I was a virgin until I met this guy but he keeps illegal sex quiet

Dear Deidre

I AM falling in love with a great guy but he says he does not do relationships.

The sex is amazing but I worry he is just using me until someone better comes along.

1

I am 15, he is 21 and we met at the garage where he works. We chatted every time I popped in to buy snacks for lunch then he started flirting with me.

I knew he really liked me by the way he looked at me when I walked in.

He asked me to meet him one evening and we went for a drive in his open-top sports car. It was out of this world.

He didn’t try anything on for weeks, we just talked and laughed together.

Then he asked me to go to his house one weekend when his parents were away.

We had a takeaway with some cider then we watched TV in his bedroom. We started kissing and ended up having sex.

I was a virgin until that night but the sex was brilliant after the first time. He made me feel very special.

It has now been four months but we keep our relationship secret as he is worried about the age gap.

I was a virgin until that night but the sex was brilliant

He promises everything will change when I turn 16 in September but I can’t wait to shout about us to all my friends and family.

I don’t care whether anyone else approves or not.

Lately though he is talking more about not doing relationships.

When I try to talk to him about it he just says we will have to see what happens.

If I try to push it he just gets annoyed. All of a sudden I feel really insecure.

I feel helpless to do anything about it and I am starting to wonder if I should stop seeing him before he dumps me and I get even more hurt.

DEIDRE SAYS: When you are in love it is natural to want to shout it out loud but this guy knows that having sex with you is against the law.

No wonder he wants to keep it quiet – and that in itself is a sign that this should not be happening.

The law is there to protect you from making decisions you later regret  and I am afraid you will regret having sex with this guy.

He is already backing away and as a result you are feeling used.

Don’t let him hurt you like this. Tell him you won’t carry on seeing him secretly or having sex under-age.

If he wants to be with you, he should see you openly, respect your feelings and respect the law.

To be honest, I think he will simply stop seeing you once you make such a demand   but better to know now if he doesn’t really care for you.

My e-leaflet on Under-age Sex will help you to think this through for yourself.

Insane feeling of love for ex

Dear Deidre

MY husband adores me but I am still in love with my teen sweetheart.

I found him on Facebook and he has a wife and baby. I don’t want to upset his happy life but I want him back.

I am 35 but met my ex when we were both 17. He moved abroad after 18 months and we agreed to stay just friends. We found new loves but met up and always ended up having sex.

He was supposed to come back after a year. We were talking about getting back together but his work posted him to another country. I then met my husband and got pregnant unplanned.

When I called to tell my ex he cried and said it should have been us. My husband and I have three daughters of ten, eight and five. He’s 39.

I love him but I’m not in love with him and  he has difficulty showing his feelings.

Now  I have found my ex again I am driving myself insane. I know my husband will never measure up to him.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband is being  measured  against a dream of the  man you imagine your ex turned into.

Tell  your husband you both need  to try harder – my  e-leaflet Looking After Your Relationship can help.

Wife is texting Tenerife toyboy

Dear Deidre

I CHECKED my wife’s phone and found raunchy messages from a guy she met on holiday in Tenerife.

I am 55 and my wife is 49 but looks 30. She went to Tenerife last year with mates.

When she came home she was distant but booked another holiday for us to the same resort.

She spent our entire holiday on her mobile and when I took a siesta, she went off “to the beach to top up her tan” – or so she said.

I found all these messages from the other guy when we got home. She was obviously seeing him. I confronted her and we had big row.

This guy is half her age. She texts him when she thinks I am asleep. I can’t keep my erection now and I am worried this will drive her still further away.

DEIDRE SAYS: No wonder you feel impotent – emotionally and physically – if she has an affair under your nose.

Tell her things cannot carry on as they are.

You love her and want your marriage to work but she has to want that too and meet you half-way.

My e-leaflets on Solving Erection Problems and 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help you get the spark back.

I go round to see my grandchildren but it depresses me to see the chaos

Dear Deidre

IT breaks my heart to see the way my grandchildren have to live. They go to school untidy and their home is filthy.

My son is 31. He has been with their mum for ten years and they have five children aged nine to 18 months.

She is 28 and sits around all day doing nothing but watching TV or playing online bingo.

I go round  to see my grandchildren but it depresses me to see the chaos.

She shouts at the children constantly and doesn’t seem to cope. My son works all hours to provide.

DEIDRE SAYS: For the sake of your grandchildren please do keep visiting.

Try to see beneath the surface chaos in their home. Are the children happy and thriving?

Have a  word with your son and offer practical help. His partner sounds depressed and overwhelmed.

Contact Home-Start which can help (, 0800 068 6368).

Can you babysit so they can go out as a couple sometimes?

My fiancée and I have fun but our sex life has suffered

Dear Deidre

I FEEL stuck in a loop – being rubbish at everything and now I am having problems in the bedroom too.

I am 25. Work got me down when a new boss took over.

There was no getting it right. I used to be in work early every day full of beans.

Now I limp in late and can’t focus.

My fiancée and I have fun but our sex life has suffered. Sometimes I feel too tired or else I can’t finish.

DEIDRE SAYS: Stress can tip into depression and lead to tiredness and low libido.

Talk to your line manager at work and ask for clearer guidelines.

Follow them but get a routine in place so that you leave work problems at work – see yourself putting them down as you leave the building.

Share sensuous massages at home with your fiancée to help revive your sexual responses.

My e-leaflet Massage For Couples explains.