Realise it’s a fantasy, stop setting life goals and learn to take criticism… seven steps to beat sadness and loneliness caused by social media
FOUND yourself scrolling through Facebook and, before you know it, two hours have passed?
Us too.
Even worse, social media is making us feel lonely and sad, a study has found.
New book Why Social Media Is Ruining Your Life aims to redress the balance, and here author Katherine Ormerod offers seven steps to help you beat your online blues.
GET REAL ABOUT THE FANTASY
Remember how easy it is for you to be selective about what you share?
Well, everyone else feels that pressure to present their best selves too.
And if something looks too good to be true, that’s because it is.
Consider if these “perfect” women make you feel inadequate because they seem better at taking care of their baby or if you are just envious that they seem rich and have a nice kitchen.
All children cry and wake up in the night needing a feed.
They are a challenge. So if it doesn’t look like that on social media, you know it can only be fantasy.
Unfollow at will.
LET GO OF THE MILESTONES
If seeing other people hit milestones makes you feel inadequate, ask yourself why.
Why do you need to be on a timeline?
or a ladder of equally spaced rungs.
Life is topsy-turvy and generally not compliant with our plans – try to let go of those “I should be married/a mum/a millionaire by now” thoughts.
FEED YOUR CONFIDENCE, NOT YOUR DEMONS
Every woman has hang-ups about her body.
But if looking at Fitspo stars or models online is making you feel consistently low it could be time to write a body-positive list.
Identify the things that you are proud of or else feel a sense of acceptance about – get a friend to help if it feels hard.
Then every time you feel those body anxieties creeping in, refer back to the list and say the words to yourself.
It sounds far-fetched but it really does work.
LEARN TO TAKE CRITICISM
You cannot please everyone – and people might form an inaccurate impression of you.
Criticism can be hard to take – but the key is separating the constructive from the plain mean.
Delete or disregard the unconstructive.
Engaging with aggression will only fan the flames.
Respond to positive feedback and put negativity into context – if you have got countless supportive messages, focus on those.
DO NOT ALLOW YOUR DIGITAL PERSONA TO OVERWHELM YOU
Is the digital version of your life pure fiction?
If you look at your profile and have trouble connecting it with your real life or, worse, prefer who you are online, you could end up unhappy.
Consider mixing your relentless positive spin with occasional more realistic posts and admissions of challenges.
Not only will your followers appreciate your honesty, but having a more balanced profile will help curb any anxiety around living up to a manufactured ideal you.
Basically, cut yourself some slack.
CONNECT EMOTIONALLY OFFLINE
Feeling cut off from friends?
Be honest about which of your relationships are priorities – then cull.
That sounds heartless but will give you time to connect deeply with the few instead of superficially with the many.
Tell your best mates you want more time with them in person.
If they have a problem with that, they deserve to join your cull list.
Also, be more open to making new friends offline.
IF ALL ELSE FAILS . . . PAUSE THE SCREENS
If your self-esteem is constantly taking a knock, take a break from all social media to regain some perspective.
Delete the apps from your devices (rather than actually deleting your accounts) and re-download them when you’re ready to come back.
Meanwhile iOS app Moment shows you which apps are draining your time.
Or try the Freedom app – it lets you block access to distracting sites and apps for set times each day.
Why Social Media Is Ruining Your Life, by Katherine Ormerod (Octopus, £12.99)
