I had sex with my mother-in-law … and she’s made it clear she wants to do it again

Dear Deidre

I HAD sex with my mother-in-law on her silver wedding anniversary.

It was amazing and she’s made it clear she wants to do it again.

I’m 26 and happily married to an amazing woman.

She’s 24 and I’m proud she’s my wife but lately her mother’s been showing an interest in me and that’s made me look at her in a new way.

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She’s 46 and a good-looking woman.

Her husband’s much older than her and I got the feeling she wasn’t too happy at home.

I started to think about her all the time, even when I was having sex with my wife.

Things came to a head on the night of their silver wedding do.

It was held at a local hotel and was all in full swing when my mother-in-law came up to me and asked if I would drive her back home as her new shoes were hurting so much that she needed to change.

My father-in-law was already well away but I hadn’t drunk much at that stage so I said yes.

I looked for my wife, who was laughing and joking with some other man.

I told her that I’d just be gone for half an hour but she wasn’t listening to me.

Back at her place my mother-in-law put her hand on my crotch.

I could see she was drunk and I just moved away.

She laughed and said that she’d wanted to do that for years.

She pulled me towards her and kissed me.

I felt so turned on that I didn’t fight back.

We had hot and urgent sex and then we went back to the party.

No one suspected a thing.

I don’t know how I should handle this now.

I love my wife but all I can think of is sex with her mum.

I’m worried as well that she may have got pregnant that night as I didn’t think about protection.

Should I confess to my wife or keep quiet and keep seeing her mum?

I really feel I love her now.

DEIDRE SAYS:  Do neither.

The best thing to do is keep quiet and make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Ask yourself honestly where it would lead.

It’s extremely unlikely she got pregnant that night but it’s not impossible.

What she would do about that is, of course, totally out of your hands.

If you got unlucky you can’t change it now but is she likely to go ahead with a pregnancy that would rip her life and the family apart?

If she comes on to you in the future, tell her firmly what happened that night was a one-off and one you regret.

How is your marriage?

Is your wife quite as loving as you’d like her to be?

Was it just on the night of the party that she was offhand?

If there are problems between you, please don’t let things slide.

Ask if there’s anything bothering her, if there’s something that needs to be looked at and changed.

My e-leaflet How To Look After Your Relationship can help you make it the best it can be.

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My husband doesn't want sex anymore

Dear Deidre

MY husband is loving and kind but he doesn’t want sex any more and I’m thinking of looking for somebody else.

We’ve been together for 15 years.

I’m 38 and he’s 64.

People warned me that the age gap was huge but they’ve been proved wrong.

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The only problem is sex.

Our love life hasn’t been good for some time and for the past year it’s been non-existent.

We have sex once in a blue moon and it seems like he just isn’t interested in it any more.

I love him so much but I do need to have sex in my life.

DEIDRE SAYS: Age itself doesn’t end a sex drive though it may get more creaky, so suggest he sees his GP in case there’s a health problem.

If not, he may need reassurance rather than feel you’re disappointed.

You can give one another physical pleasure without intercourse.

You should both read my e-leaflet Worried You’re Past It, Guys?

Fondled by pervy bully in office

Dear Deidre

A MAN at work kissed me and peered down my top.

He got my address from my files and says he’s going to come round for sex.

I’m scared.

It’s my first job since my kids were born.

I’m 29 and he is in his thirties.

He came in to start my computer on my first day.

He seemed friendly but then put his arm round me and kissed me.

I said: “Stop it! I’m happily married!”

He just laughed.

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The next day I blanked him.

He asked if he’d done something wrong and I lied and said no.

He said: “Good!” then kissed me and looked down my top.

He said I made him feel hard.

I pushed him away but I feel it’s my fault.

I don’t want to go into work any more.

I’m scared he’ll come round when my husband’s away.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re right to be scared.

This man is abusive, potentially dangerous and a bully.

Complain to your line manager and say you will report him to the police unless they take action.

He needs to know it’s not OK.

You can get workplace support from Acas (acas. org.uk, 0300 123 1100).

Getting back to work is hard but my e-leaflet Standing Up For Yourself will help.

I'm worried that drinking is spoiling my life... I'm divorced and know it was my drinking that ruined my marriage

Dear Deidre

I’M worried that drinking is spoiling my life.

Sometimes it feels that I’ve got it under control but deep down I know I’m kidding myself.

I started to drink alcohol when I was 15.

My dad and my brothers all drank far too much and, as soon as I started, I also drank to excess.

I’m now a man of 35.

I’m divorced and know it was my drinking that ruined my marriage.

I love to drink but have to admit that booze isn’t my friend.

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I haven’t been knocking back so much of late but as soon as I hit on a problem or have a bad day at work I hit the bottle again.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s taken some courage to write in to me and I’m glad you did.

You’ve made the first step towards taking control.

Learning to live without drink will be hard but remember that many have done it.

To keep you on track, try Jason Vale’s guide Kick The Drink Easily (Crown House, £10.99)

I fall too fast and frighten guys off

Dear Deidre

LAST night I had drinks with a guy I’d met online.

He seemed really nice and we’re planning to meet again but I’m worried I’ll spoil it by moving too fast – like always.

I’m a gay guy of 25.

I’ve had a few dates but I’ve never had a long-term relationship.

That guy I met up with is 25 too.

He’s cute but we’ve had just one date.

I don’t know him at all but I’m already dreaming of living with him and him being my forever-love.

It happens every time.

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Whenever I meet someone new I fall head-over-heels.

I become like a hopeless romantic and I’m constantly checking my phone.

Why do I do this?

Is it because I am lonely?

I know it puts off possible partners.
DEIDRE SAYS: Being lonely can make you feel desperate for love and companionship but that can often backfire.

Broaden your social life so that you have more interests and friends – inside and outside the gay community.

Then you will feel more secure in yourself and be able to take things one step at a time.

My e-leaflet Gay Resources details sources of support.

There’s no need to be on your own.

BECOME A FORCES PENPAL: My service has helped cheer up our lads for years - especially those serving overseas. Find out how to join in here.

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