As more mums are taking later maternity leave, we ask three mums what age their children need them the most
As the first Asian female CEO of a FTSE 250 firm quits her job to spend time with her kids, our writers debate the best time for 'maternity leave'
MATERNITY leave is always a hot topic for new parents – and the big question now is not how long to take off work but WHEN to take it.
This week Baroness Ruby McGregor-Smith, the first Asian female to become chief executive of a FTSE 250 company, revealed her plans to step down from the high-profile role to spend more time with her children.
Ruby, 53, said she was quitting her £2.5million-a-year job at security and cleaning staff supplier Mitie after her kids told her: “We want our mum back.”
Her resignation has reignited the debate over mums trying to balance work and home life.
She said: “We talked to the children about me leaving the job last year.
“Both said they want more time with me.
“Being a mum of two young people was always something I had to juggle with work. It’s been really tough. I’ve got a very family-driven culture because of my parents. My children are everything.”
She is not the only mother in the spotlight who has chosen to take a career break.
Actress Tamzin Outhwaite, 45, telly presenter Claudia Winkleman, 44, and Dragons’ Den star Sarah Willingham, 42, have all turned down work for later-life maternity leave.
It raises the question: At what age do youngsters most need their parents to be around? It’s a question most parents have wrestled with.
Here, myself and two other writers and mums have our say on when is best to take time out from work.
And we hear whether our children agree . . .
From birth
KATE MORRIS, 51, lives in Shepherd’s Bush, West London, with husband Luke, 54, daughter Belle, 12, and 15-year-old son Jude. She says:
I remember bringing Jude home from hospital and bursting into tears. I was overwhelmed by how much this tiny, vulnerable baby needed me for everything.
From breast-feeding and nappies, to making sure he wasn’t too hot or too cold, hungry, thirsty or in pain. Jude’s life depended on me.
As the months passed, he needed us even more to make sure he was safe, loved and stimulated.
When he was weaned I remember the joy of handing him a carrot stick he could eat by himself. The relief of that independence was a big step.
As he began to stand, crawl and eventually walk, I had to watch to make sure he didn’t topple over.
When Belle was born it was a little easier as I wasn’t so overwhelmed but she always wanted to be held.
Caring for children when they are babies is so physical. It’s definitely the time they needed me most.
Belle says: “I needed Mum most when I was going to secondary school. It was a big change and I was changing. Everything was new.”
Jude says: “I needed Mum most at 11. I couldn’t sort out what I was feeling and knew nothing about friendships and the new things I had to deal with. Mum listened to me and offered advice.”
During primary school
CLAIRE DUNWELL, 38, of Wakefield, West Yorks, believes her children needed her most at the age of five.
Claire and her husband Ian, 52, have sons Sam, nine, and Louie, six. She says:
Right from being a toddler, Sam suffered with separation anxiety. He cried whenever I left him with anyone, so when he turned five and struggled to settle into full-time school, it didn’t come as a surprise.
Teaching him how to cope when I wasn’t around and reassuring him I’d always be back was tough.
For weeks, he clung to me when I dropped him off and he’d cry with relief when I picked him up.
I tried everything to make him feel better, inviting his friends to play at weekends to help him feel less anxious about going back to school.
When it was Louie’s turn to start school, I was worried he would react the same so I was on edge. Although he got into the routine far quicker than Sam, Louie was sometimes tearful.
It was during Louie’s first year at school I started thinking about leaving my permanent job.
Both children were growing up quickly and I wanted to make the most of my time with them.
Now I help run our fish and chip shop and still have time to write when the boys are at school, plus I’m there to pick them up each night.
When I left work Sam and Louie said how much they loved having me around more.
That’s when I knew I’d definitely made the right decision.
Sam says: “I still remember how upset I was when Mum dropped me off at school but I didn’t want her to leave.
I’d been used to her being around all the time but she taught me how to make new friends and enjoy school.”
Louie says: “I can do things by myself now but I still need Mum to fasten my shoelaces and I like knowing that she’s there to make my tea.”
The teenage years
CAROL DYCE lives in Mortlake, West London, with husband Keith, 56, and their three children, Mark, 17, Finbar, 15, and 11-year-old Molly. The 53-year-old mum says:
During the bleary-eyed baby years you can’t imagine anyone could ever need you more.
Now my son Finbar needs me just as much as he did back then – if not more.
As long as toddlers are fed and watered with lots of cuddles, they’re fine.
But teenagers, especially in today’s selfie-obsessed society, are bombarded with new influences every day. Combine that with starting secondary school, the pressure of exams and raging hormones, it’s no wonder they have lots going on in their minds.
It may not feel like that sometimes when you get one-word answers to your questions or it’s hard to tear them away from their screens.
Then there’s Finbar’s questions asking what I think of girls pouting, like Kim Kardashian, and whether cannabis should be legalised.
I believe it’s about keeping lines of communication open and not just yelling upstairs asking them to pick up their dirty clothes.
And I learn just as much from him because teenagers challenge you.
Finbar says: “Mum does go on a bit sometimes but I know she’ll always listen to me and give good advice. But I never leave my clothes on the floor – that’s my brother.”