Big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is my hot work fling
Dear Deidre
I’VE had steamy sex with a girl from work I’d lusted after for ages.
All I can think about is doing it again but my wedding is in two months’ time.
I’m 30 and my fiancée is 24. We haven’t had sex since our two-year-old daughter was born. My fiancée has no confidence since she put on weight.
I have a very high sex drive and have had a few one-night stands to meet my needs.
I have been working with a new girl for three months. I’m an account executive in an advertising agency and she’s a graphic designer. She is 28 and gorgeous. We met properly on a training course recently and had lunch together every day.
We talked at work daily but didn’t take things further. She knows I’m engaged.
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I went on holiday to Crete with my fiancée and daughter. We had nothing to talk about and sat about using our phones all day. After a row about sex one day I went out to the local pub and got wrecked.
I called my work colleague and confessed I really liked her. She said she felt the same.
Last week when I was back at work we went for a drink and I checked us into a hotel. We took a bottle of wine up to our room. The sex was incredible. I’d missed sex so much.
Now I can’t stop thinking about her. We’ve been texting and talking at work when we can and I’m in a dilemma over whether to cancel my wedding.
One of the biggest problems is my parents adore my fiancée and my little girl.
I told my best friend about my affair and he let it slip when my mother was in the room. All hell broke loose.
My mother said I was a terrible person for cheating and if I left home, they would look after my fiancée and daughter and cut me out of their lives.
I’m under a lot of pressure to work things out between us but my gut instinct is to say this isn’t want I want.
DEIDRE SAYS: Having a baby puts pressure on a relationship but you have a responsibility to give your daughter a stable home life.
Tell the girl at work you have to sort out your relationship with your fiancée one way or another.
Then have a serious talk with your fiancée and, if need be, postpone the wedding.
Suggest you exercise together. As the weight drops off, her confidence will build up.
My e-leaflet Sex Problems After A Baby can help. If she won’t even try, then focus on keeping a close relationship with your girl. You can still be a good dad apart.
Wife can’t give us dream baby
Dear Deidre
MY wife is unable to have children and says I should leave her and find somebody who can give me the family I long for.
We were made for each other. She is 27 and I am 29. We’ve been married for a year and babies of our own would make our life together perfect.
But she has endometriosis and it is very unlikely she will conceive. She is the love of my life, but I don’t know how to deal with the prospect of never being a father. She feels she is holding me back.
DEIDRE SAYS: Rather than thinking about what you don’t have, think about what you do have – a strong, loving relationship.
Grieve for your loss but then focus on filling your life with other interests. See which encourages couples to explore all that life without children has to offer.
Teenage trouble
Dear Deidre
MY brother is into drugs in a big way and it’s breaking up my family. He’s 18 and started smoking weed at 14. He has now admitted to taking acid and cocaine.
He gets in a rage, lies and swears at Mum and Dad, even smashes up his room.
His behaviour dominates our home life and causes such stress. I’m a boy of 16 and about to start my GCSEs but I can’t focus on anything because there’s always some argument or my brother is kicking off.
DEIDRE SAYS: Tell your parents how worried you are about the way your brother’s behaviour is affecting family life and your school work.
Suggest they get help through Adfam, which helps families affected by drugs and alcohol ().
Ask a friend if you could study in their home in the short-term. Good luck.
Dear Deidre
MY stepdad says he’s the boss of our house because he’s a man. I hate him.
He’s 40. My mum left my dad for this man two years ago. She’s 35 and I’m a 15-year-old girl. He is nasty to our cats and to me.
He goes away at weekends leaving us with no money or food.
I found a video of him dirty dancing with someone on Facebook. Mum confronted him and he said it was taken before they’d met. I know this is a lie.
I’m afraid to be left alone with him now because I am sure he will threaten me for telling mum what I found.
DEIDRE SAYS: It is important you feel safe if you’re under the same roof.
Tell your mum how unsafe you feel and ask about living with your dad, if that’s possible. You can find understanding support and guidance through ChildLine (, 0800 1111).
Dear Deidre
MY son and I come last in his dad’s life, after his friends and his hobbies.
Our son is a year old and my contract at work ran out while I was on maternity leave.
My partner pressures me to find a job yet he is on benefits and shows no signs of looking for work himself. He does nothing to help me with our son.
He’s 25 and I am 27. He’ll cancel plans we have made to be with his mates and ignores me and our son. I see him for a few hours a day if I am lucky.
All his benefits go on his hobbies while I scrimp to pay the bills.
DEIDRE SAYS: Inform him if you are going to be the main breadwinner, he must be the main carer for your son.
Or you could both work part-time and share the child care. Does he lack confidence looking after your son?
Suggest he check out and my e-leaflet on Help For Job Hunters will help.
Dear Deidre
OUR 15-year-old daughter was struggling to do her hair and my husband grabbed her hair straighteners, threw them across the room and told her to “shove them up her a***”.
He can’t deal with any problem without losing control. I have talked to him about anger management but he won’t hear of it. He’ll give himself a heart attack because he gets so stressed. He’s 45 and I’m 43.
I don’t want my children thinking all adults are angry. My little boy is just seven. Should I fight for this marriage or give up?
DEIDRE SAYS: If he’s not always been on such a short fuse, tell him he needs to see his doctor to rule out an underlying medical cause.
If he gets the all-clear, explain that his temper is destroying your relationship and either he changes or you will have to end your marriage for your children’s sake. My e-leaflet on Managing Anger can help.
Get in touch
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