How to last longer in bed if you’re a guy – 7 key steps to improve your sex life
IF you struggle to last longer than a couple of minutes in bed, experts reassure you it's fixable.
While in some men there is a serious underlying cause, for the vast majority the common problem can be helped with a few tricks.
Sex may end quicker than you or your parnter expected for two reasons.
You may have ejaculated early, or are struggling to “keep it up”.
The average time to ejaculation in men in relationships is around five minutes, the NHS says.
International guidelines define premature ejaculation as regularly ejaculating within one minute of entering a partner.
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“However, it's up to you and your partner to decide if you're happy with the time it takes you to ejaculate,” the NHS adds.
Some men need treatment for premature ejaculation, whether that be psychological or for a physical condition, such as an enlarged prostate.
The same goes for erectile dysfunction, which can occur for dozens of reasons from stress to diabetes.
Abbas Kanani, Lead Medical Advisor for , said: “ is a really common sexual disorder that many men will experience during their lifetime, and it is nothing to be embarrassed about.
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“Erectile dysfunction can actually lead to the development of premature ejaculation, and so it's super important to know if you are suffering with ED and how best to resolve the issue.”
Abbas shared his seven tips for lasting longer in bed.
1. Foreplay
Men may be put off by the idea of foreplay because it gets them excited too quickly.
But there is a reason it could improve your sex life - and it's not to do with you.
Abbas said: “It can be easy to rush this step and get straight ‘to the good bit’ as some might say, but actually foreplay is an imperative part of sex, especially for the woman.
“Women need sufficient foreplay and pre-stimulation to be properly aroused prior to penetration, more so than men, hence why men often ejaculate much sooner than women.
“If you are able to focus on your partner's pleasure before yours then this in turn means you will last longer as you are focussed on her first, and then you can engage in penetration as the final step, not something to rush to.
“Remember sex is much more than simple penetration.”
2. Mental distraction
Sometimes it’s as simple as thinking of something incredibly boring in order to disengage from sex.
“This can reduce enjoyment but often delays ejaculation” Abbas said.
“This is an age-old trick and most men may find that if they are close to achieving that they will try and think about something else, often something irrelevant or that makes them feel turned off.
“During sex, if you can try and think of something less erotic, things like times tables, counting sheep or similar which focuses the mind on a task rather than what you are experiencing physically.”
3. Switch positions
Switching positions has a number of benefits that may help you to last longer.
Abbas said when you’re in one position for too long or for the whole act of penetration, this can lead to a quicker climax.
“By stopping and starting when moving to new positions, this gives you time to stop and slow down and focus on different styles rather than rushing to climax,” he said.
“It will also increase pleasure for your partner and increase the chance for them to climax before you.”
It may also be helpful to avoid positions you find most arousing - until later on, at least.
The NHS says if your partner is on top, it “allows them to pull away when you're close to ejaculating” - something you may struggle to find the will to do at first.
4. Behavioural techniques
Your mind is remarkably important in the control of your penis.
Abbas said there are a few different behavioural techniques you can try and adopt during sex which should help to over time, allow you to last longer in bed.
He said: “Often it is psychological and so once we are able to train our mind and find little techniques that work, then there is no going back.
“One common technique which works for many men is the ‘squeezing technique’ where you squeeze the penis tip near climax to prevent ejaculation.”
Squeezing can help the feeling of needing to ejaculate subside, but also requires mental willpower.
Abbas said: “Another is the stop-start technique which works to reduce stimulation when nearing climax, meaning you delay ejaculation a little while longer.”
Also known as “edging”, this method involves stopping all sexual stimulation until sensation has passed, and repeating.
This can also be practised during masturabation.
Bare in mind that both techniques may reduce sexual satisfication in your partner, if you are suddenly stopping sex.
But this is where communication is vital.
5. Communication
Abbas said: “Communication is key in any relationship.
"If you find that your premature ejaculation is affecting your sex life and relationship as a whole you should talk to your partner and be open and honest about how you are feeling.”
Having couples therapy,stop-0 or sex therapy, may help uncover relationship issues that are contributing to problems in the bedroom.
A therapist may also be able to help guide you through techniques such as stop-and-go.
Abbas said even things like meditation and breathwork may help.
He added: “Ensuring that the bond with your partner remains strong is key, sex is also mental and not just physical so having the love and respect in place before sex is important for it to feel good.
“Perhaps ask your partner if theres anything she would like in the bedroom, or anything to help the act of sex last longer for both parties.”
6. Lifestyle and diet
How long you last in bed often comes down to stamina.
And if you are physically fit, it’s bound to help.
Abbas said: “Your lifestyle choices may impact how quickly you achieve orgasm.
“Often, if a person is eating a healthy and nutritional diet, and working out regularly, this means that they are building strength and stamina, and in turn better in bed.
“For example, if you are fit then you are more likely to go for longer, be willing to switch positions and try new things.
"If you are unhealthy and unfit you may feel lazy or not interested in trying new things.
“Adding certain ingredients to your diet may also help. Incorporating foods into your diet that are rich in zinc and magnesium may help increase the time it takes you to climax.”
7. Medication
Lastly, if you find you have exhausted self-help techniques - with some of them taking commitment and practice - it may be worth considering medication.
Treatment depends entirely on the cause, and some men are not suited to certain drugs.
For premature ejaculation, your GP may discuss options including Viagra or products with numbing agents, like condoms - both of which do not need a prescription.
You may be prescribed antidepressants, which, although for depression, have the surprising bonus of helping prevent early ejaculation.
For erectile dysfunction, a doctor may first advise you to clean up your lifestyle and lose weight.
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But beyond that, you may try phosphodiesterase, a group of medicines that include Viagra. This is prescribed on the NHS if you have an underlying condition, such as prostate cancer or diabetes.
Abbas said: “Always speak to your GP or local Pharmacist about your symptoms and the best treatment options if this is something you're worried about.”