How to look after your mental health if you’ve had a stressful Christmas – and repair relationships after bickering
IT’S meant to be about goodwill to all men, but even the happiest families end up rowing on Christmas.
Factor in all that booze and lots of people that don’t usually spend much time together, cramped around a Christmas tree, and it’s understandable.
The odd tiff over who ate the last segment of chocolate orange, or who cheated on Monopoly, is to be expected.
In fact, a study of 2,000 adults who celebrate Christmas revealed that while 83 per cent look forward to seeing loved ones over the festive period, 43 per cent are braced for arguments.
For some though, the holidays can spiral into fights that last well into the new year.
And it can be a particularly tough season if there’s an empty space at the dinner table.
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Throw in the financial stress of paying for Christmas and the exhaustion that can hit at the end of the year, and it can all add up to you feeling pretty low, stressed and worn out by the time New Year’s Eve rolls round.
“Tensions often run high during the festive period due to heightened expectations that can lead to stress,” explains Holly Beedon, clinical lead from free mental health service, .
Luckily, there’s lots you can do to help yourself recover from the festive strain…
Reflect on what happened
Maybe you stomped off after a family argument or you took on too much of the cooking and organisation and felt resentful and overwhelmed.
Whatever caused you stress this Christmas, once the dust settles, Holly says: “Reflection is crucial as it allows us to learn from what happened and identify underlying triggers.”
If there was a disagreement, she says: “Ask yourself why the argument occurred, how it made you feel and how it affected others.
“If we can address and deal with these disagreements, it can improve the overall relationship by developing deeper connections and understanding.”
She adds: “Think about what part you played in the bickering or disagreement and offer suggestions of what you feel you could have done differently, rather than coming from a place of putting all the blame on them.”
So if it was you who rigged that game of Cluedo, it’s time to own up.
Pick a calm moment and a neutral space to have a chat with your loved one about what went on.
If someone let you down, consider whether the situation warrants a conversation or whether it's more beneficial to let it go
Holly Beedon
Holly says: “Take accountability for your part in any disagreements and approach others with empathy, listening without interruption.
Try organising an activity you’ll actually find fun that will help you all let off steam, like going for a walk, seeing a comedy at the cinema or having a kitchen disco.
However, if a loved one has really crossed a line, Simi says: “You may feel that the conflict can’t be resolved and this may be a time for you to reflect on the future of your relationship, especially if you feel you are not being heard or your needs are not being met.”
Dr Elena adds: “Repairing relationships is about consistent effort, not just words.”
If Christmas didn't go to plan
There might not have been any blazing rows in your house, but you could still be feeling let down or disappointed.
Maybe it wasn’t as festive as you’d imagined, the meal was a disaster, or travel disruptions meant you couldn’t see the people you wanted to.
Holly says: “Unmet expectations during Christmas can lead to feelings of disappointment or frustration.
Mind,, provide information about types of mental health problems and where to get help for them. Email info@mind.org.uk or call the infoline on 0300 123 3393 (UK landline calls are charged at local rates, and charges from mobile phones will vary).
run a free, confidential parents helpline on 0808 802 5544 for parents or carers worried about how a child or young person is feeling or behaving. The website has a chat option too.
Rethink Mental Illness, , gives advice and information service offers practical advice on a wide range of topics such as The Mental Health Act, social care, welfare benefits, and carers rights. Use its website or call 0300 5000 927 (calls are charged at your local rate).
Heads Together, , is the a mental health initiative spearheaded by The Royal Foundation of The Prince and Princess of Wales.
“If someone let you down, consider whether the situation warrants a conversation or whether it's more beneficial to let it go.
“Focusing on gratitude can also help reframe the experience.
“Identify moments of joy or connection, no matter how small.”
She says planning something to look forward to can make a huge difference and distract you from the disappointment, adding: “A day out or a personal goal can help shift your focus and boost your mood.”
Managing grief
Grief can be particularly painful if it’s been your first Christmas without a loved one.
Holly says: “Acknowledge your emotions rather than suppressing them; it's okay to feel sadness, longing, or even anger.
- Connecting with others (join a club, call an old friend, have lunch with a colleague)
- Being physically active (go for a jog, do some gardening, have a stretch)
- Learning new skills (front crawl, how to crochet, a new recipe)
- Giving to others (volunteer, saying thank you, spending time with loved ones)
- Paying attention to the present moment (aka being mindful)
It’s a normal human response to feel stressed or to struggle with your mental health sometimes, but if you’re really finding things difficult, or like your Christmas stress just isn’t letting up, again, speak to your GP.
Charities like and are also on hand throughout the festive season and beyond if you need to speak to someone.
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Simi adds: “If things feel overwhelming, consider getting some professional help from a qualified therapist who can help you get to know yourself and your needs better, to see things more objectively, help you set some goals, and look at ways for you to cope.
“All of this can help you improve your life, as well as having a wider positive impact on your relationships.”
The 7 lesser-known signs of stress
A LOT of the time, the signs of stress are pretty obvious.
Your palms get sweaty, your thoughts begin to race, and perhaps you're forced to make a last-minute dash to the toilet.
But sometimes stress manifests itself as more of a background hum than sharp spikes of terror.
Stress can impact your health in ways you might not even be realising and in those cases, your body might tip you off to your mental strain with subtle signs.
Adrienne Benjamin, a nutritionist at , revealed seven lesser-known symptoms.
- Gut churning
- Hair loss
- Low libido
- Acne
- Racing heart
- High blood pressure
- Increased appetite
In the long-term, studies show this can impact you in several ways, including:
- An irregular heartbeat
- Depression
- Infertility
- Frequent infections
- Inflammation