Strung along by my sexy married neighbour after mind-blowing sex

Dear Deidre

I HAVE been having mind-blowing sex with a woman the same age as my mum.

I have fallen for her but am getting mixed messages.

She has known me since I was five, when she moved in three houses up from my
parents.

I’m a 23-year-old guy and moved back in with my mum last year when my
relationship ended.

This woman is 44 and is married with twin sons who are 11.

I saw them playing football in the park and could see they were good so I
offered to take them to training at the local football club.

They were delighted and it became a regular thing. I get on really well with
them.

Their mum flirted with me every time I picked them up and took them back home.

She asked me to go round one evening when the boys were staying with their
grandparents and her husband was at work.

We both had a bit to drink and I made a move on her. She responded quickly and
we had incredible sex.

She is better than anyone else I have ever known.

Her husband has a good job so she doesn’t need to work. I work shifts and it
has been easy for us to see each other regularly for sex.

I have really fallen for her. She is pretty, sexy and everything I have ever
wanted.

The age gap doesn’t bother me in the slightest, nor does the fact that she is
married and has kids.

I would drop everything in a heartbeat if she would leave her husband.

I have told her how I feel about her but she just kisses me to stop me talking.

I know she doesn’t feel the same about me and I know the age gap worries her.
But she still flirts with me and wants sex.

It’s like she’s got me on a string.

DEIDRE SAYS: I can understand the lure to carry on having sex with your
neighbour but she doesn’t feel as much for you as you do for her and it
sounds as though she reckons she has too much to lose to let this go any
further.

If you carry on this affair, you are the one who will get hurt. In any case,
you are at very different stages in life.

It may not feel like an issue now but imagine yourself at 33 and probably
wanting kids of your own while she is 54.

Be brave, be determined and stop having sex with her now. It is keeping you
tied to her and stopping you seeing the relationship for what it is.

My e-leaflet Your Lover Not Free? will help you assess this realistically.

You deserve to have a girlfriend you can love openly – and have great sex with
too.

Agony at losing our baby girl

Dear Deidre

MY beautiful daughter died four weeks ago.

Every morning I wonder how I am going to get through the day.

It was very sudden. She was our only child.

She was happily married to a wonderful man and was six months pregnant with
their first child, our first grandchild.

She was 24. My husband and I are 48.

She phoned us one morning saying she was in terrible pain.

We went round straight away and called an ambulance.

Our daughter gave birth almost immediately and it was a gorgeous little boy
but things went from bad to worse.

The doctors and nurses did all they could but our daughter died from
complications.

Our grandson died six hours later.

We are finding it impossible to come to terms with what has happened.

DEIDRE SAYS: You and your husband are both in agony and it can make you
draw back from one another, so do share your feelings with friends and look
for outside support.

Find real understanding through Compassionate Friends, for anyone who has lost
a child of any age (tcf.org.uk,
0345 123 2304).

Barmaid may tell my wife of sexts

Dear Deidre

I HAVE been sending sexy messages to a barmaid at my local and now I’m afraid
it may backfire.

I have been going to this pub for years and she started work there a few
months ago.

I texted her complimenting her figure and she said she liked men to admire it.

I sent her a few more comments and they became increasingly sexual. I’m 38 and
she’s in her twenties.

I was in the pub recently and texted her while she was working.

I saw her look at it but she didn’t reply.

I felt stupid and sent another message apologising but she still didn’t reply.

My wife’s 36 and she’s going to the same pub with colleagues next week.

This barmaid is good-looking with a great body but she isn’t a particularly
nice person.

I’m scared she will show my wife the messages.

Should I text her again apologising or leave it alone?

DEIDRE SAYS: The barmaid clearly wants an end to these texts.

She didn’t reply, so respect that and don’t message again.

Say no more and hope she won’t show your wife.

If she does, beg your wife’s forgiveness.

Steer clear of her at the pub.

Dear Deidre

A LETTER dropped through the door saying my boyfriend had been cheating on me.

We’ve been together for three years and have just bought a flat together. I’m
27 and he’s 29.

The letter included a printout of their intimate texts.

He claims it was just messages and nothing happened but she visited our house
twice.

She’s now sent another letter and a WhatsApp message saying they had sex
twice. He denies it and says she is trying to split us up.

It is a small blip and we can carry on. I’m fine at work and with friends and
family but I get nervous when at home in case there are more letters.

DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t sweep your hurt under the carpet.

He is trying to make light of whatever happened but spell out it will be over
if he does anything like that again.

My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you rebuild your
relationship more soundly.

Dear Deidre

MY mother-in-law didn’t want to know me until I gave birth to her grandchild.

Suddenly she wants to be in our lives.

She wanted to take my son to the park without me.

He clung to me and screamed, as he is just 11 months old.

She claims it’s my fault that he hasn’t bonded with her.

Now she wants me and my husband to go away for a weekend so she can enjoy time
with our son.

She is 49. My husband and I are in our mid-twenties.

He told his mother my family are terrible with our son and said he won’t go to
see them but that is a lie.

He will do anything to keep her happy and says I must give her what she wants.

DEIDRE SAYS: Tell your husband to sort out his priorities.

You and his son come first and he ought to be clear about that with his mother
or her attitude will damage your marriage.

My e-leaflet Standing Up For Yourself will help.

Topic for today

ADDICTION to online porn is a fast-growing problem but how do you tell if
you’re hooked?

Eleven hours a week is the tipping point.

The youngest I’ve heard from with this worry was just 11.

For my leaflet Internet Pornography Worry? email me here.

Get in touch

EVERY problem gets a free personal reply. Email me, private message me on , or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE). You can also follow me on Twitter .