I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

Dear Deidre

WHEN I met my boyfriend’s parents I realised I had been to bed with them in
my swinging days.

What do I tell my boyfriend?

I’m not even sure he knows what they get up to in private.

I’m 26 and my boyfriend is 27.

Before I met him I was in a casual swinging relationship with an older guy.

He was 43.

We attended lots of parties and engaged in activities with other couples –
including my now-boyfriend’s parents.

I first met them at a party in a big house on the edge of town.

They are both in their late 40s.

They were really friendly but a bit nervous.

I don’t think they had been swingers for very long.

My swinging partner at the time soon put them at their ease and after a few
drinks he suggested we go to one of the play rooms.

The one we went to was partially lit. We soon stripped off and started
touching and caressing each other.

It wasn’t long before I was having sex with my boyfriend’s dad.

We then changed partners and I had awesome sex with his mum too.

We all agreed that we had really enjoyed the evening and met up a few times
after that.

I then met my new boyfriend at a friend’s wedding and we got on brilliantly
from the start.

I broke with the older guy and haven’t been swinging since.

My boyfriend was keen to show me off to his parents after we’d been dating for
couple of months, so we arranged to go over for Sunday lunch.

I couldn’t believe it when I walked into his house and to my horror realised
they were the couple I had been swinging with.

By the look on their faces they knew who I was too.

We kept quiet and I didn’t have the opportunity to talk to them alone that
day.

How do I tell my new boyfriend?

DEIDRE SAYS: You don’t have to.

I would be surprised if his parents ever utter a word about it.

You may feel the urge to clear your conscience by confessing all to your
boyfriend, but what would it do to his relationship with his parents, which
is probably more important to him long-term than your brand-new relationship
is right now?

His parents’ swinging is nothing to do with your boyfriend in fact and you’ve
finished your involvement with that scene.

What might be sensible is to reassure his parents about that if it looks as
though yours is going to be a long-term relationship.

If something crops up though, which makes you decide your boyfriend should
know, then at least warn his parents first.

My porn habit is so out of control

Dear Deidre

MY mind instantly turns to porn every time I am alone in the house.

I’m scared my addiction will consume me.

I got hooked in my late teens.

I’d spend hours watching it and smoking weed.

I kicked drugs when I turned 20 and got a job but the porn habit remains.

I knew I was messed up and had thoughts about ending my life but then I met a
lovely girl.

We married and have a son.

I am 27 now.

But my wife knows nothing about my daily struggle.

She has just started a new job which means she will be out of the house for
long periods.

I work nights so will be home alone a lot.

I am scared my addiction will cost me everything I hold dear. I’m
contemplating suicide again.

DEIDRE SAYS: Porn is addictive, eats into relationships and wrecks your
sex life because it has such a desensitising effect.

Ask your wife to help you break the habit.

Install blocking software on a shared computer.

Have a strategy for every time you think of porn – a run, maybe?

My e-leaflet Internet Pornography Worry? will help and if suicidal thoughts
persist, see your GP and call the Samaritans on 116 123.

Dear Deidre

A WOMAN claims she is seeing my boyfriend.

I’ve been with him for eight years and we have a three-year-old daughter.

I am six months pregnant with our second child and this woman has contacted me
four times.

I’m 25 and my partner is 27.

He admits he messaged her once but her profile picture on WhatsApp is of them
together.

My partner says it is from the one night he met her.

She is 31.

He says he loves me and that she is causing trouble because she thinks he
would want to be with her if we split up.

He never stays out but has lied so much recently so I don’t know if I can
believe him.

DEIDRE SAYS: How disturbing that this woman is pestering you.

But focus on your health, your unborn baby and your little girl.

Believe his actions now and stop your mind going back over his lies.

But tell him that he has to keep working to regain your trust.

Wife had affair with amputee

Dear Deidre

MY ego took a huge hit after I discovered that my wife was having an affair
with an amputee.

I’ve seen live video chats with my wife doing intimate stuff to herself for
him.

They sent naked photos and my wife set up a meeting with him while we were on
holiday together near him – she’d made sure we would be.

She went to his hotel room where they kissed and intimately fondled one
another.

My wife made the mistake of confiding in a friend – who then felt I should
know.

I am 36 and my wife’s 32.

We’ve been married for 15 years.

I confronted my wife, who admitted what happened and wants me to forgive her.

She says she still loved me all the time this affair was going on.

But I am hurting.

Can our marriage survive?

DEIDRE SAYS: It can but you will both have to be honest and work hard
to rebuild trust.

What made her tempted?

Did she want to feel special and needed?

I’m not excusing her but you have a better chance to save your relationship if
you share some responsibility for the state of your marriage.

My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help.

Dear Deidre

MY wife jokingly said my manhood is like a mini sausage.

I know her exes were bigger than me – I saw a photograph of one of them.

I’m 30 and my wife is 28.

We have been married for three years.

I am very worried because my manhood seems to have become smaller lately.

Is this possible?

I am just over an inch when soft and just five inches when erect.

My wife seems to enjoy sex with me so I didn’t think there was a problem –
until she made this comment.

Do you think she may be cheating on me with her ex?

Should I ask if she would like a male escort so I can help her to be satisfied?

DEIDRE SAYS: Forget the escorts.

Her joke hurt and I hope she regretted it but what matters to be a brilliant
lover is to be informed and considerate.

It is probably anxiety making it seem smaller to you now.

My e-leaflet Manhood Too Small? will reassure you.

Topic for today

THE day you get married should be one of the happiest of your life but all too
often it can bring ferocious family tensions to the surface.

My Wedding Worries leaflet explains how to ensure you have a wonderful day.

Get in touch

EVERY problem gets a free personal reply.

Email me here, private message me on , or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).