My girlfriend and I have sex up to 20 times a day – is this normal?

Dear Deidre

I AM having sex with my girlfriend up to 20 times a day but I am worried this is not normal.

You would think the sex would be rubbish since we’re having so much of it, but it’s the best I have ever had.

It blows my mind.

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I am 23 and she is 21.

I drive a delivery van and had dropped off a couple of parcels where she works.

She is a very pretty girl so I was pleased when I bumped into her on a night out.

She was celebrating her friend’s 21st birthday.

There were lots of other women there but I caught her eye and she smiled at me, so I went over.

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We chatted a lot of the night and were getting on really well.

Her mates left to go on to a club but she decided to stay with me.

When the pub closed I suggested she come back to my place and we ended up having amazing sex all night.

She’s moved in with me now.

We both tend to wake early in the morning and have sex maybe three or four times.

She then cooks breakfast and we sometimes have sex again.

We both tend to wake early in the morning and have sex maybe three or four times. She then cooks breakfast and we sometimes have sex again.

I drop her off in town for work and then start my working day.

I always make time for her.

I can choose my hours so I am flexible.

I pick her up later in the afternoon and we go home and have sex as much as six times.

After that I cook dinner.

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We are free for sex all evening.

It is perfect because it doesn’t interfere with anything.

I love her so much.

We both have crazily high sex drives but is it normal to be intimate that many times?

Could we do ourselves any harm?

DEIDRE SAYS: Lots of readers will be envious and the frequency with which you have sex is certainly way above average.

But there is no such thing as normal.

It is what you and your girlfriend are happy with that counts.

One thing to check is whether she really is as happy with all this as you are.

She may be trying to please you but not getting that much out of it herself.

Most women respond to lots of sensual and intimate touching, not just speedy intercourse.

It’s hard to imagine there is much of that in your time frame.

How often does she (really) orgasm?

You will probably find your own responses slow down a bit as you grow more familiar with one another so it’s best to start to introduce more variety into your sex life now anyway.

My e-leaflets How To Have Great Sex and How To Thrill A Woman In Bed will help you get thinking.

And I hope you’re using effective contraception.

This is a new and untried relationship.

An unplanned baby would majorly cramp your style.

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here.  Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the . Follow me on Twitter  or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

My boss giving off gay signals

Dear Deidre

I’M gay and madly in love with my boss but I have no idea how he feels about me.

I work as a mechanic in a garage.

My boss is a partner in the firm and has been there for years.

He is 35.

I am 22 and started working there 18 months ago.

He is engaged with a child but is very flirty with me.

He asks me if I fancy him and then laughs it off as a joke.

I was in his office a few weeks ago and he asked me if I thought he was sexy.

I am confused because it is not the first time he has said things like that.

I’ve really fallen for him but it feels impossible to ask him how he feels.

It would make things difficult at work.

DEIDRE SAYS: Maybe he is ambivalent about his sexuality or maybe he is winding you up – a sort of power play.

Either way it is inappropriate behaviour in a boss and he is not free to have a relationship with anyone else anyway.

You will only get hurt if anything develops between you.

From now on keep all conversation with him purely professional.

Is the underlying problem that your personal social life is limited?

My e-leaflet on Gay Resources can help.

Forcing wedding got me dumped

Dear Deidre

MY partner dumped me after I gave him an ultimatum to set a date for our wedding.

I am a 54-year-old divorcee and have been on my own for a very long time.

I met my partner, who is 55, through a mutual friend.

He had been on his own for a long time after his divorce, too.

We hit it off and got engaged.

We were so happy.

I loved him and trusted him completely.

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We talked about our wedding but he would keep putting it off.

He wouldn’t move in with me so I thought an ultimatum would make him set a date.

Instead, he broke up with me, won’t reconsider and I am so lonely.

I have been off work for months with stress.

DEIDRE SAYS: The problem with an ultimatum is that it can go either way.

But if your partner’s real problem is a fear of commitment, then it was highly unlikely he would ever have married you.

Dwelling on it at home all day isn’t helping.

Get yourself back to work.

The routine can help take your mind off your heartbreak and bring much-needed structure.

My e-leaflet Mend Your Broken Heart will help too.

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I wake up feeling terrified. I can’t get my breath and feel terrible.

Dear Deidre

EVERY night I wake up feeling terrified.

I can’t get my breath and feel terrible.

It is like having a panic attack but the only difference is I am asleep.

I am 61 and live alone, as I’ve done since my husband died three years ago.

I have no problem getting off to sleep but I wake up after about an hour or so.

My heart is racing and I am breathless.

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I then spend the next couple of hours pacing around my bedroom until I feel able to get back into bed.

I don’t know where this has all come from but it is making me so tired.

I never have these attacks during the day.

I usually feel fine.

What’s wrong with me?

DEIDRE SAYS: When you are asleep your brain can start to process thoughts and anxieties that are bubbling away underneath.

My e-leaflet on Panic Attacks explains immediate self-help to cope.

And avoid stimulants like coffee, tea, alcohol and chocolate in the evening.

I have a loyalty to the bosses and feel warning them is right thing to do

Dear Deidre

SHOULD I warn my company that one of my colleagues is planning to hand in his notice?

I have a loyalty to the bosses and feel it is the right thing to do.

I am a 27-year-old guy.

I don’t know this colleague that well.

I have only met him briefly a couple of times and then we only discussed work.

I overheard other workmates talking about him and saying how much they were going to miss him and arranging a leaving do.

Should I tell the HR department?

DEIDRE SAYS: The firm may already know but it is none of your business and you have no responsibility to inform them.

Employers know workers leave, there will be rules in place to deal with it and your colleagues could see you as being a sneak.

Why is this bothering you?

Are you feeling insecure about your own job?

Best focus on your own performance, not policing others.

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