‘I convinced myself I was crazy and just another addict’, says PT who tried to take her own life due to undiagnosed ADHD

A PERSONAL trainer says undiagnosed ADHD left her battling alcohol dependency and depression – leading her to try and take her own life.

Jess Clutterbuck, 34, says she previously struggled with anorexia and disordered eating, convincing herself she was ‘crazy’ and ‘just another addict’.

She says things got so bad she was forced to take time off work in autumn 2022 – and even tried to take her own life.

Jess’s doctor told her she was “sure” she had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) – a condition that cause hyperactivity, impulsiveness and trouble concentrating.

Those with ADHD often also suffer from anxiety, depression or problems with sleep.

The personal trainer hasn’t had a formal diagnosis of the condition yet, as that can take years.

But when she hit rock bottom, she realised she need to go sober and learn to control her ADHD symptoms with healthy habits instead of medication.

Now she relies on sport and fitness to keep her symptoms in check, and says she wants to help other people in the same situation understand how ADHD affects them.

I want to help people to feel like they’re not going mad

Jess Clutterbuck

Jess, from Congleton, Ches., said: “As with all substance abuse it went downhill from there, it became a regular occurrence and took over my life.

“It affected mental health in a huge way – I was convinced I was crazy and just another addict.

“I found in daily life I was masking a lot of my behaviours, if you’re at work you can’t be really hyper, you have to hold that in.

“I’m not medicated for ADHD, I’ve taken control of it myself just by learning about my behavioural habits.

“I want to help people understand their mental health and know they can create these new habits.”

‘I hit rock bottom and got sober’

Personal trainer Jess first started to suspect she had undiagnosed ADHD in her early 20’s.

After battling with anorexia and disordered eating from the ages of 19 to 24, she found she was relying on drugs and alcohol to manage her feelings on a day-to-day basis.

And in October 2022, she was forced to take time off work as she could no longer keep up a personal training client base.

In November, things got so bad Jess tried to take her own life – but thankfully survived and realised she needed to make a change.

While in hospital, she decided to go sober – and now hasn’t used alcohol or drugs for 14 months.

She says going to gym helps her manage her symptoms, and now wants to help others in the same situation as her to find a way to create new habits too.

She posts content on her Instagram @trainandrecoverwithjess to help de-stigmatise the condition.

“I always had problems with attention and I’ve got a lot of energy – I became a personal trainer because it meant I could put that energy into work and encouraging others to get fit and healthy,” said Jess.

“When I did become a personal trainer it was just after recovering from anorexia, but what I didn’t realise was I still had a lot of disordered behaviour.

“I got myself in ridiculous shape, I had really low body fat and went from being extremely thin to very muscular and lean.

“I found I would always be so hyperfocused on certain things – I ended up turning to drinking and drugs because I found that it relaxed me rather than having the opposite effect.

“I took some time off work as my drug and alcohol use led to me becoming very ill and I wasn’t fit enough to work.

“During that time, I hit rock bottom and got sober, now here we are 14 months later.

“Now if I get a craving for a drink or drug I work through a list – is it because I’m bored, sad, hungry etc. – usually it’s because my body has a lack of dopamine.

“I want to help people to feel like they’re not going mad, there’s nothing wrong with them, they just need to understand their brain chemistry.”