‘F****** hell, grandma’: Parents reveal the most appalling words their children have uttered
Shocked mums shared their stories on Mumsnet
GOBSMACKED mums have taken to the internet to share the most astonishing things their kids have come out with - embarrassing their parents, grandparents, and anyone within earshot in the process.
In a thread entitled , Mumsnet users posted their hilarious anecdotes - in which their little angels (or perhaps devils) make shocking accusations, show off their colourful vocabulary and simply remind everyone that kids really do have no filter.
The discussion was started by a user named HeresashatinaboxpAt, who described the tale of total rejection from her then two-year-old daughter.
She wrote: "My dd [Darling Daughter] aged about two once shouted in the middle of a packed Tesco: 'Stranger... I don't know who you are!' whilst pointing at me! She maintained this until we got back to the car.
"Another time we had Virgin installed and she told the guy that I had kidnapped her and I wasn't her real mum! FFS why??"
Meanwhile, StarOnTheTree was also hilariously falsely accused by her daughter.
She recalled: "DD3 shouted 'you're a child abuser' at me repeatedly as we walked to school one morning. All because she refused to walk so I had to hold her wrist firmly."
And they certainly weren't alone in their despair, as other users immediately shared their stories.
Gingerbreadmanm said: "My dn [Darling Niece] recently told my dm [Darling Mum] (grandma) that she was a 'f'ing hell'. Only 4 and not the best speech so we thought she had said something else.
"Questioned her to get to the bottom of it at which point she was getting frustrated and said slowly, but clearly in a Kevin and Perry-esque way... 'F****** hell grandma'."
Yes please Nanny, my potato is being a right c***
And that's not the only tale of a little one mouthing off, as TheTartOfAsgard explained an occasion when her son completely forgot his table manners - with hysterical results.
She said: "Mother's Day dinner with the family at a local restaurant: mum, Nan, sisters, plus my sisters husband's parents. My ds [Darling Son] (then about 4 or 5) was struggling cutting his food. Nan asks if he wants some help, he replied, 'Yes please Nanny, my potato is being a right c***'.
Now Read
"Silence at the table, except for my brother in law, who was on his hands and knees in tears, unable to breathe."
Meanwhile, some kids simply get a bit mixed up - as CosyLulu discovered the hard way.
She shared: "Dd and I were going to the cinema when she was about three and we saw one of her nursery teachers. I explained we were going to watch a film and the teacher asked dd what it was called and she shrugged and said, 'can we have c*** porn?'
"The teacher gave me a really weird look and it was only after talking to dd that I discovered she'd meant to say popcorn. I tried to explain it to the teacher another time but she never looked at me in the same way..."
Mum, can we have some c*** porn?
And if the thread teaches us anything, it's that even the most well-behaved children sometimes blurt out an unexpected blinder.
Frankie001 wrote: "Family meal with my then 6 year old niece. She asked why my boyfriend and I didn't have children. As he had a vasectomy I explained that he had had the same operation her dog had had to stop him making babies.
"She shouted very loudly 'What?! He has had his balls chopped off?!'"