How much sex IS normal? Sexpert gives her verdict after Katherine Ryan’s revelation – plus tips to boost your libido
COMEDIENNE Katherine Ryan is no stranger to ‘funny business’ on stage, but some fans were surprised when she recently revealed how frequently she gets busy in the bedroom.
The mum-of-three says she and husband Bobby Kootstra have sex exactly twice a month.
Many were surprised by the figure, expecting that the blonde bombshell would be cracking on between the sheets almost as often as she cracks jokes.
Yet as The Sun’s exclusive survey shows, this is a pretty average amount of bonking - especially for a couple in their forties with kids (like Katherine, 40).
More than three-quarters (76 per cent) of Sun readers told us that, just like Katherine, they too have sex less than once a week.
Only 19 per cent get it on once or twice every seven days, and a tiny horny minority of five per cent manage three, four or more weekly passion sessions.
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However, over a third of you would like to increase how often you get intimate.
And while 45 per cent claim NOT to want more sex, many of you told us that’s because you’re experiencing problems and pains that are making getting down ‘n’ dirty less desirable.
Sexpert Alix Fox shares her tips on getting more “phwoar!” in your life, no matter your age or circumstances.
If you’re single
Almost a quarter (23 per cent) of our survey respondents said their main obstacle to having more sex was simply that they had nobody to do it with.
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And younger people especially reported exhaustion at trying to find dates on digital apps, where bad behaviours like ghosting and catfishing can be common.
Those craving more chances to meet fellow singletons in the real world will be happy to hear that in-person dating events are set to be a key 2024 trend.
Ticketing site reports a 21 per cent rise in interest in speed dating parties over the last year.
App , which puts on meet-up events in bars across 60 cities that are for singles only, is launching bigger takeovers from February onwards. Every person in the venue is guaranteed to be unattached (apart from the staff!).
Many readers expressed difficulty and shame in contemplating sex with a new person after being widowed
Alix Fox
Matchmaking specialists at Plenty Of Fish warn you may want to stick to dates on weeknights only, so precious weekends aren’t ruined if they’re not a success.
Over 65s are the age group most likely to say their sex life is stunted by not having a partner – and many expressed difficulty and shame in contemplating sex with a new person after being widowed, or worried that their age made them undesirable.
I highly recommend the work of Joan Price, an 80-year-old senior sex expert and author of Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Losing Your Beloved ().
“Feeling sexual urges after bereavement is a normal, natural sign that you’re a resilient human being,” she says.
“People’s emotions and desires after grief move on their own timelines, and there’s no one right way to behave, but it’s common to want the comfort of touch; the destressing release of sex; and affirmation that you can still feel pleasure after a lot of sadness.”
Dating apps specifically for over 50s can help you find like-minded potential lovers without having to wade through the young whippersnappers!
only send you 3-7 matches per day, so the search doesn’t feel overwhelming, while is great for meeting new friends or travel buddies as well as romances, since they also offer in-person trips, cooking classes, and music gigs in major cities.
Solo sex is a chance for experimentation and self-discovery.
Masturbating doesn’t have to be a ‘consolation prize’: it’s a great way to learn what turns you on so you’ll have more satisfying partnered sex in future.
It's also a low-pressure chance to try new things; there’s nobody to judge you, so you can entirely please yourself!
You could explore ‘yoni mapping’ – a methodical way of stimulating different pressure points inside the vagina, moving slowly clockwise to find the exact hot spots that feel great for you.
Or to simulate a partnered experience, try ‘guided masturbation audios’ (I like those by , and ) or ‘JOI videos’, where a provocative voice or actor gives instructions on how to touch yourself.
Several survey respondents also told us their DOGS were getting in the way of them ‘getting a bone’!
“Pets can be jealous if you bring a new person home, or see strangers as threats,” says animal behaviourist Eileen Koval.
“Use a chew treat or interactive toy (not a squeaky one!) to distract them so they don’t interrupt sex, and get them in the habit of sleeping somewhere other than your bed or room.”
If you’re in a relationship
Being too tired was the number one reason people told us they were missing out on sex, with women (38 per cent) more affected than men (22 per cent).
Making sure household and family chores are split fairly helps to ensure one person isn’t too knackered for nookie (while the other is raring to go because hours of vacuuming hasn’t sucked up all their va-va-voom!).
Don’t always leave lovemaking until last thing at night if you tend to feel too sleepy to be sultry.
Instead, try some morning or afternoon delight (when higher levels of the hormone cortisol and lower levels of melatonin make you more alert), or fit in a spontaneous quickie as soon as you get home from work.
Go to bed earlier - set an alarm to get you off the sofa, so you don’t accidentally cut into your time beneath the duvet because you got lost in a TV show until midnight.
My favourite time-saving titillation is to listen to erotic stories on the Dipsea app during my commute home (on headphones!)
Alix Fox
Putting on lively-yet-smouldering mood music can also help give you enough pep for some X-rated action before you catch Zs.
Of all the age groups surveyed, under 45s were most likely to say that having children spelled ‘game over’ for getting their leg over.
There’s an idea that it’s somehow ‘selfish’ or ‘inappropriate’ to want a healthy sex life as a parent, because ‘the kids should come first’.
But research by The Children’s Society found 70 per cent of children state that their parents having a good relationship makes them happy.
So, prioritising intimacy and keeping your bond strong as adults is a healthy part of maintaining balanced family life.
If kiddos barging into the bedroom is a concern, and you can’t fit a lock, wedge a stop under the closed door from the inside.
Worried about waking the babies with headboard banging, moans and groans? Take the action to the floor, and turn being quiet into a thrilling challenge – maybe even using a pair of knickers as a daring makeshift gag.
Some 39 per cent of under 45s and 25 per cent of 45-54s are too busy to have time to get laid.
My favourite time-saving titillation is to listen to erotic stories on the app during my commute home (on headphones!).
The fact nobody on my train knows I’m listening to a steamy tale adds an extra layer of naughtiness, and once I get home I’m gagging to go.
A five-minute tale played while you’re cleaning your teeth before bed is a shortcut to arousal, too.
Make regular dates where you dedicate several hours to being intimate, as well. This shows your partner that you take your shared sexual connection as seriously as you do your work, or other commitments.
In the latest Sun Survey, an increasing proportion of people said that difficulties with erectile dysfunction were interfering with intercourse - 18 per cent compared to 13 per cent a year ago.
In younger age groups, this might be connected to the fact that over a third of under 45s also report struggles with stress.
Provided you’ve ruled out any underlying health issues with your GP, online therapy programs run by organisations like Mojo Men () can sometimes be more appropriate than pills to treat erectile dysfunction linked to anxiety and other psychological factors.
They help ‘retrain your brain’ so worries and stresses don’t ‘get you down’ downstairs.
New ED medications include customised chewable ‘hard mints’ formulated with the precise amount of active ingredients to suit your needs ().
And a topical gel called Eroxon can be applied to the penis 10 minutes before sex to stimulate an erection by supplying cooling and warming sensations that prompt blood flow. Consult your doctor for personal advice.
If your partner is not interested
Numerous Sun survey respondents said they’d love more sex, but their partner didn’t want it.
This is extremely common, with data from NATSAL-3 (the last British National Surveys of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles; one of the most detailed sex studies worldwide) showing one in four UK couples are imbalanced in their hunger for sex.
It also reveals that sensitively talking about it is the key to making things better.
Try to see sex as something it’s normal to have to work at, rather than something that should ‘just work’.
Our desires and the ways our bodies respond to different touches can change over time.
‘Bossy Massage’ can be a great exercise to highlight what you and your partner want NOW, rather than what used to work years ago.
The massage giver can only touch ‘The Boss’ exactly where and how they tell them to – so the giver can’t autopilot into their old, outdated moves, and the receiver has to practice properly thinking and talking about what they’d like.
Menopause happens to women but affects men too, so they should learn about it
Alix Fox
Set a timer and follow what The Boss asks you to do - it could be a hand on the back, stroking of the legs or elsewhere…
The impacts of the menopause were also frequently mentioned by over 45s as sexual saboteurs.
Menopausal hormone changes can cause the vagina to become painfully dry, and tissues to become thinner and less sensitive; HRT, vaginal moisturisers used every day, and lubes and toys used during sexual play can all help.
Getting frisky in a cool shower or near a fan can counteract hot flushes.
The Loveheart Position Cushion from is fabulous for relieving joint pain during intercourse.
But experts say there can be up to 34 different symptoms of menopause that affect women to varying degrees, impacting everything from mood swings to a burning mouth.
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I recommend that men provide support by finding out about their partners’ experiences, and reading
Menopause happens to women but affects men too, so they should learn about it.