The things you should NEVER say to someone who’s suicidal – and the best ways to help them
When someone is suicidal it's important you know the right thing to say so you don't make them feel worse about their situation...
WHEN someone you know is suicidal it can be difficult to know what to say.
You love them, you want to help them but you're terrified you'll say the wrong thing and make it worse.
It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes. And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Anyone can be affected, but we can all do our bit to help prevent deaths from suicide.
That's why The Sun has launched the You're Not Alone campaign, to remind those in the grips of mental illness that there is hope, and to encourage people to watch out for the warning signs a loved one could be in trouble.
Something as subtle as a change in attitude, or a friend withdrawing from the group, could be a key warning sign something is wrong, experts told The Sun Online.
"A person who is at risk can be extremely good at covering it up.
"However, if someone you love seems low in mood or depressed, it’s important to ask the right direct questions to find out the level and immediacy of the risk."
- Don't minimise or play down their situation - take it extremely seriously, always, when someone says they are feeling suicidal
- Don't say "It will get better" or "You’ll be all right" - it may be impossible for them to envisage that, in the midst of deep depression. It can often be more helpful to let them know you empathise with their situation, try saying "I can hear how extremely low/ depressed/distressed you are feeling".
- Don't tell them it's selfish to feel that way - a person who is feeling suicidal is in deep emotional pain. They are thinking in a way they would not think if they were well or if they were not highly distressed. They are not themselves at this point.
- Don't say "Stay strong" - it implies feeling suicidal may be "weak", but it is not about strength or weakness. Every one of us has a limit to what we can endure, a suicidal crisis can happen to any one of us. It takes huge courage to say that you are feeling suicidal and to seek help. We should be emphasising that.
What you should say...
Now you know what you shouldn't say, here are some potentially life-saving questions you can ask:
- Are you feeling suicidal? Don’t be afraid to ask this, then move on to the questions below
- Have you thought about how you would do it? You need to know whether they have thought about a method already, because this shows they are further along in their plans. If they say yes, then ask:
- Do you have it already? or ask if they have thought about where they would go, if they specify a location for a suicide attempt. Then ask:
- When are you planning to do it? This tells you how immediate the risk is. If it’s today, the quickest way to get help is to take the person immediately to an Accident and Emergency department at the local hospital. Or call 999 or 111 if you cannot take them there yourself.
It's also a good idea to remind the person how much they mean to you, everything about them that makes them unique and special, let them know you are there for them and want to help and encourage them to seek professional help with your support.
What should you do if you think someone is at risk?
Letting someone know they have somewhere to turn to, a shoulder to cry on, a person to vent at, someone who will listen can help lift a weight from their shoulders.
"When somebody is really struggling with life often a person noticing that they are going through a difficult time and reaching out to offer help and being prepared to listen to them, it can be an extremely powerful sense of release," Lorna added.
"There is no right thing to say, necessarily, it's just about having that conversation with someone and letting them know you're there for them if they want to talk.
"We need to make these part of an everyday, normal conversation so there isn't such a barrier when it comes to talking about mental health.
"Even if you just ask someone 'are you OK?', gives a simple yes or no answer.
"You could also say things like 'I've noticed you've been going through a rough time lately, do you want to talk about it?' - it's just about letting them know you are there if they want to talk."