A model reveals how she overcame her eating disorder hell after hitting rock bottom
Megan Crabbe became obsessed with her size as just 10 years old and her fixation on losing weight almost cost her life
MEGAN Crabbe, 23, is a carer and lives in Colchester with her boyfriend Ben, 25, a chef. She says:
"Growing up, I was happy and outgoing – until I turned 10 and became obsessed with poring over pictures of models.
It seemed being thin was the only way to be beautiful.
Comparing my slight 7st frame to that of my friends, I began dieting competitively.
I lost half a stone before my mum Amanda, now 57, intervened.
But at 12, my old body insecurities crept back in and I started only eating cereal.
When she realised, Mum insisted I eat three proper meals.
In 2007, two years and many fad diets later, I stepped on to the scales.
The arrow pointed at 8st 9lb.
I was 14 and, in my warped mind, disgustingly big for my 5ft 6in height.
I crash-dieted, eating just a handful of fruit a day, and within three months I’d lost 2st.
Worried, Mum and my dad Biff, 60, took me to see a doctor, who diagnosed me with anorexia, and I was referred for weekly appointments with a psychologist.
However, I continued to lose weight and reached a horrifying 4st 6lb in 2008, aged 15.
Over six months, my periods stopped, my hair fell out and I felt cold all the time.
I ate next to nothing, and was battling an exercise addiction.
One day that summer I decided to run laps of my house, not knowing Dad was there.
He caught me and took me to the child psychiatric unit at Colchester General Hospital.
On arriving, I thought: ‘I’m fat, I don’t belong here.’ I was in denial.
For the rest of the year, I was in and out of hospital, and by October I was re-admitted, put on bed rest and tube-fed.
Doctors told my parents to say goodbye, as they didn’t know if my organs would cope.
Unbelievably, I still insisted I was fine.
I put on a little weight, but in January 2009 just before I turned 16, Dad looked at me and burst into tears.
I knew I had to change for my family.
After that I gorged on food and stopped exercising.
Within a few months, I’d gained 2st and as I looked more healthy my therapy came to an end.
By December that year, I weighed 13st.
I’d swapped anorexia for binge eating, but as I wasn’t underweight everyone thought I was fine.
I spent my late teens yo-yo dieting.
But when I was 18 I met my boyfriend Ben, and he has supported me throughout my weight struggles.
At 21, I came across the #bodypositive hashtag on Instagram.
Clicking on it, I saw women of all sizes in bikinis and loving their bodies. It blew me away.
I started an Instagram account – @bodyposipanda – and posted my first quote: ‘You’re allowed to love yourself now, not when you lose 10 pounds.’
I soon stopped worrying about what I ate, and instead put my energy into promoting a healthy body image.
After a few months, I posted pictures of myself in my gym kit.
One troll said: ‘You looked better when you had an eating disorder.’
It stung, but I blocked them.
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Now I’ve got over 250,000 followers, and in May I was asked to model for Curvy Kate.
As I strolled around the set in my undies, I felt empowered.
I’ve no idea what I weigh now, but I’m a size 14 – when I found the body positivity movement I threw my scales away.
I no longer do fad diets or associate food with guilt or shame, which is so liberating.
BTW
- More than 25,000 people in the UK are affected by an eating disorder
- Around 46% of anorexia patients fully recover
- Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder
Thanks to Scantilly by . For advice on eating disorders visit