I’m a sexpert – here’s my guide to the best solo orgasm of your life
FANCY flying solo? Mastering the art of masturbation could be the key to an explosive, toe-curling orgasm.
And it seems like women could do with hitting the big-O a little more often.
According to new research by Durex, sexually active women are having up to FOUR times fewer orgasms on average than sexually active men.
Just 40 per cent of women achieve orgasm through penetrative sex (compared to 12 per cent of men), which according to the study is leaving women disappointed and frustrated.
In fact, nearly half of sexually active women in the UK have previously faked an orgasm.
It's the 25 to 44 year-olds who are struggling to climax, according to the data, so is it time you took matters into your hands (quite literally), and had yourself some me time?
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Here’s the what, why, when and how of masturbating…
The benefits of masturbation
“For starters, the feel-good chemicals that sensuality and orgasm release into your system may help to boost mood, aid restful sleep and relieve stress,” says Alix Fox, Durex ambassador, sexpert and author.
“It's also hands down one of the best ways to discover what touches, tools, techniques and scenarios turn you on – in your own time, and on your own terms.
“I believe self-pleasure can help with self-image, too,” adds Alix.
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“Acknowledging the power your body has to make you feel good can make it easier to feel good about your body, and to feel kinder about the skin you’re in.”
Self pleasure can also help women entering the menopause, increasing blood flow to the pelvic area, boosting arousal, and activating and toning internal muscles.
A study by the University College London even found that regular masturbation could lower the risk of entering menopause early.
Masturbating on your period could also be beneficial as the feel good chemicals released during orgasm can actually help to relieve period-related symptoms such as headaches and cramps.
Worried about the mess? Pop a towel down or have a play in the shower instead.
Your masturbation masterclass
Follow these expert guidelines for some unforgettable alone time…
Psst! Masturbating between seven and 10am might be best thanks to higher levels of the hormone, testosterone…
Get stroking
The key to orgasm could be in the clitoris - a wishbone-shaped structure that extends deep inside the body, wrapping round the vagina and urethra and flaring out into the pelvis.
“Many sex experts, including myself, now believe that the G-Spot - an area a few inches up the front wall of the vagina – feels great for a lot of women because rubbing it presses against these secret, internal parts of the clitoris,” says Alix.
Give one of these strokes a try…
Orbiting: “Move a fingertip or two round and round the clitoris, either in a circle or figure-of-eight shape.
“Many women prefer to stimulate their clitoris by touching it through the hood (the flap of skin that covers it) rather than directly pressing the glans (the nodule underneath), which can feel too sensitive or ‘sharp’,” explains Alix.
Accenting: Here, make one part of your movement stronger or lighter than the rest.
Maybe press a little harder when you reach the top of your figure-of-eight movement.
Hinting: “Build anticipation by skirting or hovering your hand over and around a sensitive hotspot, and only occasionally brushing or stroking it, so those rare touches feel electric,” says Alix.
Persisting: “Once you’ve found a touch that turns you on, stick with it for a while,” says Alix.
Many women need consistent, continued stimulation to climax.
Find your position
If lying on your back works, then great. But mixing up your posture could make me-time even more explosive.
“Experiment with kneeling as though you were straddling a partner, or getting on all fours.
“Bend over a piece of furniture. Spread your legs wide, or hold them close together,” recommends Alix.
Mix up your breathing
Some women find that changing their breathing patterns when they’re close to climax can intensify their pleasure.
“The vagus – meaning ‘wanderer’ - is the longest nerve in the body’s autonomic nervous system (which controls ‘automatic’ things like heartbeat, blood flow and digestion).
“We know it plays a key part in conveying electrical signals between the cervix and uterus and the brain,” says Alix.
“Some sex therapists and students of tantra claim that producing a deep, low sound from your abdomen with a wide open mouth – so more of a guttural, primal roar than a breathy sigh – can encourage orgasm by ‘lighting up’ all those interconnected nerve pathways.”
Play with texture and temperature
“Try running cool or warm water over your vulva while you’re in the shower; setting up a fan to blow a breeze over your body as you play; laying on a soft, furry or silky blanket or pillow and moving against it while you masturbate; and/or touching yourself through the fabric of your knickers,” says Alix.
Give it a squeeze
“Try curling then releasing your toes; clenching your buttocks; or stretching your legs out taut.
“It might feel good to hold the squeeze, or to tighten then release in a rhythm,” says Alix.
Your pelvic floor muscles can also have an effect on sexual pleasure.
“Try pulsing them rhythmically while you touch yourself.”
Stimulate the A-spot
“The Anterior Fornix Erogenous Zone, or A-spot, is right at the top front side of the vaginal canal, deep inside, in the crevice where the cervix drops down, forming a tight space between the entrance of the womb and the area next to the bladder,” explains Alix.
“It can give rise to a type of climax known as a ‘Cervical Orgasm’, which has been described as longer-lasting and feeling like it radiates further through the body than orgasms obtained solely via external stimulation.”
Reaching the A-spot can be tricky. “You may need to use a specially designed slim, fine-tipped probing toy or vibrator, although if your fingers can stretch, small side-to-side swiping motions, like a teeny tiny windscreen wiper, can feel amazing.”
Set the scene
Tidy away clutter, put your work away and light a candle, to set the mood and clear away anything that might trigger anxiety.
Live on the edge
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“‘Edging’ is the sexual practice of bringing yourself right up to the brink of orgasm; pausing to calm down for a moment; then stimulating yourself until you approach the ‘edge’ of climax again,” says Alix.
Repeat this cycle of starting and stopping until you finally allow yourself to burst with pleasure!
Try a sex toy
“Before investing in a toy for your sexual toolbox, think about the type of touch and stimulation you’re after, whether the toy’s shape and size suits your anatomy, and what type of material you’d like it to be made from. Consider how loud it is too,” advises Alix.
For super discreet
Lovehoney Excite 10 Function Bullet Vibrator, £10.99, Superdrug
With ten speeds to stimulate your clit, pop this in your pants for a down-there private party.
For beginners
, £19.79
An ergonomic design and small, slim shape, makes this great for anyone who wants a toy that’s slightly less intimidating.
The flexible shaft bends up to 90-degrees in each direction so you can find the right angle to please you.
For the masturbation master
, £119.95
A silicone rabbit-style vibrator with two heads - one for inserting into the vagina and the other for clitorial stimulation.
With nine pulsating modes and a squeeze sensor, you’ll wonder how you ever got by without this.