plans to force digital giants such as Facebook and Google, to recognise the rights of under-18s online.
Today, we highlight the problem, outline the latest apps and look at how you can keep kids safe online.
'When my sister was targeted I needed to act'
LUNA Banks, 23, and her sister Sasha, 11, have both been victims of abuse by cyberbullies.
Now the pair, from Ellesmere Port, Cheshire, have produced a powerful series of photos with the words used by bullies written on Sasha’s face.
Luna says: “In my teens I was a size 20 and cyberbullies started by messaging me on Facebook calling me a fat pig, ugly and disgusting. It went on for almost three years.
“When the cyberbullies attack it’s like a feeding frenzy. I was in constant tears and often frightened to leave the house. I didn’t know who was responsible for the attacks and didn’t trust anyone.
“I wasn’t eating and went from a size 20 to a size 10 simply because of a stress-induced eating disorder. I am still recovering from what they did to me.
“When Sasha was targeted I knew I had to lead from the front. She’s been cyberbullied for more than two years because of her success in pageants.
“Together we collected all the names she’s been called and wrote them on her face. We did a series of photos for her to use at pageants asking people to ‘face up’ to cyberbullying.”
Sasha says: “I have been called a freak, a midget, ugly, a slut and a bitch. I have been teased because I wear a hearing aid.
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“It was devastating. I started doing pageants to raise money for charities and build up my confidence.
“As part of the pageants I do modelling and when I put up pictures to show my mates, the cyberbullies were nasty.
“We’ve tried reporting these posts but by the time the social media operator acts, the fake accounts are shut down and others open up.
“I am so lucky I have Mum and Luna to help me. Luna checks my phone and feeds before I see them in the morning.
“If a bully sends a message I send it to spam. I don’t try to talk to them. We never engage with the cyberbullies because that’s what they want.”
'Sexting is normal for me. I wont stop'
JAMES, 17, from Northern Ireland, felt almost suicidal when his “sexts” were shared. But that will not stop him doing it again. James – not his real name – says:
“Sexting is pretty normal at my age. My friends and I talk openly about our experiences.
You do sometimes get a negative reaction to something you send, like people saying they’ve “seen bigger”.
It’s embarrassing but it doesn’t bother me enough to stop. My first experience of sexting was with a girlfriend when I was 16. She suggested it as a way to keep in touch when we were apart for a few weeks. We started by sending sexual texts, then it progressed to pictures, voice notes and short videos.
There are definitely risks involved. Someone saw a video message I had sent to a previous girlfriend, took a screenshot and posted it online. They called me a pervert.
I was devastated and, to be honest, almost suicidal. I got the picture taken down eventually but by that stage people had “unfriended” me and the damage was done.
I would say that if someone is pressuring you to send something you’re not comfortable with, the best thing to do is to cut off contact with them.
If you’re worried, don’t keep it to yourself and suffer in silence, there is always someone who can can help.”
Help for parents
PSYCHOLOGIST Dr Linda Papadopoulos, an Internet Matters ambassador, says: “Parents should look out for a change of behaviour in their kids. A child who was boisterous may suddenly become withdrawn, or a quiet one could get aggressive.
“Whereas once your son or daughter might have checked the phone in front of you, now they go into their room to do it. Or, if they ditch their phone for long periods, leaving it to charge in another room, that could be a sign something has gone wrong.
“Children want us to impose some kind of digital control.
“We wouldn’t let them eat as much chocolate as they like or stay up until 3am, so it feels weird to kids when we let them do what they like on their devices. It is OK to look at your child’s phone.
“But you need to make it clear you won’t cut them off from their friends if something goes wrong – otherwise they might not tell you about bullying.”
5 apps that filter out harm
IT has long been argued that tech firms could use algorithms to weed out predators and abusive messages. Now a British start-up has created an app using artificial intelligence to do just that.
SafeToNet filter assesses what is harmful and sends a warning before any damage is done. Developer Richard Pursey, inset, says: “Our app learns patterns in texts such as time of day, types of emojis and speed of message exchange. Rapid exchange indicates sexual heating- up or aggressive behaviour.”
We tested out SafeToNet and other parental control apps, rating them out of five.
Family Time
(£26.10 a year)
THIS allows you to block certain apps and limit the amount of screen time for users, and it will warn you about contact from unwanted people.
But it has no content filter, so children will be able to view porn and send sexual messages.
And you can only look at web history on Android devices.
Rating: 1
Qustodio
(£35.95 a year)
IT tells you what app your child is using and when, where and for how long. It will also show you which words have been searched for and offers a complete history of the sites visited.
But while it blocks searches for “porn” or “topless” you can still log on to Facebook 18-plus sites that show semi-nudity.
Rating: 3
SafeToNet
(£4.99 a month, first month free)
SEEMS to get around many of the problems of censoring what a child can see in the Wild West of social media.
It tells parents if children download inappropriate apps and offers restrictions on the time a device is used.
Extra filters for preventing bullying are in development.
Rating: 4
Kaspersky Safe Kids
(£14.99)
THE premium service lets you monitor the sites your child is on in real time. It allows access to mature sites but filtered out images with more explicit nudity.
Setting the controls is far from simple. And you will need your child to log on via Kaspersky’s own social media site to monitor Instagram.
Rating: 3
Norton Family Premier
(£29.99)
NORTON sends parents an email as soon as their child tries to log on to a questionable site. The system is effective at monitoring internet browsing and prevents a child seeing anything more than cleavage on Tumblr.
It also does a good job on videos. Apps and texts are a blind spot, however.
Rating: 3