Woman wants to tell her husband his parents can’t come for Christmas… and Mumsnet users can’t decide if she’s being fair or not
The mum's in-laws were planning to 'surprise' them this festive season... by turning up at her parents' house unannounced
AS we all know, Christmas is not always a day for joy and celebration – it can be a cause of family politics, arguments, stress and misery.
One woman has taken to Mumsnet to ask how she can tactfully tell her in-laws she doesn’t want to spend the festive season with them, even though they are already planning to come.
Apparently, the tricky gran is not in touch with any of her other kids – because of a difficult upbringing.
Now mum Nativity Lobster is spending the big day with her own parents, and her in-laws have decided to invite themselves.
She explained: “My mother-in-law (MIL) is just getting worse and worse.
“Her health is failing and I understand it’s hard for her, but she makes our lives difficult and now she’s set to ruin Christmas as my son will be 3 and it’s the first one he is going to really understand and be excited about.
“I can’t stand her at the moment. Recently she told us she couldn’t come to visit at Christmas because she couldn’t have her medical treatment at the hospital near to us.
“I was secretly happy as I don’t want to see her. The other day she let it slip that she made that up so she could come and surprise us.
“They expected to stay at my parents’ without asking or arranging it first. My parents are civil to her but they don’t like her.
“Her behaviour is affected mine and my husband’s relationship as he can’t see how toxic she is and sticks up for her and gets cross with me when I moan about her.
“I really don’t want to spend Christmas with her. I think she will ruin what should be a really magical Christmas.
“I want to tell my husband I don’t want her here but I feel like a heartless b*** especially as she may only have a few years left.
“I don’t have a problem with my father-in-law but he does enable her crazy behaviour.”
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Many of Nativity Lobster’s fellow mums sympathised, and agreed her in-laws were out of line.
Imperial Blether said: “She needs to be told that she can't stay at your parents' house - cheeky thing expecting to stay!
“As for you two - you owe her nothing. Absolutely nothing. I wouldn't have her for Christmas even if she was stuffed and shoved in an oven.”
Million to One Chances added: “They have absolutely no right to just assume they can come to your parents' with you. Nip it in the bud.”
However, Death Stare suggested: “They would be your parents’ guests and therefore it is up to them – not either you or your husband – to decide whether they want them there and decide how to handle it if they don’t.”
But others felt the mum was being stubborn, and should be more willing to compromise – at least for Boxing Day.
Back for Good wrote: “Obviously they can’t stay at your parents’ – that’s just odd to expect that.
“But I think your husband has every right to expect you to alternate between both your families each year, as most of us have to.
“I suspect most people feel more comfortable with their own parents than their in-laws, but your husband has the right to spend time with his family just as you do.”
And Heron 98 said: “I’d just put up with it, it’s just one day.”
While Here I Am 20 said: “Would an acceptable compromise be for her to stay at a hotel nearby but join you for lunch?
“Try not to win the battle, but think about what alternatives would meant to each party.”