Fuming customer launches scathing attack on the person who made his burrito… and royally botched it
The wrap was assembled from one end to the other... instead of in layers
A DISGRUNTLED diner’s foul-mouthed rant against the man who made his burrito has gone viral.
The open letter, addressed to ‘the guy who just made me my burrito’, was shared on Imgur by user Lizzle McBizzle.
And it has since been viewed by more than a quarter of a million people.
He wrote: “On Earth, we use the word ‘burrito’ to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat.
“In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you.
“Let me explain: you’re an idiot. Burritos are eaten from one end to the other.
“So that means when you assemble a burrito with any mother***ing ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user.
“When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers LENGTH-WISE.
“That way, there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a god***ed cilantro cavern.
“Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all f***ing day? You should try one.
“They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE F***ING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
“When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise.
“Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a f***ing pelican.
“But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY F***ING WAY to take a bite of your c***-strosity and have it taste like a burrito.
“And guess what else, player? Humans also don’t eat burritos like f***ing corn on the cob.
“Like a f***ing type-writer from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that.
“Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope.
“My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO YOU AND ME FOR A FEW MINUTES UNTIL I CAN F***ING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY.
“OH HEY, I WAS WRONG, I’M IN THE F***ING CHEESEOPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER F***ING SALSA POCKET.
“In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burrito-bomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.”
He later added: “UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID ‘JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK’:
“A f***ing fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE F***ING COBBURITO SALAD.
“If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
“That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a f***ing wrench with the keys.
“Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called f***ing HANDS.
“A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was since, but I’m f***ing sobbing now.
“People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us.”
Reacting to the hilarious rant, one commenter wrote: "I honestly don't think this was an over reaction at all."
Another added: "This is a style of comedy writing I could use more of."