Dear Deidre

My married lover is having my baby… but she doesn’t want me to have anything to do with it

Read Deidre’s personal replies to today’s problems

Dear Deidre

I HAD a passionate affair with a woman who lives over the road, even though she is married and I have a long-term girlfriend.

Now she is having my baby and wants me to have nothing to do with it.

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We started having sex at her place whenever we could ... then the inevitable happenedCredit: Getty Images

She is 37 and I am 30. It all began with her waving to me out of her front window when I came home from work.

One evening she noticed I had been looking miserable for a week or two and came out to have a chat.

She said she was worried about me and I was really touched.

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My girlfriend and I had been rowing for a long time, my job wasn’t going well and I was overtired after a heavy cold.

I hadn’t had a break for more than a year and holidays were one of the things my girlfriend and I argued about.

She kept coming up with ideas I thought were all too expensive and we couldn’t agree on anything. Our sex life had gone downhill, too. To have an understanding and sympathetic woman caring about me was wonderful.

We started having sex at her place whenever we could — usually when my girlfriend went to the gym or her exercise class and my lover’s husband was working late.

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Eventually the inevitable happened and she got pregnant.

She told me as soon as she found out and confirmed the baby is mine. She also told me she’s keeping the child but doesn’t want me to be involved.

At first I was shocked but now I have got used to the idea I am desperate to be a father to my child. I told her this but she says I was just “a sperm donor”.

She is now planning to move house — with her husband — and says that she doesn’t want any complications.

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I feel sure she’s going to tell him it is his baby and I am gutted.

DEIDRE SAYS: I am afraid you are pretty powerless – except to cause a lot of emotional distress – but you could have saved yourself all this if you had used protection.

For her husband to accept the baby as his, you have to assume they have a sex life – so the baby could actually be his.

In any event you have no power to demand DNA tests without the mother’s consent. If she agreed to this – which seems unlikely – and the baby turns out to be yours, breaking up her
marriage would hardly help the child have a happier life.

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It may be better to accept you may have been used and learn from it.

Work on your relationship with your girlfriend, or break up with her and find yourself someone new who is free and who wants a family with you too – but use protection until you are both ready to start a family together.

 

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Neighbour's dog barks non-stop all day

Dear Deidre

A NEIGHBOUR’S dog barks constantly and is disturbing everyone’s peace. It isn’t fair on us or the dog.

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