Girlfriend explains what it’s really like when your man’s best friend is a woman after Bradley Cooper’s steamy Oscars performance
We meet a woman who feels like the third wheel in her own relationship and find out how the other two feel
IT was the Oscars’ most talked-about performance – and it wasn’t confined to the stage.
Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga’s obvious chemistry raised eyebrows as they performed the song Shallow from A Star Is Born.
They later laughed off rumours of a romance, claiming it was part of the show. But how easy is it for partners left looking on from the sidelines?
Here, JENNY FRANCIS meets a woman who feels like the third wheel in her own relationship… and finds out how the other two parties feel about their unusual relationship.
Plum, 22 — The girlfriend
GIRLFRIEND Plum Lea, 22, was initially threatened when she saw how close her partner, James Taylor, was to his best friend, Jade. The estate agent from Maidenhead, Berks, struggles with feeling left out at times but insists trust is key.
She says: “James and I met on Tinder 18 months ago. After a week of messaging I threw caution to the wind, jumped in the car and drove to meet him in the flesh. The rest is history.
“It was four days later he told me about his best friend Jade. He was very open about it from the start, which made me feel more at ease with it all.
“I have male friends, so why should I be worried? But when I found out one of his previous girlfriends had been so jealous of Jade that she’d tried to ban him from texting her – eventually ending the relationship because of it – I became a little worried.
“I questioned him about how often he was in contact with her.
“He was super-honest and said every day, and that I could read their messages if I was worried. He told me his female bestie was his ‘celibate soulmate’. I immediately felt threatened and whenever I saw her name on his phone I’d be angry – but I never wanted to bring it up for fear I’d look insecure.
“Things didn’t get better when I met her a month later. We went on a trip to London and she rushed into his arms, hugging him like a long lost girlfriend.
“They even kissed on the lips – a quick peck but I was stunned. She was lovely to me but they had so many in-jokes and coded language. I often felt I was on the outside. Jade kept telling me what a lucky girl I was.
“She had an encyclopaedic knowledge of his dating history and even when I was sat holding his hand, he’d brush her hair from her face or she’d touch his arm. I felt like a third wheel but James was still affectionate and told Jade how happy we were.
“As time went on and my friends met James and Jade, I was reminded how close they were. Some of my mates asked me if they’d dated and one insisted: “They’re definitely sleeping together.”
“I was so thrilled to have James but embarrassed how close he and Jade were.
“I confronted him about four months in, asking if he had any feelings for her. He was great. He didn’t laugh or get angry – he just reassured me.
“James was always attentive, bought me gifts, texted and called all the time so I knew he loved me. But I decided to ring Jade and ask her straight out if she had a thing for James or if they’d ever hooked up.
I rang Jade and asked her straight out if she and James had ever hooked up
Plum
“She told me bluntly that she was his mate and that he loved me. We talked for ages about how he isn’t her type – and I realised she wasn’t lying.
“Since then, she and I have become mates as well. I’m totally confident in my relationship with James and while sometimes I still feel a bit like a third wheel when it’s just us three, I don’t feel threatened.”
Jade, 20 — His best friend
FRIEND Jade Venter, a make-up artist from Egham, Surrey, says she would struggle without her best friend James.
The 20-year-old admits she thought he was hot when she first met him but quickly realised he wasn’t boyfriend material.
Jade says: “When I first met James I was attracted to his looks, but as soon as we started to bond over dirty jokes, big nights out and not giving a damn about what other people thought, I realised he was the perfect lad-best-friend, not a partner.
“I find it hard to have strong female friendships – I just find girls quite needy in friendships.
“I’m not interested in settling down. I date occasionally, but my career is important – men can wait.
“That’s why it’s nice to have James, I guess. We are a bit touchy – but we know it’s nothing sexual.
“It fulfils that human need for touch, and I know he’s always there on the phone to text if I need him – but he’s not needy like a girl, and there is never any bitchiness between us.
“James has always been useless with choosing the right girl for him so I was thrilled when I met Plum as I thought she was great.
“I didn’t tone down any of my natural behaviour with James when I first met Plum as I didn’t see the need to.
“I totally understand that it might seem weird, but if a girl is to be with James she has to respect our friendship too.
I realised James was the perfect lad best friend, not a partner
Jade
I respected Plum when she asked me if James and I had slept together.
I’d heard the rumours many times before and was happy she had come to me directly rather than asking other people.
I know how Lady Gaga feels. She and Bradley clearly hit it off friendship-wise and they have amazing chemistry.
They shouldn’t be ashamed of their behaviour. It’s time men and women who were besties didn’t hide their friendships.
James, 22 — The boyfriend
BOYFRIEND James Taylor, 22, is a postman who lives in Southampton. He believes honesty is the best policy when you are friends with someone of the opposite sex.
He says: “Plum and Jade are the two most important women in my life.
“For years I’d been living the single life, dating lots of different girls, but Plum is the one who has shown me a monogamous relationship is amazing when you find the right person.
“She’s perfect and I knew that early on, which is why I made sure I mentioned Jade in the first few days.
“Jade and I are not sexually attracted to each other and never have been. In fact, sometimes I forget Jade is a girl because to me she’s just this fantastic mate I have so much in common with.
“I’ve known her since 2015 when she did my make-up for a student fashion show.
“We quickly found out we have a lot in common and had been travelling to similar places. We had mutual friends and just loved hanging out.
“She’s wild, she can beat me at any drinking games, is not scared of anything and was always helping me with DIY problems or girl trouble.
“At first our friends assumed we slept together but they soon realised that wasn’t the case.
“It’s annoying that people don’t understand that men and women can be best friends and not be having sex. It’s caused problems in the past with girlfriends who cannot stand it and are too jealous, so I’ve just had to let them go.
“Of course I know it’s not easy, but when Plum told me she had concerns, I always made sure I gave her proper explanations and didn’t laugh at her as it’s important to talk these things through.
“Jade always answers the phone – she tells it to me straight and I love the fact she’s never tried to hit on me.
“I know why Plum confronted her – it actually helped solve the problem.
Jade and I are not sexually attracted to each other and never have been
James
“Plum can sometimes feel left out of our conversations, but that’s no different to a guy and his best male friend having ‘in-jokes’ and a girlfriend feeling a bit sidelined.
“Jade and her friends have loads of conversations about their pasts that I’m not involved in. That’s normal.
“I feel sorry for Bradley Cooper. He probably thinks he can’t please anyone, but if Irina trusts him then they’ll be fine.
“Plum brings out the best parts of me as a partner and Jade brings out the best parts of me as a friend.
“I don’t care if people slag us for being “lovey dovey”. My response would be they should mind their own business.”
- GOT a story? RING The Sun on 0207 782 4104 or WHATSAPP on 07423720250 or EMAIL exclusive@the-sun.co.uk