Sex clubs, S&M, roadside romps… shocking book reveals the secret sex lives of Britain’s women
When you ask ordinary women about their sex lives you get some very extraordinary replies... from stranger-sex to medieval manacles and being an ethical sl*t
WHEN you ask ordinary women about their sex lives you get some very extraordinary replies.
Author WENDY JONES interviewed 24 women on the subject for her new book The Sex Lives Of English Women – and they had more than enough stories to fill it.
The tales include a pensioner’s fond memories of sex with strangers as a Land Girl during World War Two.
Then there were the pub workers who installed medieval-style manacles in their bedroom, and the youngster who relies entirely on apps for love.
Here, Wendy reveals some of the stories she found.
"I’m trying to find right app for sex"
Lola, 23, Essex
SHOP assistant Lola has never had a proper boyfriend, but she has enjoyed a handful of sexual liaisons with men she met via social media. She says:
"I’ve had sexual intimacy with a guy, but never a boyfriend. My first, when I was 15, was a boy I met on BlackBerry Messenger called Alan or something. I liked him. He was 17, and I lied about my age.
I went to his house and it was the first time I’d had a kiss from a guy. A week later, I went to his house and he showed me his penis.
I thought we were going to have sex, and he said, ‘Oh, you’re a virgin, so I’m not going to do anything. But practise on yourself.’
I went to his house and it was the first time I’d had a kiss from a guy. A week later, I went to his house and he showed me his penis
So I practised, but I didn’t meet him again. Then, still 15, I met Marvin, also on BlackBerry Messenger. I went to his house and lost my virginity.
The sex hurt at first, but it was really good. I’ve had intercourse twice since, but nothing quite like that.
I’ve been trying to find the best phone app for casual sex. I tried Blendr, and I’ve had like 50 messages – the thing is, the guys on there are not good-looking...
My sexual fantasy is to dress up. Last year at Christmas I wanted to dress up in a Santa suit. You know you get the little red suit and a boob tube?
I don’t want to do it with a random guy any more. I want a proper relationship where I can do it, because that is when I’ll get the most out of it."
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"He’d wear lady’s underwear and I’d chain him to bed"
- Jackie, 47, Eastbourne
MUM-OF-ONE Jackie says she “exploded” sexually after splitting with the father of her child. When she got together with fellow pub-worker Gary she also got into S&M – until the divorced cross-dresser introduced takeaways into their fetish-related fun and she called it quits. Here she looks back at how it all began while they lived together above a pub – and how it finally went wrong because of a curry:
"We had sex sometimes, but we weren’t a couple because I didn’t want to be a couple with anyone because I wanted to have sex with lots of people. One day Gary asked me to look under the bed and I opened the suitcase and there were all these handcuffs and women’s stockings.
He – bless him – was like: “My wife didn’t understand about this kind of stuff.”
I was up for trying it out because it interested me to explore the sorts of avenues that I wouldn’t normally go down.
At the beginning Gary would wear women’s underwear in bed.
I would chain him to the bed and leave him there and let people from the pub come upstairs to the flat – but not quite make it to the bedroom
Then as time went on – bearing in mind we were doing quite a lot of drugs which makes it easier to explore your sexuality without caring – he would wear stockings under his clothes during the day.
I would chain him to the bed and leave him there and let people from the pub come upstairs to the flat – but not quite make it to the bedroom.
Then we got this other pub and it had this huge bedroom and we put manacles on the wall.
It was like scaffolding with massive chains from building sites hanging from the ceiling, not your fluffy handcuff things.
He would wear women’s underwear and I would chain him to the bed then go down into the pub on a Saturday night and I’d pick up a customer.
Then I came up from the bar one night and he was dressed as a woman and wanted to have a curry.
That wasn’t my fantasy. That was just weird. I was like: “That’s just weird, Gary.” and he was like: “OK.” I said: “You have to do that with someone else. I don’t want to eat curry with you in a skirt. It looks like it’s from C&A.”
"Men like female bits . . . boobs, bum and hips"
- Ariel, 35, Reading
ARIEL, a size 26 beauty pageant contestant who weighs more than 20st, insists her shape does not affect how much sex she has. She says:
"There is no shortage of men who find bigger women attractive. I go to this club night in London called For Big Girls.
It’s a plus-size acceptance night for girls and guys who are bigger and girls and guys who like bigger.
Some men like big women, definitely.
You have got men who fantasise about having sex with fat women, or they have this desire to make women fatter – men who like to feed women to make them fatter. That’s more of a fetish.
I think a lot of men like curvy women because they want them to have bits on them that are female.
Boobs and bum and hips.
Maybe I can’t get into a certain position because I can’t get my legs over my head as my tummy’s in the way – things like that
My weight doesn’t affect how I have sex.
I go on top. Men like that, it’s a power thing.
Position-wise, I might have to move in slightly different ways.
Maybe I can’t get into a certain position because I can’t get my legs over my head as my tummy’s in the way – things like that.
I have also entered a beauty competition for plus-size women.
For the swimwear round, I’ve covered a bra and knickers in bright green Lycra and sparkly purple netting to make a Little Mermaid outfit.
The plus-size pageant is size 18 or over. I don’t know if I’m in with a chance."
"It took me ten years of marriage to have orgasm"
- Charlotte, 43, Manchester
CHARLOTTE is a nurse and enjoys role-playing with her husband David. She says:
"It took me – this is a bit embarrassing – ten years of being married to work out how to have a really great orgasm. That was because no one had told me.
After two or three years of marriage I thought: “There must be more than this.” I asked some girlfriends: “How do you know if you’re having an orgasm?”
They said: “Oh, something happens in your head – it’s a mind thing.” I was like: “Ok, I think that happens, so that’s fine, I’ve had one of those.”
Then several years later I was like: “Err, this cannot be right.”
You need to pleasure yourself, you’ve got to know yourself
I asked some other girlfriends and they were horrified! They said: “No, it’s physical”. A good friend who is a doctor said: “You’ve got to work on it until you’ve had an orgasm and you’ll certainly know when it happens.
“You need to pleasure yourself, you’ve got to know yourself.” So I started doing that.
And I said to David: “We’ve got to work it out.”
I learned how to give myself an orgasm and then he joined in working it out and it’s great now.
Now David and I pretend – we have role-play and do all sorts of things. We’re quite creative.
These days the kids don’t go to bed early so it’s really difficult!
So we meet for lunch on a Friday – well, we meet as employer and employee, have lunch then have an afternoon session."
"I was an absolute trollop when I was a Land Girl"
- Mary, 94, Norfolk
WIDOWED Mary had her sexual awakening during World War Two with visiting Canadian and American soldiers. The mother of two, who after her youthful adventures was married to husband Wallace for 39 years, said:
"My life started as a second daughter of a middle-class family with a very conventional, proper upbringing. No sex education – no one formally taught me.
Once I got away from home I became a lot less proper. My opportunity to get away was when war broke out. As I’d always been a rather outdoor person, I chose to enrol in the Land Army and I was a timber measurer.
I was an absolute trollop when I was a Land Girl. No, I wasn’t sleeping the night with them – it was more roadside sex. I can’t remember with whom now. Just one-off, out of the pub.
I’d possibly meet them in the pub, then have sex at the side of the road. I didn’t know them
I’d possibly meet them in the pub, then have sex at the side of the road. I didn’t know them. I was up for it. Didn’t bother with contraceptive, didn’t get pregnant.
I was dead lucky. I suppose I took appalling risks really.
The only one I remember particularly was on the side of the main road actually, and I realised to my horror afterwards that he’d stolen my knickers and they’d got my name tag in them because they were from boarding school.
I straightforwardly enjoyed it. It didn’t bother me really that I wasn’t married to them. I just had sex.
I look back now and think: “Oh, that was fun!”"
"Three-way relationship was heaven on earth"
- May, 27, Liverpool
MAY describes herself as an “ethical sl*t” and has had a polyamorous relationship with a man and a woman. She says:
"Polyamory is acknowledging I can be in love with many different people at one time. And yes, I might be having sex with them as well, but it is about love.
I had a three-way relationship where I was in love with the female and the male and all three of us were equal. It was amazing. It was idyllic.
I had a sexual relationship with her as well as him. We all had sex together.
It was like heaven on earth. I mean it, I really mean it. It was so conscious.
I had a three-way relationship where I was in love with the female and the male and all three of us were equal. It was amazing. It was idyllic
We have done it lots. We’ve had other lovers and been separate and then come back at different times, spontaneous. We’re lovers on and off, here and there.
“Ethical sl*t” is a brilliant, brilliant phrase.
That’s what I want to be – what has allegedly been a sl*t and not having to cross my legs, but ethical so it’s not: “I’m just gonna shag whoever and it doesn’t matter.”
There’s a great night I have been to in London with at least a hundred people.
It used to be called The Sex Maniacs Ball and is now called The Night Of The Senses.
It is a sex club encouraging able-bodied to mix with disabled-bodied people, especially around sexuality, and I love that concept."