Stacey Solomon: I’m preparing to move in with Joe Swash and discovered he stains every surface with fake tan and he uses his loo brush as a toilet roll holder
Our Fabulous columnist reveals what life is like living with boyfriend Joe Swash
SO after three years Joe and I are taking the plunge and blending our lives in our very own together home. Wahoo!
Three years doesn’t seem like a long time but it honestly feels like 30 to me – in a good way.
We have been working really hard to ensure that all of our children feel happy, comfortable and settled and we are finally in a place where we’re ready to merge.
For the last few weeks while I’ve been clearing out my home ready for the move, the boys and I have been staying at Joe’s so it’s been like a moving in trial.
Up until now, we’ve been staying at one another’s houses and spending most of our time together, but nothing quite prepares you for what it’s going to be like living with someone 24/7.
You notice EVERYTHING. At first every foible is very cute and endearing, but it only takes a couple of weeks for that to wear off.
For example, I have been getting up and heading to work early in the morning while Joe stays and looks after the boys.
In week one it was: “Aww they’re so gorgeous and peaceful and sweet and I love that they’re bonding and spending time together alone. This is everything.”
Fast forward to week three and it’s: “Oh my gosh wake up. It’s 7am, the sun’s up, do something and stop being so lazy.”
I’ve also learned that Joe is a one plate washer. After dinner he takes his plate to the sink and washes it up. Just that.
It’s almost as though he can’t see the pile of utensils I’ve used to cook the dinner, they’re completely invisible.
Note to self – must think of gentle nudges to encourage the washing of ALL dishes, not just our own. Maybe I’ll buy fluorescent kitchenware just so he can’t miss them.
On the bright side, he loves to mop. Yay! You can’t have it all.
In the last few weeks I’ve seen it all. He never opens and reads his mail, he has a fridge full of fizzy drinks and junk – which are completely banned from my house – and super noodles and eggs are his staple diet.
He watches scary documentaries and I want Disney/every rom com ever written. His bedtime is post 11pm. Mine is pre-10pm.
His DIY skills are non-existent – so much so that in the four years he’s lived in his house, the toilet roll holder is still in the bathroom cupboard waiting to be drilled into the wall, while the toilet roll has found its place on the loo brush next to the toilet.
And that’s when he remembers to buy loo roll. We’ve fallen short on a number of occasions where we’ve had to do things I never want to talk about – EVER.
The last few weeks of being under the same roof as him has put the relationship under a microscope
Stacey Solomon, 28
He has no idea how to do a weekly shop and what to buy, and he spray tans on a regular basis inside the house, leaving a constant green-brown tinge on all of the surfaces.
However, no matter how much these things would bug me if somebody else did them – and they really would send me over the edge – it has rarely scratched the surface.
Every time I see the one washed plate or I’m left without toilet roll at a crucial moment, Joe does something absolutely incredible and reminds me just how wonderful he is.
Let’s start with the simple fact that he has opened his heart and home to me and the boys 1,000 per cent with no questions asked.
What’s his is ours and he loves them as much as he loves me because he knows we come as a package.
At the moment, because we are moving, he only has his bed left. The bunk bed has gone and so sleeping arrangements are a challenge.
Without even having a conversation about it, he tucks me and the boys into his bed and resigns himself to a hammock he bought for himself for his balcony and spends the night clinging on to the sides in a desperate attempt to stay upright and get a few hours of shut eye until I leave for work and he climbs into bed.
Every night when I come home from work there is a fully run, perfect temperature bubble bath waiting for me.
Not even the orangey water from the spray tan residue is enough to put me of jumping in with a huge smile on my face.
He has endless amounts of time and love for my children and he is the most incredible father to his child.
It’s the most attractive thing about Joe and it’s what made me fall so deeply and madly in love with him.
Yes the last few weeks of being under the same roof as him has put the relationship under a microscope but that love is what prevents me from taking any notice of the ridiculous, superficial and very slight negatives.
He is a wonderful friend and role model for the boys and I’m so ecstatic at the prospect of spending the rest of our lives together as one.
I cannot wait for our new chapter to begin and to be able to wake up every morning and lay down every night beside him, all of us together under one roof.
My stomach does somersaults every day that edges closer to our moving date.
We’ve all got our weird and wonderful ways about us and Joe’s don’t bother me one bit. Besides, toilet roll is highly overrated.
Stacey previously revealed the reason she is happy to give her hairy legs an airing on holiday.
Last week she told how boyfriend Joe Swash changed her life and made her love herself, just like Love Island’s Megan with Wes.
And she revealed she has tried Botox and why she would never do it again.