I’m ashamed to send my son to school in nappies but I keep doing it as I don’t believe in potty training
Rachelle, currently a stay at home mum to Jacob, 3, refuses to potty-train her son - here's why
KIDS are starting school unable to speak properly, dress or even use the toilet, the head of Ofsted has warned.
Reacting to the report, blogger Rachelle Stanley, who is a stay at home mum to Jacob, 3, explains why she refuses to potty-train her son.
Jacob is a very bright child. He has picked up maths, English and grammar brilliantly.
While it took him a while to walk, he got there in the end.
That’s why I have to be patient with him while we get over this final hurdle.
He is in reception every day from 8:45 to 11:15 and on Tuesday until 3pm.
Yet he is the only boy in his class who still wears pull up nappies and who regularly wets himself.
The teachers are supportive about it, but I feel as though I can’t talk to anyone. I’m frightened people will judge me and in truth I'm a bit ashamed.
Jacob was a surprise.
Having children wasn’t something I had planned to do – but he is the perfect addition to our family.
We started trying to get Jacob to go to the loo a year ago and even then I knew I was leaving it a bit late.
When my mum taught me we didn’t do the potty stage, so that's why with Jacob I missed it out too and went straight to taking him to the loo.
The problem is he won’t tell me when he needs to go.
I’ve constantly got one eye on him and I’m looking for cues all the time.
If he is holding his crotch area through his trousers then I recognise he needs to go, but otherwise it is hit and miss.
I'm not being complacent either, I’ve looked everywhere for advice and spend hours pouring over the blogs.
The problem is what works for one child doesn’t necessarily work for another one.
Jacob isn’t a lazy child that sits in front of the television or tablet all day either.
He's active, loves to play football and he's even getting involved with the under-five local club too.
Since he started reception he is getting better.
He sees his friends ask to go and it is encouraging him to do the same.
Yet three days out of five he’ll still have wet himself.
It is part of my routine nowadays to send him to school with spare pull up nappies and a spare set of clothes.
One friend of Jacob’s comes to our house with his potty.
Jacob is curious about it - asking what it is and why his friend has one.
I don’t want to start him with the potty though as it will be a step backwards for him.
I have tried him a few times with it in the past but he hasn’t wanted to know.
I put him on the loo at regular intervals during the day, the problem is he often falls asleep.
It’s difficult to say if he likes the experience.
My mum is adamant that I need to persist with Jacob using the loo – she’s very helpful in the advice she gives me.
I’m really close to my parents and I know they are wise and give good advice - after all it worked for me.
I can’t talk to my friends about it though, it’s a pride thing.
It is the ultimate taboo that mums like me just don’t want to talk about.
It’s not that we don’t care – we do care very much – but there is a real stigma attached in being unable to do this.
I can’t bear the thought of being judged so I'm trying every trick in the book.
Jacob is car mad and has got a collection of over 200 Hot Wheel cars.
Every time he does successfully go to the loo we do buy him another car to motivate him to keep going.
It is the only thing holding Jacob back.
But everyone is different – and that includes each individual child’s development.
The school are supportive - I work closely with the teachers and ask them to take him to the loo even if he doesn’t ask to go. It's difficult for everyone because he’ll cry when he goes.
Unfortunately most times when I pick him up from school he’ll be wet and it will have soaked right through.
Most mornings when he wakes up he’ll have done a wee if not a poo while he has been asleep.
He is a great little sleeper and goes right through the night.
It does stress me out that he is the only one in pull-ups at school.
Even so I can’t fault the teachers, they don’t make me feel bad and they can see how hard I am trying.
Instead the teachers focus on the positives, explaining to Jacob that the big boys all wear pants and that soon Jacob will be too.
We practice all the time at home - at times I even let him sit in the wetness until he complains it is uncomfortable.
I want him to associate it with discomfort with the need to go beforehand - in the hope he won’t do it again.
Even though I’m a blogger, and open and honest about life, it is the one thing I can’t write about.
There is so much judgement loaded on us mums and if I am honest, it has put me off having another child.
I keep reminding myself Jacob is just at a different life stage to everyone else.
He’ll get there when he can.