Cancer opened my eyes, it’s taught me today is ALL that matters, that and the ones you love

IN a weird, perverted way, cancer really is the gift that keeps on giving.

It's not a gift anyone wants, and believe me most of the time it gives nothing but hell, misery and tears.

But, since being diagnosed with bowel cancer 18 months ago, I've actually learned some surprising things about myself.

So if there has to be some upside to this sh*t nightmare, then this is probably it.

1. I've beaten my fear of needles

I'll never love them, but I kind of had to learn to deal with them.

I get jabbed at on a weekly basis, so having a three-hour melt down each time, really is not an option.

Deep breathing and knowing it’s WILL be over quickly just about works.

2. I know what REALLY matters in life

Believe me...I'd rather you didn't have to go through cancer to work this one out.

All that really matters in life is the relationships I have, the people I love and the difference I can make to their lives.

I know I can make a difference by sharing my story.

I don't want anyone else to face this disease. And I don't want other families to have to go through what mine are.

We can stop bowel cancer, and we can all do our bit.

Learn the signs, be on high alert and speak to your doctor if you're worried.

I was 35, no one is too young - bowel cancer doesn't discriminate.

3. I can crack some wicked death jokes

If I don't laugh, I'll cry.

So laughing every step of the way has been a coping mechanism for me.

When friends were sending me "thinking of you" messages when my cancer spread, a dear friend also messaged me.

But she came out and asked: "Do you think we can get two for the price of one on funeral costs, if we die at the same time?"

No one else found it funny, but it brought me out of the dark place, my head, and put a smile on my face.

4. You really can give anything a go

Cancer doesn't have to stop you living your life.

Since I was diagnosed I've tried and achieved things I never thought possible - like being a Sun columnist, starting a podcast and writing a book.

I've been to new places, tried new things and try not to say "no" to new experiences.

You really can do anything you want, no excuse!

5. I can't stand negativity

I've got no tolerance for complaining, none, end of.

I have a new perspective on life, and when I have to listen to people whinging that they're not feeling great, I feel a rage burn inside of me.

Don't get me started on man flu, or a stomach bug. Frankly my sympathy threshold has shot way up.

Yes, you might feel rough, but imaging living that everyday - like when you have to have endless rounds of chemo.

When someone complains to me, I tend to just ask if it's going to kill them? And if the answer is "no", you won't find me offering a sympathetic ear.

6. Exercise keeps the mind happy - as well as the body

I've always been active, but I never really appreciated how important it is to keep my mind calm.

It's the perfect way to de-stress, and helps boost your immune system too.

I swear that by staying active, I've been better equipped to deal with all the treatment I've faced.

7. I'm mentally stronger than I ever realised

I don't have a choice, that's the reality of it.

Yes, I'm scared. I'm, petrified.

I lie awake at night gutted that I'm in this position, and it makes me really sad.

Sad that I might not see my kids grow up, sad that I love life so much but I might not have much time left.

I'm gutted that the statistics say I won't see my kids in their secondary school uniform, or be at their weddings, or meet any grandchildren.

But I wake up every day, find a smile at some point, keep myself busy and just get on with living.

I have no choice, I have to roll up my sleeves and  make the most of this time.

But, I've come to realise, to do that everyday really does require grit, resilience and a whole lot of determination, to continuously tell cancer who is in charge.

8. Today is all that matters

I used to live in the future.

Everything was put off "till later", or "saved for best", or added to a list to do "one day".

But when you might not have a future, you can only learn to live for today.

All you have is the moment.

Whether it's being cuddled up with your babies, having a picnic in the park, telling your kids to stop fighting...that moment becomes so important when you're not sure how many more you will have.

For me, life is about making memories today that will last a lifetime.

A lifetime I might be here to experience, but I hope by making these memories little parts of me will be carried into the future, by those I love.

...#F*ckyoucancer

I'm writing this from The Royal Marsden, waiting to have more scans to see if my cancer has reared it's ugly head again.

Cancer...I see you, I've got you, I'm going to f*cking kill you.

Go...f*ck off, run away and never come back!