I don’t want anyone to struggle with their mental health like my daddy did
A PROUD mum has told how her kind-hearted son asked her to not give him a PlayStation 5 for his birthday because he wanted the money to “go towards trying to help others suffering from mental health, so they wouldn’t do what daddy did”.
Four years ago, Michelle Kirby and her now 11-year-old son, Elliott, who live in Langold, Nottinghamshire, were left devastated after her ex-partner, Martin Barker, tragically took his own life at the age of 40.
Heartbroken by Martin’s untimely death, the schoolboy told his mum he wanted the money that could pay for a PlayStation 5 to be donated to charity to help others struggling like his dad.
Michelle, 41, who split up from Martin amicably in 2016 after a decade long relationship, told The Sun: “Elliott told me that if I got him a PlayStation 5, he would sell it and use the money to give to a charity who deal with suicide, to stop others from going through what his dad went through.
“He was absolutely devastated by what happened to Martin, as I was.
“In fact, as he gets older and the longer it goes on, the more questions he has about how his dad died and where his headspace was at the time.
Read more on mental health
“They are difficult to answer as you don’t want to give him too much information but there again, imagination can be worse than reality.
“Father’s Day last year was especially horrendous because he misses him so much.
“He was crying every day and it was a battle to get him to school.
“The worse thing is, it could maybe all have been preventable had Martin reached out to someone to talk through everything.”
Michelle and Elliott’s lives were turned upside down in April 2018 when the mum of one, who works as a 3PL stock control and admin supervisor, got a call to say all was not well with Martin.
He had been suffering from depression for months and his mental health suddenly took a horrendous turn for the worse.
“For a long time, Martin and I used to speak daily,” she explains.
“A few months before he died, despite being in a new relationship and having future plans, he was on a downward spiral and I could tell something was wrong, but he wouldn’t tell me.
“One night I received a call to say everything wasn’t right and I rushed over to his house.
“The ambulance and police were there but they had not been able to save him.
You're Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide.
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You’re Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You’re Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, , 0800 585 858
- Heads Together,
- Mind, , 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus,, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, , 116 123
- Movember,
- Anxiety UK , 03444 775 774 Monday-Friday 9.30am-10pm, Saturday/Sunday 10am-8pm
“It was the worst possible news and I can remember asking the police officer how I was going to tell our son, who was only seven at the time.
“I still think about that police officer a lot, and how his heart must have been breaking for us.”
Michelle returned to her home in the middle of the night to be with Elliott, who was being looked after by her mum.
The next day she broke the news to him.
“I don’t think it sank in at first when I told Elliott,” she remembers.
“But after lots of visitors, he started to ask questions.
“It was hard to take in and I suddenly felt an enormous responsibility – and still do – that I am the only parent Elliott has now.”
TIME IS A HEALER
Time has been a great healer in coming to terms with her own grief, but Michelle says she does understandably get angry from time to time as to why Martin didn’t seek help.
“You do go through phases of anger,” she continues. “He made a choice and his choice has repercussions for his loved ones.
“It maybe didn’t have to be like that if he had reached out to someone like Samaritans.
“I also do feel guilty from time to time and wonder if I could have done more. I think that’s only natural,”
Michelle, who is still single, is in regular touch with Martin’s son, Lewis, 25, from a previous relationship.
“Even though we didn’t get married, he does see me as a step-mum,” she adds.
“Elliott gets on like a house of fire with Lewis and that is really nice.
“They have a great bond and he thinks Elliott is the funniest person he knows.”
Determined to make some new happy memories together, Michelle and Elliott are now planning to walk and run the equivalent of a marathon in July to raise money for Samaritans in memory of Martin.
They have already started practice walks and jogs together for the event whenever they have any spare time.
It’s the second year they have raised money for the charity and Michelle says it will be an incredibly proud moment for them both when they cross the finish line.
“It’s so important to reach out and speak to people,” says Michelle.
“Samaritans have people who you can talk to who aren’t going to judge.
LOOKING FORWARD
“Elliott and I want to create some new happy memories and I am so proud of Elliott for turning something awful into a positive thing by helping others.
“We don’t want them to go through what we did and what Martin’s parents went through.
“Nobody should have to bury a child.”
If you would like to take part in the charity’s Samarathon, visit .
To sponsor Elliott go to his .
It’s Men’s Health Week (June 13-19). For more information on men’s health, visit .
The Samarathon event to run, walk or jog the distance of a marathon is taking place in July.
People across Britain are being invited to sign up to run at any point throughout the month to raise much needed funds to help Samaritans, which responds to a call for help every ten seconds.
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If you would like to speak to someone at Samaritans for free any time, you can call from any phone on 116 123, which won’t show up on a phone bill, or email jo@samaritans.org.
For more information about how you can donate or support the charity, visit.
