I’m so in love with chip-shop girl half my age but don’t know how to leave my overweight wife

Dear Deidre

I HAVE been having amazing sex with the girl who works in the fish and chip
shop next to where I work.

She is pretty with lovely blonde hair — and is half my age.

I am 43, she is 22.

It all began when I saw her coming out of the chippy one evening at the same
time as my shift was finishing.

It was a cold foggy night and she asked me if I would walk her home — I used
to coach her brother at football so she felt safe with me.

It soon became a regular thing.

I was flattered because I didn’t think a lovely girl like her would look twice
at someone like me.

She started holding my hand, then putting her arm through mine.

She gave me a squeeze when we said goodnight and this led to a peck on the
cheek.

Then one night she invited me into her flat.

She shares it with another girl who is always at her boyfriend’s so she has
the place to herself most of the time.

One thing led to another and we ended up in bed.

Now we have passionate sex most nights.

She says she is a learner when it comes to sex but she seems pretty
experienced to me.

My wife has let herself go.

Her weight has more than doubled and our sex life is non-existent.

We have been married for 19 years and she is pretty much housebound, while I
keep fit.

We couldn’t have children and have little in common now.

My new girlfriend wants me to move in with her and this is what I would like,
more than anything, but I don’t see how I can just walk out on my wife as
she is so dependent on me.

I need to find a way of telling my wife with the least possible upset and I
have to do this before I lose my girlfriend to a younger guy.

She won’t wait for ever.

DEIDRE SAYS: Sex with a girl half your age must feel very exciting but
there is no way you can leave your wife without it causing huge distress.

So the first thing you need to be sure of is that your girlfriend sees this as
a lasting relationship, that she’s not going to trade you in for a younger
model in a couple of years.

And even if she’s sure, you still owe it to your wife to tell her how unhappy
you are and see if together you can revive your marriage.

Ask your girlfriend to give you space to try.

If she won’t, then your relationship is doomed anyway.

Was your wife depressed about you not being able to have children?

Is that when your sex life died away?

You could both find understanding through More To Life For The Involuntarily
Childless online at infertilitynetworkuk.com/moretolife.

My e-leaflet Torn Between Two Women? should help.

If you do leave, at least you’ll know you tried first.

Why am I unable to relax in bed?

Dear Deidre

I AM a woman of 25 but I have never had proper sex.

I try to avoid sexual situations because I know it will be embarrassing for me.

It has never been possible for a partner’s penis to go inside me and trying is
very painful.

I’ve seen a specialist and been diagnosed as suffering from vaginismus.

I was given a set of dilators but I couldn’t make any progress.

I feel so despairing and alone.

I have never had any traumatic sexual experience and don’t come from a prudish
background so I don’t know why this is happening to me.

Boyfriends have always been kind about it but it stops relationships going
anywhere.

I wonder whether it is even worth it to pursue any relationship any further.

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t give up hope. I think you haven’t found the right
help yet.

Maybe you were anxious the first time you had sex, or your first partner was
insensitive, so it hurt.

Your body would involuntarily tense up the next time and so a vicious circle
is set up.