I’m acting crazy after my ex left me – I can’t keep living like this but how can I move on?

Dear Deidre

I HAD wild, drunken sex with one of my mate’s exes at the weekend.

What was I thinking?

She’s known as “easy” but I went into total meltdown when my girlfriend finished with me and now I can’t stop acting crazy.

I bumped into this girl in a new club which recently opened in town.

She was with a bunch of friends but we met up at the bar.

She looked really hot and I knew she would be my next conquest.

I am 24 and she is 22.

We flirted all night and she didn’t hesitate when I suggested we go somewhere quieter.

We went back to mine and had amazing sex, even though we were both pretty drunk.

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She left soon after and I know I won’t be after a repeat performance.

No one replaces my girlfriend for me.

I was with her for more than a year and everything seemed so fantastic.

She is 21.

Then her dad died and everything changed.

She became all distant and weird with me but we carried on going out and were even looking for a flat so we could move in together.

I thought it would all be OK but she broke up with me, claiming she was working too hard and didn’t have time in her life for me any more.

The worst thing is that she did it by text.

I just want the opportunity to talk.

I’ve tried to speak to her but she refuses to have any contact with me.

As well as all the sleeping around since, I’ve been drinking and gambling and doing drugs too.

I can’t get a grip on my life any more.

There have been odd times when I seem to snap out of it and start back at the gym, but something always seems to set me off again.

My mates keep telling me it will take time.

I know I can’t keep living like this, but how can I move on?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Lots of us go off the rails after a relationship ends but, as you’ve found, drinking and one-night stands won’t make you feel better.

You get a buzz for a night but it’s short-lived and you realise how little it means.

You need to break this cycle.

Of course it was hard that your ex dumped you by text.

You had been together for more than a year so the decent thing would have been to talk to you face-to-face.

Send her a text giving the number for Cruse for bereavement support (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677).

It sounds like she could do with it, and it might open a dialogue between you.

Give it a month and if she’s still distant, put her out of your mind and refocus your social life on activities and interests, not pubs and alcohol.

Wait to form a proper relationship before getting physical next time.

My e-leaflet Mend Your Broken Heart will help you heal.

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the  Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Sadness over my abortion decision

Dear Deidre

MY boyfriend completely changed his mind about us having a baby when his mate told him how expensive it was to raise a child.

This friend also told my boyfriend he shouldn’t have got me pregnant as we’d only been together three months.

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We were happy and I thought my boyfriend was The One, but he pressured me into having a termination.

I am against abortion, but felt I didn’t have any choice as I did not have much support, even from my mum.

I regret it to this day.

I am 23 and my boyfriend is 32.

We barely talk about it now but if we do, I always get upset.

My boyfriend still thinks the decision was right.

DEIDRE SAYS: Ending a pregnancy can feel very different to a man but it’s true, it was very early in your relationship to have a baby.

It puts pressure on couples.

This is too serious an issue to ignore.

Tell your boyfriend you’re still hurting and you need to understand one another’s feelings better if your relationship is to survive.

My e-leaflet Termination You Regret? can help you decide whether you can move on.

My wife sent sexy texts to other men for six months

Dear Deidre

I’M trying to forget about the sexy texts my wife sent to other men but their content is etched into my memory.

I worked away for six months and, on my return, I found what she was up to.

She admitted it but insisted she didn’t have sex.

She thinks everything is OK now that she has apologised and promised it won’t happen again.

I’m 42 and she’s 41.

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We have been together for 25 years.

I can’t believe she would hurt me like this.

It’s so hard now to trust her.

She doesn’t want a divorce but I’m seriously considering it.

DEIDRE SAYS: Of course you feel hurt.

Trust takes time to rebuild but it can be done and must be worth a try after all your years together.

Talk lots and hug lots.

Does she know herself why she texted these guys?

Was she lonely?

Is it something you can put right?

Give her a second chance – but she must understand that it’s her last.

I seem to have gone off sex altogether this year

Dear Deidre

I CAN be ready and up for sex until my boyfriend starts touching me intimately.

It’s not what he does that puts me off – I start thinking about something random and it completely kills the mood.

I am 25 and he is 26.

We have been together for three years.

It even happens when I set up a romantic night.

It’s all in my head but I just seem to have gone off sex altogether this past year.

I love him but there’s no point him waiting around if I can’t offer a healthy sex life.

DEIDRE SAYS: We all find ourselves thinking of the washing occasionally but how is your relationship apart from the sex?

Have you a lot of other pressures in life?

Or is it that your boyfriend needs to learn more about what makes sex great for women?

Allow some relaxing time to get into focusing on your physical senses.

My e-leaflet Creating A Sexy Mood will help you both.

Gay son haunted by rape as child

Dear Deidre

MY son was raped by a family friend when he was ten.

It only came to light five years later when he finally told me what had happened.

The person responsible was charged and is in prison.

My son is 23 now.

He has recently come out as gay.

His dad and I were almost certain he was before he told us – it makes no difference to us – but he doesn’t feel comfortable with being gay.

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He has suffered with depression throughout his teenage years and I think this struggle with his sexuality has been a contributing factor.

He used to self-harm but hasn’t for some time now.

I think it would really help him to talk to other gay people in a similar position who will understand.

DEIDRE SAYS: Being raped as a child has linked sex with terrible suffering for him which will be making it harder for him to feel happy about his sexuality.

Suggest he contacts Survivors UK who support male victims of all forms of sexual abuse (survivorsuk.org).

My e-leaflet called Gay Resources will help your son meet and talk to lots of gay people who will understand how he feels.

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