“She’s the love of my life and knows me far better than my wife”… lovers reveal why they’re cheating on their partners
With one in five British adults having an affair, we speak to a couple who have been cheating for two years
ONE in five British adults has confessed to an affair – and infidelity websites are booming.
So why do married people cheat? What makes it worth the terror of being uncovered and the possibility of jeopardising your family and home?
Here, DIANA APPLEYARD hears from a couple who have been having an affair for more than two years – and say they will continue to do so despite the huge risk to all they hold dear.
Nick, 42
IT worker, kids aged eight and ten
I HAVE to be honest and say that at first our affair was all about sex. I’d seen Caroline at my kids’ school and thought how pretty she was, with such a great figure.
She’s quite a crazy dresser too, long skirts and Dr Martens. There was this connection between us, and my first thought was, “I bet she’s great in bed”.
I’d had a couple of affairs before, but just short-lived bonks.
I do love my wife but our marriage has gone stale, especially in the bedroom. I’m a fairly highly-sexed bloke but my wife only wanted sex once a week, if I was lucky. I was working out frantically in the gym, trying to burn off my sexual frustration.
Caroline and I started chatting at school drop-offs and pick-ups. I knew I wanted to sleep with her but I didn’t want to frighten her off by making too blatant a move.
Our affair feels anything but sordid
We had also started seeing each other socially — I quickly realised I couldn’t stand her husband, he’s a pompous t***, but she and I found out we had a lot in common, we laughed at the same things and had the same interests.
We’re both much less ‘responsible’ than our other halves, and I think we bring out the child in each other.
I dropped round a book one day but I had no idea if we’d end up in bed. Though once I was through the door she made it plain. We fell on each other. It was the best sex ever. In many ways, the sex is much more exciting because it’s illicit.
related stories
We can only make love during the day, and once we nearly got caught by her cleaner, who arrived unexpectedly. I literally had to hide naked in the wardrobe. We are a bit reckless — we had to stop emailing because her husband got suspicious.
We have secret pay-as-you-go phones so we can communicate. I keep mine in my car, locked in the glove compartment. It gives me something to look forward to every day, hearing from her.
I should feel guilty, but I don’t. Although the affair started through sexual desire, it’s now much, much more. I love her.
I think I still love my wife, and in a way having Caroline means I can put up with the boring bits with my wife.
I adore my kids and can’t imagine the thought of being a weekend McDonald’s father.
No matter how carefully we tried to manage it, if we divorced we’d end up with ruined lives, and I think we’d end up resenting each other. Financially we’d be screwed too. I know these aren’t noble reasons for staying in a marriage, but they are practical ones.
I can’t see our affair ending unless we get found out. But we’re pretty careful. We only meet at her house for sex when the kids are at school and no one will see us.
Occasionally we arrange to “casually” bump into each other at the local coffee shop. People know we’re friends and when we’re together in public we are very careful not to flirt or even look at each other too much.
No one would guess how intimate we are. I know her inside out, and she knows me — much better than my wife ever has.
I’m sure that Caroline is the love of my life – but no one will ever know. If they did, the destruction and chaos would affect not just us and our family but our parents, friends — it’s unthinkable.
People would see our affair as sordid and wrong, whereas to us it feels anything but. That’s how I justify it to myself — we deserve to be happy.
Caroline, 39
PR worker, three kids aged six to 11
SEX with Nick takes me to a place I have never been before, it’s the intensity with which he stares into my eyes as we make love, the absolute need we have to possess each other.
Afterwards, lying in sweat-soaked sheets that I have to make a mental note to change, he says, “I love you. I can’t live without this”.
I keep my secret phone in my knicker drawer, and my heart almost stopped when one of my children found it and said, “Mummy, what’s this?”
Thank goodness they didn’t access any of our messages, they can be extremely steamy. I can’t imagine ever saying anything like this to my husband, he’d be so shocked.
But Nick understands me. We’re soul mates. We’re both slightly hippy, creative types, we both read English at university.
He works at home designing software programs and I work freelance at home for a PR company. My husband works in the City, Nick’s wife is a lawyer.
It was like seeing the world in colour
Our other halves know each other, we have dinner parties together. Sometimes it’s only hours since we have been naked in bed together.
My husband thinks Nick’s a bit of a useless prat, but he admires his wife.
When I first met Nick at my kids’ school the attraction was instant. He’s the opposite of my husband. Nick’s very casual, scruffy even, while my husband wears a suit and tie every day. Nick’s always smiling, relaxed, my husband is very stressed.
My husband and I hadn’t had sex for six months when Nick and I first made love. I couldn’t talk to my husband about our lack of sex, he got angry, saying he was just tired.
Two and a half years ago I mentioned I wanted a particular book and Nick said he had a copy and would drop it round. I think we both knew what was going to happen.
“The sex was explosive, the best ever. I was so shocked at how alive it made me feel. It was like suddenly seeing the world in colour. I couldn’t stop grinning. Even my husband noticed the change in me. I got my hair cut and bought new clothes and sexy lingerie.
My friends noticed the change too, and I confessed all to my best friend. She said I must be nuts, because I have so much to lose in material terms.
“I thought I loved my husband but I don’t — what I feel for him is nothing compared to how I feel about Nick.
Nick and I talk endlessly about this but we can’t split up our marriages.
My husband would fight me through the courts for my children. He’d do everything he could to ruin my life.
Nick’s wife earns the majority of their money, too. She’d boot him out and do all she could to stop him seeing his children.
So many couples get divorced but to achieve anything like an amicable settlement you have to both be reasonable.
My husband wouldn’t be reasonable, he’d be wild with rage. I am worried he’d kill me or Nick, or both. He has a violent temper. He’s never hit me but he shouts. I’m frightened of him.
I feel I am myself with Nick. I’m the person I want to be.
But we live on a knife edge. I was nearly caught out early in our relationship when I left my laptop open and my husband looked over my shoulder at my inbox and saw Nick’s name.
I said he was just emailing me about a school event.
If we’re discovered, all hell will be let loose. But I can’t give Nick up. Apart from the children, I love him most in the world. Only he’s not mine.”
Do you have a story for The Sun Online news team?
Email us at [email protected] or call 0207 782 4368.