Bulimic woman with breast cancer reveals she was HAPPY she would need chemotherapy as it would make her sick… and help her lose weight
Karen Newman's eating disorder began when she was teased by school bullies
A woman was thrilled by the news she needed chemotherapy to treat her breast cancer – because she was in the grip of bulimia and saw it as a way to lose weight.
Karen Newman’s eating disorder was so bad she made herself sick 12 times a day.
So when she was told she needed intense treatment for breast cancer, her first thought was that it might help her stay slim.
“It sounds insane but I actually looked on chemo as a way of losing weight,” she admitted.
“How warped is that?”
Karen began to struggle when she swapped schools at 14 and was bullied because she was dyslexic.
“In those days the teachers made you sit on a dunce’s chair in the back of classroom,” she explained.
“I was teased for that, then my tormentors started picking on my body and personality.
“They said I had a witch’s nose, I was fat, I wasn’t liked. I felt worthless. I wanted to die.”
Karen, now 54, eventually went days without eating.
She would keep food in her mouth while at the family dinner table, then spit it out later.
She is now 5ft 3in and at that point her weight dropped to 5st. What began as anorexia gradually became bulimia following a comment from someone Karen knew.
“Twiggy, the model and actress, was my epitome of perfection,” she explained.
“My mother didn’t understand anorexia. No one really did then - not even the doctors she took me to.
“I wore baggy clothes and hid my problems well.
“But that’s when the demons in my head started, telling me to eat less, that I was worthless and deserved to die.
“At college a girl told me about throwing up.
“I didn’t know the term bulimia – it would take Princess Diana to make that knowledge widespread – but alarm bells went off. It meant I could eat whatever I wanted, then make myself sick.
“If I wanted a huge bowl of ice cream or chocolate I could.
“The high I got from throwing up was like being a cocaine or heroin addict. I was in big trouble.”
Karen began marathon running too, with exercise simply another tool she used to keep her weight low.
She met her husband Peter at college and he would take her out for dinner – but Karen would go to the bathroom and be sick.
“He had no idea, no one did,” she said.
“I knew every solitary bathroom on campus and which ones would be empty at certain times. I never did it in front of anyone else.
“I trained to become a nutritionist and dietician.
“I was very good at it because I knew every calorie and often helped people with eating disorders.
“By then I was making myself sick 12 times a day.
“My bulimia was out of control. I had to do it until I vomited blood because that meant there was nothing left. It hurt a heck of a lot.
“Bulimia affects the gums, teeth, bowels, oesophagus.
“Everything was hurting but I figured I was punishing myself for being worthless.”
Karen didn’t expect to be able to have children, but she and Peter are parents to Stetson, now 23, Chase, 21 and 17-year-old Trent.
Although she managed not to succumb to bulimia when she was pregnant, after her kids were born it returned.
“I couldn’t wait for everyone to go to bed so I could be with my favourite companion – bulimia,” she recalled.
“Often I’d eat an entire box of rice crispies or all the waffles in the freezer.
“I’d eat thousands of calories to the point of being in pain, then throw it all up until I bled.
“The worst was in the mornings when the children got up expecting breakfast and I lied to them that the waffles had gone off.”
In her late 30s she started taking part in triathlons and even broke world speed records because she was so dedicated.
Then at 46 she was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer and given a 10 per cent chance of survival unless she had quick treatment.
At that point she weighed seven-and-a-half stone, but she was still terrified of gaining weight.
“My doctor told me I’d be nauseous and I actually rejoiced, I thought having chemo would help me lose weight,” she said.
When she got home Karen had to tell her children.
They broke down in tears and she promised them she wouldn’t die – a vow which finally helped her deal with her illness.
She decided to fight to survive and felt so ill she didn’t even think of making herself sick.
“I went cold turkey,” she said.
“But I won’t pretend it was easy. Every day was a battle against the voice in my head.
“But cancer was a wake-up call.
“My children needed me and slowly but surely the demon voice started to lose his grip.”
Karen kept up with triathlons even when she was ill, which helped her kids see she was still strong.
Her friends gave her the will to carry on too, supporting her through treatment and doing things like cleaning her house.
She was treated for two years, underwent a mastectomy and radiation, and then began giving talks about having cancer and triathlons.
Karen was also still working as a dietician – but she hadn’t told anyone about her eating disorder.
In 2013, she was invited to give an important speech before 400 people. But as she sat on the plane, she tore up her words and decided finally to come clean about her bulimia.
“I was so nervous and wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing,” she said.
“After all, I’m a dietician and my career is all about nutrition and eating well.
“I was a liar and a hypocrite and I was so ashamed, yet as I spoke you could have heard a pin drop.
“Afterwards people lined up to talk to me and share their secrets.”
Now the mum is hoping to help others and has published a book about her bulimia battle called Just Three Words.
“It took cancer to give me the wakeup call I needed,” she said.
“It might sound odd but hearing the words, ‘Karen, it’s cancer’ saved my life.’”