Married woman who’s lived without sex since 2008 tells of heartbreak at ‘romantic’ husband who physically can’t make love to her – even though he wants to
TO the outside world Dawn White-Prince has enjoyed a 13 year picture-perfect marriage to her husband, Philip.
Yet behind the bedroom door - it's another story.
For the last eight years of their marriage Dawn can count on one hand the number of times they have made love.
Despite once having an “amazing sex life”, now Philip is unable to make love to her – and the couple, who live in Plymouth, have no idea why.
Dawn said: “A lot of people assume that it’s women who try to avoid sleeping with their husbands and, of course, who doesn’t crack a smile at the old ‘not tonight, dear’ cliché.
“But if you were in my situation, you wouldn’t be laughing.
“I’ve been sympathetic and we’re doing the best to make our marriage work, but I can’t deny that it hasn’t been easy living without sex since 2008.”
Novelist Dawn, 49, met marine scientist Philip, 43, when they were in their twenties.
She told how they were both ordinary twenty-somethings and enjoyed numerous sexual partners in their youth.
It wasn’t until 2000 that they realised they wanted to be more than just good friends.
Dawn recalled: “He was clever, funny and extremely thoughtful.
“Once we became a couple, life was just fantastic because not only were we great mates - we had an amazing sex life too.
“Before long we realised we were meant to be together and got married in 2003.”
Sadly in 2006 an unplanned pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.
It was then that the couple decided they didn’t want children and Philip underwent a vasectomy.
They both began to concentrate on their careers.
Dawn admitted: “Life was stressful. I was a self-employed consultant and Philip worked in data mining, and soon 70-hour weeks became the norm.
“Then in 2008 the recession hit. Philip was made redundant and we lost all our pensions and savings too.
“We were so stressed out about our financial future that sex took a back-seat.
“Don’t get me wrong, we were still affectionate, but we were more concerned about losing our house than romance.”
In 2010 the couple were relieved to discover they wouldn’t lose their home.
Philip went back to university to study for a Masters degree.
Dawn recalled: “As life returned to normal, I assumed our sex life would follow suit.
“But it didn’t.
“My sex drive returned, Philip’s didn’t.
“I tried all of my usual seduction tactics but Philip just wasn’t able to sustain an erection and had zero interest in sex.
“Thankfully, we’ve always been able to talk about anything and everything, so we had long discussions over it. Not that there was a lot to say.
“He assured me he felt the same way he always had about me, and that he wanted to have sex with me.
“He just physically couldn’t.”
The irony was that the rest of their marriage was textbook perfect.
There was no one else involved either.
“Philip has always been romantic,” explained Dawn.
“He buys me flowers every week and is always bringing back gifts from the shops.”
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By now Philip had finished his Masters degree and had a new job as a marine scientist studying wave patterns, which took him away from home.
It wasn’t unusual for Philip to work offshore for a month at a time, doing 16-hour shifts.
Dawn said: “Each time he returned, I always hoped we’d fall into each other’s arms.
“But in reality, Philip was exhausted and we needed time to reacquaint ourselves with each other after being apart.”
By now it was 2012. The couple decided to do the sensible thing and check Philip didn’t have anything physically wrong with him.
“Our appointment with our GP was a joke,” explained Dawn. “We wanted to rule out any underlying medical problems – which he did.
“No problems with his prostate or cancer - which was a big relief.
“But while he gave Philip a medical clean bill of health, he laughed us out of his practice.
“He refused to take the problem seriously.”
Yet both Dawn and Philip were undeterred.
Even though they had only had sex a handful of times in the last four years, they wanted to get back to how things were before.
The couple would typically have sex a couple of times a week, so they saw another doctor for a second opinion.
Dawn said: “This one took us more seriously.
“He did tests to see if Philip’s testosterone hormone levels were within the normal range and they came back fine.
“But this just made everything worse. What were we supposed to do next?
“If you look on the internet there are loads of dodgy salesmen selling everything and anything.
“You could throw thousands of pounds at the problem and still be no better off.”
Throughout the last eight years the couple have continued to enjoy a relationship like most couples – albeit a sexless one.
Dawn explained: “We’ve been intimate in other ways. We run baths for one another and have romantic nights in with nice food and a bottle of wine.
"But I want our sex life back. It’s an important part of every relationship and not one we’re willing to give up on.
“Through it all, I’ve never once considered leaving Philip.
“I still love him, he’s my best friend and nothing will change that.
“Together, we’re still looking for an answer and are seeing an urologist to see if Philip’s vasectomy could be a factor.
“But for now, all we can do is be open and honest with each other and hope one day we'll have a great sex life again.”
Philip said: “I wish this was something I could joke about but I can’t.
“I’m amazed by the doctors I’ve seen who simply laugh it off.
“Having sought advice from two different medical practitioners I feel as though I’ve been left to deal with it on my own.
“While they’ve thankfully ruled out prostate cancer, a testosterone imbalance and psychological problems they’ve not offered me any other solutions.
“Dawn has found a urologist who specialises in men’s sexual problems. Even though we’ll have to pay for private treatment – it’s worth it.
“I love my wife and I want to get this sorted. Today I’m left with the feeling that the medical industry is geared up to helping women with the menopause and fertility issues.
"Yet when it comes to helping men – we’re on our own.”