We wed after three weeks…I’m proof that a whirlwind marriage like Ben Foden’s CAN work
DO whirlwind weddings ever last? Rugby’s Ben Foden married Jackie Belanoff Smith shortly after getting divorced, following just two weeks’ dating.
Louise Van Der Velde, 45, of Harrogate, North Yorks, went out with Stephen McEwen for just three weeks before marrying. Here, the sex therapist tells Georgette Culley her story.
'I NEVER dreamed I’d marry someone after a few weeks of knowing them — but that’s exactly what happened.
It was 1997 and I was 23. Stephen, then 27, mistakenly knocked on my front door looking for a friend of his.
He was tall, dark and handsome. He had me at “hello”. It was love at first sight.
We couldn’t take our eyes off each other and he seemed to have forgotten about his friend, so I invited him in for a cup of tea.
The minutes rolled into hours and we were still chatting away.
Not wanting him to leave, I invited him out to watch a band with me and we ended up kissing.
He stayed round at my house and never left.
We were inseparable.
One week in, he told me he loved me. I felt the same and we made love.
I’d slept with just four men so sleeping with someone so quick seemed like a big step for me. But there was a sense of knowing we were going to be together for ever.
Two weeks later, he booked us a holiday to Spain. We hired a boat and sailed the Mediterranean.
At sea, he got down on one knee and popped the question. He had been planning it from the moment we met.
I burst into tears and said yes as he slipped the sparkling diamond solitaire on my finger.
NEVER HAPPIER
After enjoying the moment, we excitedly called our family and friends. My mum was furious and told me I was making a huge mistake! My friends were supportive but thought we were bonkers.
Stephen’s family weren’t happy either. Everyone thought it would end in tears.
A week later — after just three weeks of knowing one another — we flew to Las Vegas and tied the knot.
I bought a glitzy evening dress and Stephen bought a suit.
As we stood holding hands at the altar of the little Elvis Chapel, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
“Elvis” asked: “Do you promise never to step on his blue suede shoes? Will he always be your teddy bear?”
“I do,” I giggled, as Stephen squeezed my hand.
That night, over dinner, Stephen looked at me and said: “Everything in Vegas is big — the buildings, the steaks and, since meeting you, my heart.” It was the perfect day.
In the UK, we had a reception at a 5H hotel in Harrogate and invited 100 guests.
I wore a white veil and the same diamante-studded evening dress I’d bought in Vegas. I’d never met Stephen’s best man before.
FRIENDS THOUGHT WE WERE BONKERS
Naturally, all the speeches focused on how bonkers we were. But friends said we’d never seemed happier.
Stephen’s parents weren’t pleased but they came along.
We had our first dance to Love Me Tender. I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. I’d met my Prince Charming. But a couple of months in, cracks started to appear. He’d been lying about his whereabouts. Instead of going to work he’d been hanging out at a friend’s house.
When I confronted him, he told me work was stressing him out and he needed some time away. It came as a huge shock, as I thought he was stable and reliable.
He also dropped another bombshell — he had cheated in previous relationships.
I thought: “Oh God, I don’t know him that well. What have I done?” I began to worry about who I’d married.
Back then, I believed in monogamy and feared Stephen would stray. But I sat him down and spoke honestly about my concerns. I put my worries to bed and decided to trust in Stephen.
THINKING ABOUT SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE
A few months later, we decided to move to Spain. We liked the Mediterranean life-style and thought it was a nice place to start a family. There, our relationship flourished.
We opened two private doctors’ practices and had more than 2,000 clients. In 2001 — four years after tying the knot — we welcomed our daughter into the world.
We had been happily married for eight years when Stephen suddenly came home and told me: “I’m thinking of sleeping with someone else. How do you feel about it?”
My world came crashing down. I was brimming with jealousy. Why would he want someone else?
We had our ups and downs but our sex life was good. There were no complaints in that department. I needed time to think — but after two weeks I agreed.
“You can see other people,” I told him. “But so will I.”
We promised to always be honest. We embraced the “poly” lifestyle until Stephen tragically died in 2004 after a fall while out walking in Durham.
Since losing him, I have continued to have open relationships — and I love it. Whirlwind marriages can work but only if the couple are on the same page.
MOST READ IN FABULOUS
My advice to Ben Foden would be to reassess those vows every couple of years. He has a history of cheating and patterns repeat themselves.
They need a plan in place, as studies show we typically stay sexually attracted to a person for between about 18 months and three years.
But it’s not all doom and gloom.
With the right people, whirlwind marriages can work.
I am living proof of that.'
- To read Louise’s relationship advice, visit her site at .