I have an amazing girlfriend but I can’t get my mind off my sister’s sexy pal

Dear Deidre

MY sister’s best friend called me upstairs at our house to help her find her phone but we ended up having fantastic sex. Now I can’t stop thinking about her – despite having a brilliant girlfriend.

We have been together for three years and she is pretty, sexy and loving. We both live at home with our parents because we are saving for our wedding and a place of our own. I am 26, she is 25.

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I have known my sister’s best friend for years, as they were at school together. They are both 20.

I had always thought of her as a kind of sister but just lately there has been chemistry between us whenever we have been near each other.

We started to chat on social media and the talk soon turned pretty flirty.

I don’t know how it happened but we just grabbed each other and started kissing

She and my sister were going to another mate’s 21st last weekend. My sister went early to help get things ready for the party.

My parents had gone out, so it was just me and my sister’s mate at home.

She was upstairs getting dressed and she called down to me, saying she had lost her phone and could not go out without it. She asked me to go up and call her phone so she could find it.

I went upstairs and she was standing in the bedroom door, wearing only red underwear and black heels.

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She looked absolutely amazing.

I don’t know how it happened but we just grabbed each other and started kissing. Our hands were everywhere and it was fantastic.

We went over to the bed and had mind-blowing sex.

Afterwards she said we could do it whenever we wanted if we were together properly. I know it is wrong but I want to.

I am in a bad situation. I love my girlfriend but I have really strong feelings for my sister’s friend. She is always on my mind.

DEIDRE SAYS One bout of amazing secret sex doesn’t mean you are right for one another.

On the other hand, your girlfriend may be a lovely girl but something isn’t right between you, given how the chemistry has built up between you and your sister’s friend.

You have to decide which girl you want but cheating is only clouding your judgment.

Tell your sister’s mate you need time to sort out your feelings and you won’t have sex with her any more until you know what you really want.

Take a month, if need be, but make a choice. My e-leaflet Torn Between Two Women? will help you make up your mind.

If this girl’s feelings for you are ­genuine, she will give you the space to make the right decision.

I need my druggie hubby in my life

Dear Deidre

I CAUGHT my husband using cocaine on top of drinking too much. I threw him out but he says that’s mental abuse.

We are both 32 and have been married for four years. I accepted his drinking though he does become nasty.

He didn’t come home after work last Friday. I went to look for him at his mate’s. He was abusive and told me to leave but I saw cocaine on the kitchen table. I told him we were over.

The next day, I felt I’d made a mistake but he says he is not coming back because I abuse him mentally.

He has left me before, after we rowed because he sold my things behind my back. My friends say it is just a massive man strop, that he’ll be back, but I worry he won’t.

DEIDRE SAYS I’m very worried you even want him back. Your husband has a drink problem and has stolen from you – was that to fund his developing drugs habit?

You deserve better. Tell your husband he can only come back if he commits to sorting out his drink and drugs problems. He can find help through FRANK (, 0300 123 6600).

Family's warring is getting me down

Dear Deidre

I WANT all my children at my baby’s christening but my husband has banned my 18-year-old daughter.

She and my son, 15, are by my ex. I left him after he beat me up in front of my daughter when she was 11. Because of this, she is rebellious and doesn’t trust men.

My husband and I have been together for three years. We have a six-month-old. I am 37, my husband is 39.

He doesn’t get on with my daughter and said she should go to live with my mum. He wants nothing to do with her.

Our baby’s christening is in three weeks. I love her and my husband but they are both stubborn and say the other must apologise first.

DEIDRE SAYS Your daughter was affected by the domestic abuse she witnessed and is too young to have worked through it. She must have felt very hurt by your husband displacing her in your life.

He is an adult and should be more understanding. Insist that your daughter come to the christening and give her a special role so she feels part of the family.

is a great website for young people affected by domestic abuse.

Dear Deidre

MY partner is having an operation and I’m worried sick it will all go wrong. I am putting on a brave face, especially in front of our children, but it is driving me crazy.

We have been together for 15 years. I am 40, she is 38. We have two boys of 11 and 13.

My wife has a slipped disc in her back which has given her serious problems for years. She is in terrible pain and can hardly move sometimes.

Her specialist says this operation will put things right. We know there are risks, although they are very small. My wife says she will try anything to stop the pain.

DEIDRE SAYS Did you lose someone when you were young who was having surgery? Or were your parents scared of hospitals?

Make a list with your wife of any worries you have and talk to her surgeon. Don’t offload your worries on to your wife though. BackCare can help (, 0208 977 5474).

Dear Deidre

MY boyfriend is nagging at me to have anal sex. He is a big guy, handsome and has a great character. I think he may be the one for me if we can settle this.

We have been together for six weeks. I am 23, he is 27. We already have great sex but he really wants this.

I have never done it but friends tell me it is painful. He tried to do it during sex recently without asking me. I was shocked and pushed him away. I tried using a vibrator that way and it was impossible. How can I tell him it is never going to happen?

DEIDRE SAYS Nobody should be pressured into doing anything sexual they don’t want to. He was very wrong to try this without your consent.

Tell him he should respect your feelings. If he repeats it, end the relationship because it will only lead to worse. My e-leaflet on Standing Up For Yourself can help you.