I’m a single mum & couldn’t afford to buy my son a birthday or Christmas present, it’s heartbreaking
CELEBRATING your child’s birthday by finally buying them that toy they’ve been yearning for is something many mums revel in.
But Destiny Shirkhani-Walton’s heart breaks every time her son’s birthday nears. Because the 23-year-old single mum from Bournemouth, Dorset, cannot afford to buy Ceejay anything.
“I am wracked with guilt, self-loathing and depression about it,” Destiny tells Fabulous. “A few weeks before his fourth birthday on May 6, I was chasing Ceejay around Lidl while doing the weekly food shop and my heart just sank when he discovered the toy section.
“He picked up a small Thomas The Tank Engine figurine, priced at £14.99, and said to me, ‘Please Mummy, I’ll be good. Can I please have it for my birthday? Just one thing’. He rarely asks for anything, but I couldn’t afford to buy it so I told him to put it back on the shelf.”
Rather than gifts, Destiny marked his birthday with a trip to the park and her mum brought him a small present and cake.
Destiny is faced with making tough choices daily while trying to do the best for her son. They sleep together in the same bedroom to keep heating costs down, and swap clothes with friends to ensure they have well-fitting items to wear.
- Give clothing, toys and essentials to a baby bank, wherever you are in the UK.
- Give your time volunteering. To find your nearest baby bank, visit .
“I’ve lost count of the number I’ve times I’ve had to wipe away my tears while out shopping with my son. It’s utterly heartbreaking,” she says.
“I regularly choose between buying a loaf of bread or topping up the electricity meter. The idea of a birthday party for Ceejay was completely out of the question, it would be too expensive.”
Throwing a children’s birthday party totals, on average, £320, according to a study by the UK’s leading money-saving brand, Voucher Cloud. Meanwhile, parents fork out an average of £175.80 on birthday presents.
“Those figures might as well be in the millions, they are so out of reach for me,” says Destiny. “I know whenever I pop to the shops, I’ll be scraping pennies together just to buy milk.”
Sadly, being able to treat Ceejay isn’t something new. “I speak from experience. Last Christmas I couldn’t afford presents for him. Even small stocking fillers in the poundshop were out of my budget.
“My mum has been a lifesaver. I asked her not to spend any money on me and just to buy Ceejay a couple of things. That way I didn’t have to explain why Santa hadn’t been. In the lead up, I’d wake up in cold sweats worried about him having nothing to open. I’m already terrified about this coming Christmas.”
Destiny says she has no savings, doesn’t drink or smoke, and doesn’t get her hair or nails done.
She adds: “I’m not complaining; I am a grafter. I just know so many mums and dads like me are living in single-parent poverty and feel ashamed to admit it.
I am wracked with guilt, self-loathing and depression about it
Destiny Shirkhani-Walton
“It’s 2023 and as a single mum I can’t afford to top up my electricity meter, buy enough food to ensure I eat three times a day and buy my son presents. Sometimes I have less than a pound to get me through the week.”
An exclusive poll of 2,000 mums for Fabulous’ Baby, Bank On Us campaign found that 15% can’t afford to buy their children birthday presents this year, while 35% can’t afford to throw a party.
Sixty-eight percent believe the cost-of-living crisis has had a detrimental effect on their mental health, while 60% say they have trouble sleeping because of money worries.
Former care worker Destiny fell pregnant with Ceejay in September 2018. “I was over the moon but Ceejay’s father is not involved with his care. I don’t receive any maintenance from him,” she says.
I regularly choose between buying a loaf of bread or topping up the electricity meter
Destiny Shirkhani-Walton
“I had to quit work to care for him. I didn't have maternity leave and because of childcare costs had to claim Universal Credit. Since then, I have been trying to find part-time work. Ceejay is now in nursery school three days a week for five hours a day, which is the amount every child aged three gets for free.”
Destiny would love to work - but she’s struggling to find flexible employment. “If I go full-time I won't earn enough to pay for his full-time nursery and I don't have any family who can care for him for free. It’s a terrible catch 22 situation,” she says.
What are baby banks?
- Baby banks provide essential items for babies and young children whose parents are living in poverty – including nappies, wipes, clothing, bedding, Moses baskets, cots, blankets, toys and books.
- There are over 200 baby banks in the UK, and they run out of shops, community centres, warehouse units and even people’s living rooms and garages.
- Last year 4.2 million children in the UK were living in poverty and 800,000 children lived in a household that used a food or baby bank.
“I do work to show my son about giving back. It also adds to my resume skills. I’m constantly applying for jobs in care work. I do a maths course once a week and next month I begin a teaching assistant course. After that I hope to be accepted to a trainee nurse program.
“I hate being on Universal Credit and want to make my little boy proud by becoming a nurse.”
I hate being on Universal Credit and want to make my little boy proud by becoming a nurse
Destiny Shirkhani-Walton
Destiny gets by on £1250 a month universal credit, which is made up of a housing allowance, jobseeker’s allowance and child benefit. She pays £850 rent for a two-bedroom flat and has cut her food bill to £100 a month.
“My energy and council tax bill has gone up, as have my food bills. My Universal Credit is set to be adjusted in line with inflation but it’s hard to make ends meet,” she says.
“There are days when I don't eat or have one meal a day so Ceejay has food and heating. It’s a sacrifice I am happy to make but it’s wearing me down.
“To ensure I kept the lights on this summer, I have had to rely on a National Energy Action charity. You take the £140 voucher to the shops, and they put it directly onto the electric meter. I also received a £100 Household Support Fund grant.”
Destiny has also had to visit a local food bank three times in the last six months, and says a baby bank would be a lifesaver.
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“I can’t find a baby bank near me but I’m going to keep looking. If I could be gifted toys for Ceejay, that would be amazing,” she says. “I could donate them back when he’s outgrown them to help other families.
“The sense of feeling stuck and in a downward spiral is something many families now face. No mum should ever feel the pain of not being able to give their child a birthday present.”
BABY BANK LOCATIONS
BELOW is a selection of baby banks by region. See the web address at the end of the page to find contact details for all the country’s baby banks
- North West
Baby Basics Bolton & Bury, West Lancashire
Baby Basics Carlisle, Cumbria
Baby Basics South Lakes, Cumbria
Baby Basics, Cleator Moor, West Cumbria
Trafford Little Bundles, Lancashire
TippyToes BabyBank Preston, Lancashire
Salford Baby Bank, Lancashire
Snowdrop Doula CIC Burnley, Lancashire
Cascade Baby Bundles, Audenshaw, Cheshire
The Baby Room at Spinners, Leigh, Lancashire
The Healthy Gems Baby Bank, Oldham, Lancashire
NCT Mid Cheshire
NCT Preston Baby Bundles, Lancashire
KidsBank Chester, Cheshire
Motherwell Pass It On Baby Bank, Winsford, Cheshire
Hyndburn Baby Bank, Accrington, Lancashire
- North East
Growbaby Newcastle, Tyne & Wear
Love, Amelia, Sunderland, Tyne & Wear
Birth Bath and Beyond, Scarborough, North Yorkshire
Clothe and Feed South Shields, Tyne & Wear
Clothe and Feed Sunderland, Tyne & Wear
Rosie's Corner, Hexham, Northumberland
Stockton Baby Bank, County Durham
Darlington Baby Bank, County Durham
Baby Basics Darlington
Growbaby Hull, Yorkshire
Little Acorns Baby Bank Durham, County Durham
Hartlepool Baby Bank, County Durham
- North
Growbaby Teeside, Thornaby, Stockton-on-Tees
Baby Basics Leeds, West Yorkshire
Baby Basics Doncaster, South Yorkshire
Leeds Baby Bank, West Yorkshire
Baby Basics Sheffield, South Yorkshire
Birth Bath and Beyond Scarborough, North Yorkshire
Bradford Baby Bank, West Yorkshire
POPI Baby Bank Keighley, West Yorkshire
Rainbow Baby Bank Heckmondwike, West Yorkshire
Stepping Stones Baby Bank Wakefield, West Yorkshire
Calderdale Lighthouse, West Yorkshire
Tiny Hands Baby Bank Pontefract, West Yorkshire
Growbaby York, North Yorkshire
- South West
Ashley's Birthday Bank, Christchurch, Dorset
Baby Bank Network Bristol
Baby Basics Gloucester, Gloucestershire
Baby Basics Cornwall
Baby Basics Plymouth
Brighter Bristol Storehouse, Bristol
Baby Basics South, Ilminster, Somerset
Growbaby Tiverton, Devon
Children's Storehouse Plymouth, Devon
Uplift Tiverton, Devon
Exeter Baby Bank Network, Devon
Little Lighthouse Baby Bank Wythenshawe, Manchester
Baby Bundles Wiltshire
The Nest Project, Bath, Somerset
Gloucestershire Bundles, Gloucester
Open Door Exmouth, Devon
Forest of Dean Baby Bank, Gloucestershire
Small Stuff Baby Bank, Radstock, Somerset
Stroud District Kid's Stuff, Gloucestershire
Teignmouth Baby Bank, Devon
Ten Little Toes Baby Bank, Cowfold, West Sussex
Growbaby Swindon, Wiltshire
- South East
Baby Bank & Beyond (South Wealden) CIC (Hellingly), East Sussex
Sebby's Corner Borehamwood, Hertfordshire
Stevenage Babyshed, Hertfordshire
Baby Basics Billericay, Essex
Growbaby Whitstable, Kent
Growbaby Aylesbury, Bucks
Baby Basics Bromley, Kent
Best Start Baby Bank, Eastbourne, Sussex
Basildon Borough Baby Bank, Essex
Growbaby Maidstone, Kent
Growbaby Rayleigh, Essex
Baby Basics Chelmsford, Essex
Growbaby St Albans, Herts
Growbaby Hemel Hempstead, Herts
Precious Bundles Colchester, Essex
Fighting Chance Baby Bank, Petworth, West Sussex
Baby2Baby, East Sussex
Baby Basics Brighton
Baby Basics Dover & Deal, Kent
Baby Basics Englefield Green, Surrey
Baby Basics Folkestone, Kent
Baby Basics Willvern, Essex
First Days Reading, Berkshire
Baby Basics Hastings and Rother, East Sussex
Baby Basics, Grays, Kent
Baby Basics Shoreham, West Sussex
NCT Winchester Baby Bundles, Hampshire
NCT Woking Baby Bundles, Surrey
Pelican Parcels Brighton and Hove, Sussex
Baby Stuff Braintree, Essex
Tots 2 Teens Colchester baby bank, Essex
Stripey Stork, Reigate, Surrey
Sunshine Baby Bank Southend, Essex
The Baby Bank HQ Havering, Essex
The Baby Bank HQ Thurrock, Essex
Community Wardrobe Chelmsford, Essex
The Baby Bank Windsor, Berkshire
Growbaby Storehouse Ashford, Kent
Moses Basket Brentwood, Essex,
Growbaby Chelmsford, Essex
NCT Little Bundles Baby Bank Chichester & Arun, West Sussex
NCT Baby Bundles Sevenoaks and Tonbridge, Kent
Mama to Mama, Margate, Kent
Home-Start West Berkshire Baby Bank, Newbury, Berkshire
Growbaby, Wokingham, Berkshire
The Baby Bank HQ Barking, Dagenham and Redbridge, Essex
- South
Baby Basics Portsmouth, Hampshire
Baby Basics Guildford
Baby Branch Southampton, Hampshire
Baby Necessities Southampton, Hampshire
Portsmouth Baby Bank, Hampshire
- Channel Islands
Baby Basics Jersey
- London
214 SPACE Baby Bank Hub Brent
214 SPACE Baby Bank Hub Hammersmith & Fulham
214 SPACE Baby Bank Hub Kensington & Chelsea
Growbaby Lighthouse, Sutton, Greater London
Growbaby, Newham
Growbaby, Merton
Bromley Brighter Beginnings
Growbaby Purley
Baby Basics, Barnet
Cariad Baby Bank, Harrow
Growbaby Kingston upon Thames
Choices Boutique Islington
Cornerstone Baby Bank Leyton
Growbaby Wandsworth
Baby Basics Sunbury
Growbaby Enfield
Ealing Salvation Army Baby Bank
The Small Project South London
Tiny Toes, Tiny Feet, Northwood
Camberwell Baby Bank
Orchard Baby Bank, Woodford
Peabody Toddlers Clothes Bank, Ilford
Pram Depot Wood Green
Little Village (London-wide)
Mammakind Baby Bank, Greenwich
MerryGoRound Islington
Growbaby Hoxton
NCT Redbridge Baby Bundles
Hackney Children & Baby Bank
Ilford Salvation Army Baby Bank
Mama2Mama Woolwich
Lloyd Park Children's Charity Baby Bank Walthamstow
The Extra Mile, Hampton, Richmond Upon Thames.
- Midlands
Brierley Hill Baby Bank, Dudley, West Mids
Baskets of Joy Leicester
Growbaby Leicester
Alice Charity, Newcastle under Lyme, Staffordshire
Growbaby Northampton
The Arches, Nottingham
High Peak Baby Bank, Buxton, Derbyshire
Growbaby, Nuneaton, Warwickshire
Growbaby Bedworth, Warwickshire
Bicester Baby Bank, Oxfordshire
Elayos Baby Bank Birmingham
Baby Basics Wolverhampton
Growbaby Birmingham St Michaels Church
Baby Aid Birmingham
Baby Basics Warwick
Baby Godiva Coventry
Growkids Coventry
Baby Basics Chesterfield, Derbyshire
Baby Basics Long Eaton, Notts
Baby Basics Leicester
Baby Basics Northampton
Baby Basics Hinckley, Leicestershire
Growbaby Birmingham Vineyard City Centre Site
Tots in Need Walsall, West Mids
Spark Baby & Children's Bank Staffordshire
Staffordshire Baby Bank, Stafford, Staffs
Telford and Wrekin Baby and Toddler bank, Shropshire
Clothe and Feed Wallsend, Herefordshire
Little Stars Shropshire
Karis Baby Bank Central Birmingham
NCT Malvern Hills Baby Bundles, Worcs
Little Cherub's Baby Bank High Peak, Derbyshire
Growbaby Worcester
- Wales
Baby Basics Dryffryn Clwyd Denbigh
Baby Basics Vale of Glamorgan
Baby Basics Newtown
Baby Basics Swansea
Baby Basics Port Talbot
Baby Basics Wrexham
Cwtch Baby Bank Cardiff
Baby Basics Penrhiwceiber
Cariad a Cwtch Baby Bank Llandrindod Wells
Growbaby Cardiff
Pembrokeshire Baby Bank
Splice Baby Bank Bridgend
Bundles Baby Clothing and Birth Support, Newport
Bethel Baby Bank Port Talbot
NCT Cardiff Baby Bundles
Ely Baby Bank
Feed Newport Baby Bank
- Scotland
Bairn Necessities, Glasgow
AberNecessities, Aberdeen
Growbaby Fife
Baby Bank Scotland, Hamilton
Bairnecessities Aberdeenshire
Bear Necessities Airdrie
Togs for Tots Dundee
Glasgow Baby Food Bank
GRA Baby Bank Aberdeenshire
Nelly Boxes East Renfrewshire Baby Bank
No 1 Glasgow Baby & Family Support Service
Tiny Treasures Baby Bank Oban
Button and Bows Baby Bank Perth
Cumbernauld & Kilsyth Care
Misty Glen Baby Bank Fort William
Dingwall Primary Baby Bank
Moray Baby Bank
Monklands Baby and Family Clothing Aid
- East
Abi's Footprints, Sudbury, Suffolk
Baby Bank Norfolk
Baby Basics Lowestoft, Suffolk
Baby Basics West Norfolk
West Marsh Baby Bank, Lincolnshire
Suffolk Baby Bank, Bury Saint Edmunds
Baby's Basket, Lincoln, Lincolnshire
Growbaby Thetford, Norfolk
Growkids Norwich, Norfolk
Fenland Family and Baby Bank, Cambridgeshire
GrowKids Cambridge, Cambridgeshire
Little Family Baby Bank, Sutton On Sea, Lincolnshire
Little Treasures Baby Bank, Horncastle, East Lincolnshire
Little Bundles, Cambridge, Cambridgeshire
- Northern Ireland
Baby Basics Antrim & Newtonabbey
Baby Basics Ballymena
Baby Basics Belfast
Bump2Baby NI (Mid-Ulster Baby Bank)
Baby Basics Banbridge
Baby Basics Causeway
Baby Basics Magherafelt
Baby Basics Mullavilly
Growbaby Enniskillen
Carrickfergus Baby Bank