I’m a sexologist – here’s the truth about your low libido and how to fix it
LIBIDO is complex, especially when it comes to women.
To make matters worse, sex drive still remains a taboo topic despite the world appearing more sexually positive in recent years.
The complexity and shame that shrouds women’s sexuality has left many in the dark when it comes to their own libido.
New research conducted by has found that seven in 10 women have experienced low sex drive.
And over half (53 per cent) believe that low sex drive remains a taboo topic within society.
Stella Anna Sonnenbaum, a sexologist, based in London, unravels why so many women might be experiencing a low sex drive and what could help to improve it.
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"It's important to remember that there is no 'normal' sex drive," Stella tells The Sun.
“Sex drive can be influenced by a multitude of things and often ebbs and flows throughout someone's life," she explains.
“Many women are on medications which can influence their desire to have sex, such as antidepressants," she adds.
According one US , a whopping 72 per cent of women who take antidepressants experience problems with sexual desire, and 82 per cent struggle with sexual arousal.
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The same study found that nearly half (42 per cent) of women taking selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors – the most commonly used antidepressants – report problems having an orgasm.
However, it's worth bearing in mind that having anxiety or depression can be to a low sex drive, Stella explains.
“So it might not be as simple as coming off medication,” she adds.
If you do think coming off medication would be beneficial, then you should always speak to your GP before doing so.
Hormonal changes in the body can also influence sex drive.
It's important to remember that there is no 'normal' sex drive
Stella Anna Sonnenbaum
“Many women experience high libido in their 20’s which then rapidly falls after menopause,” she says.
During menopause, levels of sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen both decrease which can also lead to a drop in drive for some people.
For some women, having a low libido might not be an issue, but others may wish to boost their sex drive and get their mojo back.
Reigniting your own sex drive
During sessions with clients, Stella uses a mirror exercise to help women "fall back in love with themselves".
She tells The Sun that she believes that sex drive, for some women, can correlate with body image.
"Women who feel more confident in their own skin appear to have a higher libido than those who don't," she says.
"You have to be able to look at yourself and think: I am attractive.
"We're so often told that as we age we get less beautiful. This is so bad for our self-confidence and this can impact our sex drives," she says.
A US previously discovered that dissatisfaction with one’s body actually impacted all elements of sexuality, including desire, arousal and even orgasm.
During the mirror sessions, Stella encourages women to look at their own genitals as if they were looking at them as a "piece of art".
"This is so they can discover a new found appreciation and understanding of oneself," the guru explains.
Stella also suggests using sex toys.
"There is nothing more exciting than a new sex toy!' she says.
Stella advises women steer clear of the more targeted toys -- such as the novel clitoral sucker -- that focuses on just one part of the body.
Instead, she points to the wand -- which regularly made appearances on early 2000's shows like Sex and the City.
Wands make for full-body sexual experiences which may be more suited to women who don't want to touch their genitals or feel shame around self-pleasure, she explains.
"You can use the wand on places like your collarbone so that the vibrations travel through your whole body," she advises.
"The body is full of nerve endings, we feel pleasure everywhere and we ought to embrace that," she adds.
A boost for couples
For women in couples who want to rediscover their sex drive, Stella always advises partners sleep in separate bedrooms.
A previous survey by found that only one in seven UK people sleep in separate beds from their partner.
However, according to Stella, more couples should consider the room split.
"Sharing a room can make a couple feel more like friends than sexual partners," she says. "The bedroom can become more practical than sensual."
Squeezing yourselves into one room also puts pressure on the sexual element of the relationship -- especially if one person has a higher sex drive than the other.
"I have found that this can lead to the person with a lower libido pulling away from their partner. They feel pressured and this can put them off sex entirely.
"Having your own space removes that pressure," she said. "And can give you time to yourself, time to miss sex."
It's also important to feel like you have the power to instigate sex -- and say no when you aren't feeling up to it.
"Lack of control over your own sex life can lead to anxiety over sex," Stella explains.
"People pleasers tend to have issues with this, as they end up having sex when they're not feeling 100 per cent up to it just to keep their partner happy."
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Stella advises talking to your partner openly about this and discussing your turn on's and turn off's.
"The key to being sexually liberated is feeling comfortable and to do this you must be truly honest with yourself and with your sexual partner," she adds.