‘Is it bad form to have a child-free wedding?’ Mums are debating the issue… and not everyone can agree
The bride-to-be was worried about a 'mass exodus' at bed-time... but some said parents might not come at all without their kids
A COUPLE who disagreed about whether or not it’s socially acceptable to have a child-free wedding have sparked an online debate.
Revealing the dilemma on Mumsnet, user Wandering Not Lost asked the parents whether or not it’s unreasonable to ask people to leave their kids at home – and has divided opinion.
The couple are planning a wedding in the City, east London or Essex – and struggling to afford a party for their 127-strong guest list, many of whom are the bride-to-be’s extended Irish family.
She added: “As a way of saving some money I suggested we make it a child-free wedding.
“DP (dear partner) thus far is not a fan of this idea, as a) he thinks it's bad form to say 'you can't bring your kids to our wedding' and b) if the people with kids can't bring their kids they just won't come.
“I've pointed out that plenty of people have child-free weddings, quite often it's nice for the grown-ups to have a night off and let their hair down and get nicely sloshed and if we do have kids there, we run the risk of everyone who is there with kids leaving early to put said offspring to bed.
“I'm imagining this mass exodus at half 9 if people have to leave to put their kids to bed, which would be such a shame!
“We're paying for the whole thing ourselves, so it's that many extra meals to buy, and finding somewhere reasonably priced with that capacity is proving to be quite a challenge!
“We've only been to a couple of weddings (of the God knows how many we've attended in the last few years) where there have been children, and I don't remember anyone not going to a child-free wedding for that reason.”
In response, Apple Magic said: “Have a child free wedding if you want but you're not doing the parents a favour.
“If you invite children, the parents can still choose not to bring them and ‘let their hair down’. By banning them you're just removing this choice.
“I don't think it's bad form though, it's personal preference if you want kids there or not.
“If it's just four children (the groom-to-be) is worried about, why doesn't he sound out his friends and see how easy it is for them to get babysitters?
“Surely it would be more of a shame if they couldn't come at all?”
Voddy 4 agreed, saying: “We have been invited to two child free weddings this year and because of this we can't go to either due to lack of babysitters which is a shame as they are very close friends so would have loved to see them get married.
“I'm not annoyed though it's their decision to have a child free wedding which I respect it's just a shame.
“They don't have children themselves so don't always realise babysitters aren't always easy to acquire!”
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Violet Bam said: “I would leave earlier because of the expense of babysitters. I wouldn't mind they couldn’t come....but your Irish family might!”
Some of the mums were FULLY on the husband-to-be’s side.
Among them was 2nds, who said: “A marriage is a partnership, he wants kids let there be kids.
“If you have no kids yourself right now maybe you will one day and you might see these types of family occasions in a different light.
“Leaving early depends on different factors – so you can't really judge if people will leave early or not because of the kids.
“Mine are very young so yes I'd leave early, but if they were teens I'd happily stay on till late if there was no reason to be up early.”
Tendon Queen said: “I'm not Irish but have been to several Irish big weddings.
“They've always been very inclusive family occasions, and somehow that's never stopped the adults making a big night of it. So I think you're barking up the wrong tree here.
“Have everyone there as your future DH (dear husband) wants and look for other ways to economise.
“I agree that 16 (the number of kids who could be invited) out of 127 probably isn't a worthwhile financial saving either for the potential grief it could cause.”
However, some felt it was fair enough for the childless couple to choose – as long as they could agree on the issue.
Pumpkin Pies 38 said: “I had a child free wedding, it's your choice. I'd do it all again exactly the same. It was just more of an adult party really.
“Everyone's different I think the issue isn't if child free weddings are ok - of course they are - the issue is you and your DF (dear fiancé) coming to an agreement about what kind of wedding you have.”