We spent our whole lives feeling ‘a failure’ and battling crippling anxiety – until life-changing diagnoses in our 50s
CLAIRE Quant and Kate Whitley both felt 'different' as children.
They were painfully shy, struggled to concentrate at school and regularly found themselves getting into some kind of trouble.
But it wasn't until five decades later that they understood why.
Both women were diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in their 50s, and suddenly "everything made sense".
ADHD is a behavioural condition that can make people seem restless and easily distracted.
Most cases are diagnosed in children under 12, but the number of adults being diagnosed is on the rise.
READ MORE ON ADHD
Research by University College London found there was a 20-fold increase among UK adults between 2000 and 2018, and an almost 5,000 per cent rise in ADHD prescriptions for men aged 18 to 29.
The charity ADHD UK says this is due to a combination of increased awareness, decreased stigma and improved access to healthcare.
Social media has also played a major role in understanding the complexity of the condition and triggering a wave of new diagnoses.
Today, an estimated 2.6million people in the UK have ADHD.
Most read in Health
Here, Claire and Kate reveal how they finally discovered they had it too.
'I was plagued by crippling procrastination'
CLAIRE Quant, 56, a communications specialist and business mentor from Llangollen, Denbighshire, discovered she had ADHD in July 2024.
She says: “As a child, I struggled with excruciating shyness and high anxiety but I was just a ‘little worrier’.
“My memory recall is poor and this inhibited my ability to pass exams as I would go into meltdowns trying to revise and blank when it came to test day.
“I can hyperfocus and then get bored if my interest isn’t met."
Having children with autism and ADHD opened Claire’s eyes to neurodiversity.
Her twins, now 12, both struggled to sleep at night and had high levels of anxiety.
Claire's son was diagnosed with autism via the NHS aged five, while her daughter was seven when she diagnosed with ADHD after a private assessment recommended by her school.
The mum sought advice online and found a community of like-minded people. She then discovered she too has ADHD.
I felt 100 per cent validated but the report made quite sad reading and I shed a few tears
Claire Quant
“I was unable to sit still and would often fiddle with my finger nails as a way of getting through meetings and lessons,” she says.
“Masking, burnout and exhaustion leading to crippling procrastination was becoming a major problem.
“The internet gets a pretty bad rap but my constant search for answers about why I felt different to others - or ‘quirky’ - led to a Facebook group where I found thousands of similar women who were struggling and searching for answers.”
Claire’s doctor referred her for an NHS assessment, but it was “a disaster”.
“I’d missed the letter asking to fill in a questionnaire, which was an ADHD clue right there,” she says.
A second, private assessment confirmed her ADHD.
“Five months on I feel calmer because I know that I’m not a failure,” Claire says.
“I felt 100 per cent validated when I got the result but the in-depth report made quite sad reading and I shed a few tears.
“I’d spent my life trying to fit into a neurotypical world.
“I'm now learning to do things differently, and I'm kinder to myself.”
'I was labelled as disruptive'
KATE Whitley, from Oxford, was diagnosed with ADHD in her early 50s - after feeling "different" from the age of eight.
“I’d get in trouble for talking too much, interrupting, daydreaming, never completing tasks, and labelled by most people who met me as being disruptive despite trying my best to fit in,” Kate, now 53, says.
“I struggled with school, college, and pretty much every job I’ve ever had.
“The harder I tried to explain myself, the more I felt misunderstood because I couldn’t do things in the same way as everyone else.
“I believed I wasn’t good enough at anything, putting my confidence and self worth on the floor.
“My brain processes the world in ways others didn’t understand, which left me feeling out of place, vulnerable to bullies, and frustrated.
“What I didn’t know was the effort of masking my real feelings to be able to fit in, the nagging anxiety about making more mistakes and the constant chatter in my head, left undiagnosed, it drastically reduced my quality of life.”
The 9 'hidden' signs of ADHD in adults
ADHD has long been associated with naughty schoolkids who cannot sit still in class.
And that is part of it. Fidgeting, daydreaming and getting easily distracted are all symptoms of the behavioural condition, which is why it is often spotted in children.
However, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is far more complex than simply having trouble focusing.
Henry Shelford, CEO and co-founder of ADHD UK, says: “If it isn’t debilitating, it isn’t ADHD.”
In recent years, social media has given rise to trends which conflate specific personality traits or single behaviours with ADHD.
You might be thinking, ‘I’m always losing my keys, forgetting birthdays and I can never concentrate at work — I must have ADHD’. But it’s not as simple as that.
Though these may all point to the condition, Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, says: “The key distinction lies in how much a behaviour impacts a person’s daily life.
“Genuine ADHD symptoms affect multiple areas of life - work, relationships and emotional wellbeing - whereas personality traits are typically context-dependent and less disruptive.”
ADHD UK’s Henry, who has the condition himself, adds: “Having ADHD is hard. One in ten men with ADHD and one in four women with ADHD will at some point try to take their own lives.”
So how can ADHD manifest in someone’s life? While hyperactivity is a common indicator, here are nine other subtle signs:
- Time blindness - losing track of time, underestimating how long tasks will take, regularly being late or excessively early
- Lack of organisation - a messy home, frequently misplacing items, forgetting deadlines
- Hyperfocus - becoming deeply engrossed in activities for hours
- Procrastination - feeling overwhelmed by to-do lists and struggling to determine what needs your attention first so focusing on less important tasks
- Heightened emotions - emotional struggles can manifest in angry outbursts, feeling flooded with joy or shutting down because you feel too much at once
- Being a 'yes man' - agreeing to new projects at work or dinner dates with friends when you're already busy (a desire to please)
- Impatience - interrupting people mid-conversation, finding it painful to stand in a queue, being overly-chatty
- Restlessness - tapping, pacing, fidgeting or feeling restless on the inside
- Easily distracted - by external things, like noises, or internal things like thoughts
It wasn’t until decades later that she realised these struggles weren’t personality flaws but ADHD symptoms.
She says: “After years of misdiagnoses and frustration, my GP finally suggested I seek an assessment and I had it confirmed.
“The process was a mix of relief and grief - relief at having an explanation and grief for the years I lost struggling to fit into a world which didn’t understand me.
“However, it validated my experiences and empowered me to rebuild my life on my terms along with the help of the right medication.”
Life isn’t without its struggles, but understanding my brain has brought me a sense of peace, purpose, and pride in my achievements
Kate Whitley
Kate, founder of , an online resource which supports neurodivergent business owners and leaders, says: “Since embracing my ADHD, I’ve learned to use it as a strength rather than a hindrance.
READ MORE SUN STORIES
“I’ve built a successful business helping other neurodivergent entrepreneurs navigate their challenges and find their own paths to success.
“Life isn’t without its struggles, but understanding my brain has brought me a sense of peace, purpose, and pride in my achievements.”
How to get help
UNFORTUNATELY, a GP cannot formally diagnose ADHD but they can refer you for a specialist assessment.
Be warned, the wait can be long. Data suggests there are at least 196,000 adults on waiting lists across the UK.
And a BBC investigation found in many areas it would take at least eight years to clear the backlog.
For an adult to be diagnosed with ADHD, the NHS says their symptoms should have a moderate effect on different areas of their life, such as underachieving at work or having difficulties in relationships, and the person has been displaying symptoms continuously for at least six months.
There must also be evidence symptoms have been present since childhood - it’s thought that the condition cannot develop for the first time in adults.
After a diagnosis, treatment can include psychological therapies, psychotherapy, social skills training and medication.
For many, a diagnosis can be a relief, but also unravel mixed emotions and feelings of ‘being different’.
has information on considering diagnostic pathways and can offer support.