NOT KIDDING
Parents really do have a ‘favourite child’ – and these are the reasons why
Plus, different parenting styles explained
WHILE most parents would deny it, research suggests having a favourite child is a very common occurrence.
A new study suggests there are three things that could affect the way you parent your children - and scientists warn to be careful, as favouritism can be detrimental to the health of the family.
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According to findings by the American Psychological Association, birth order, temperament and gender can all lead to you favouring one child over the other.
The study analysed data from 30 studies and 14 databases which included information on more than 19,000 people.
As well as taking note of age, personality traits and gender, the researchers looked at how parents reported their overall treatment of each child, including positive and negative interactions.
So which children tended to be the favourite?
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Daughters and children who were more conscientious and agreeable received better treatment from their parents.
“The next time you’re left wondering whether your sibling is the golden child, remember there is likely more going on behind the scenes than just a preference for the eldest or youngest,” said lead study author Dr Alexander Jensen, an associate professor at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah.
"It might be about responsibility, temperament or just how easy or hard you are to deal with.”
But favouritism can be temporary and change depending on certain circumstances, according to Dr Ellen Weber Libby, a retired clinical psychologist and author of 'The Favorite Child: How a Favorite Impacts Every Family Member for Life'.
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For example, one of your children might remind you of a grandmother you loved but sadly lost.
Or if a child is aware of your emotions and helps you out after a hard day, that could make you want to spend more time with them.
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Family favouritism can be damaging
While giving preferential treatment to one child doesn't mean you love them any less, the study researchers warned obvious favouritism within the family can have a detrimental impact.
Children who aren't favoured may find themselves with more difficulties during adulthood, says Dr Weber Libby.
"Children who are treated less favourably are particularly at risk for greater substance use, poorer mental health, poorer family relationships. They also tend to get in trouble more at school and home," Dr Jensen added.
And being the favourite might not always be a good thing.
They may get overindulged, which doesn't teach them good life skills for later life.
What to do if you find yourself having a favourite child
The researchers concluded it's best to be aware if you're giving preferential treatment to certain children over others and to act accordingly.
All children are different and have to be parented differently to some degree - but this should be done in a healthy and appropriate way.
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“These findings matter because they give parents a launching point to think about which of their children they may tend to treat more or less favourably," Dr Jensen said.
“I hope parents will use our study as a catalyst to consider how they may treat their children differently, then work to make sure those differences are fair and understood by their children.
“Don’t be afraid to ask your kids how they are doing. Even if they don’t say it outright, your kids will let you know if they think things are unfair between them and their siblings.
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“If that’s the case, try not to be defensive, but rather try to have a discussion about it.”
Want to learn more about parenting styles? Find out about the different ones below...
Different parenting styles explained
There are four recognised styles of parenting explained below:
Authoritarian Parenting
What some might describe as 'regimental' or 'strict parenting.
Parents with this style focus on strict rules, obedience, and discipline.
Authoritarian parents take over the decision-making power, rarely giving children any input in the matter.
When it comes to rules, you believe it's "my way or the highway."
Permissive Parenting
Often referred to as 'soft parenting' or 'yes mums/dads'.
Permissive parents are lenient, only stepping in when there's a serious problem.
They're quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of "kids will be kids."
Oftentimes they act more like friends than authoritative figures.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parents provide their children with rules and boundaries, but they also give them the freedom to make decisions.
With an authoritative parenting style, parents validate their children's feelings while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge.
They use positive reinforcement techniques, like praise and reward systems, as opposed to harsh punishments.
Neglectful or Uninvolved Parenting
Essentially, neglectful parents ignore their children, who receive little guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.
They don't set rules or expectations, and they tend to have minimal knowledge about what their children are doing.
Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don't devote much time or energy to meeting children's basic needs.
Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it's not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child's physical or emotional needs consistently.
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