Are thoughts of great sex with your ex ruining your relationship? Here are five tips to turn up the heat with your new lover
Here's how to spice up your new relationship
OUR sex and relationship columnist Dr Pam Spurr regularly brings you must-know info for the bedroom and beyond. Follow Dr Pam on Twitter .
Unfortunately many people can’t help but sigh deeply when they look at a new partner.
Inwardly you wish they put the sizzle between the sheets the way your ex did.
Yes, maybe the ex that broke your heart or who wasn’t right for you, but they gave you epic sex and you can’t get them out of your head.
A recent survey found that two thirds of people admit that the best sex they ever had was in a past relationship.
It’s hard to forget about the ex who brought you to your knees with passion… maybe even to your knees in a sex position or two.
Such knee-trembling memories can leave you freaking out about the sex you’re having now.
Try these five tips to turn up the heat with your new lover…
1) Dump the baggage
Baggage comes in many forms including fantasising about the good old days in bed with your ex.
It’s crucial for your new relationship to put this in perspective.
Focus on how they weren’t right for you. Remind yourself of what broke you two up.
Force yourself to remember the bad stuff, not how good they were in bed.
2) Focus on the positives
A dark cloud might be unfairly forming over your new relationship.
Your new partner might be great - funny, caring plus your best friend likes them – bonus!
Sadly, if they don’t match up to a previous lover it can leave you less than enthusiastic about sex.
Just as you’re now focusing on what went wrong with your ex, keep your mind on everything that’s right with your new partner and keep their three best attributes firmly in mind.
3) Make a fresh start
So your new lover hasn’t wooed you into bed with new tricks like your ex. But who says things can’t get hotter?
Start with the technique they do well. Maybe they’re a lovely kisser - encourage them to give you more.
And to kiss you everywhere… down your body, between your legs, putting they’re good technique to work.
Encouraging more of what they do well helps you make a fresh start with your new sex life.
4) Discover their secret desires
Get flirty and suggest you take turns revealing your secret desires.
Maybe they’ve been shy with you and you discover they want to spice things up. Like taking you into a steamy shower and having lusty sex while the water lashes down on you.
5) Teach them
Nothing wrong with becoming bossy in bed to get what you want.
Simply do it in a flirty way. When next cuddling-up say you’ve always fancied being dominating.
Ask if you can take charge of what happens next.
Use this opportunity to get your evil way. Pretend you’re a very bossy company manager.
Keep it frisky while you ‘command’ them to do things you like.
Dr Pam’s Position: Kneeling Doggy Position
She kneels on the floor (cushions under her knees if it’s a hard floor) facing the bed while he kneels behind her.
She arches her hips backwards so he can enter her gently.
She can hold on to the edge of the bed to steady herself as he thrusts.
For sex-tra fun he reaches around with one hand, while he keeps holding her hips with his other, to caress her breasts.
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