Confessions of a dominatrix… and other dirty secrets from the workplace
A flood of grim and grimy trade secrets appeared online this week - and you won't like everything you read...
BRITAIN’S workers are flocking to share the dirty little secrets of their jobs – with the emphasis on dirty.
A post on parenting website Mumsnet this week asked users to reveal their workplace secrets — and received a flood of grim and often grimy trade secrets.
The confessions are part of a growing trend for fed-up staff to tell all in anonymous posts online.
Secrets range from airline cabin crew who use ice tongs to unblock the loos, through to university exam invigilators who while away boredom by ranking the students’ “shaggability”.
Here are some of the most fascinating — and frightening — workplace admissions from across the web...
Train worker
YOU might hope that with millions using Britain’s rail and Tube networks each day, trains would get a thorough clean every day.
But that’s not the case according to one staffer, who said: “Trains are regularly checked for safety, but when it comes to cleaning, the upholstery is largely untouched — no vacuuming, I am sorry to say.”
Fast food
HYGIENE should be a concern in Britain’s restaurants.
One worker revealed: “The ice machine is by far the grossest place in the whole restaurant. It gets cleaned out sometimes, but not as often as it should.”
And there’s bad news for those with a sweet tooth: “The ice cream machines never get cleaned out.”
And watch what you order. Another worker adds: “The safest orders on a menu are the most popular burger, chicken nuggets and French fries because the turnover on them is so high there’s little chance anything bad has happened.
“The less popular items can stay under the heating lamps for an entire shift because no one orders them.”
Another said: “One time I found a bug in the French fries while I was scooping them out and my boss just told me to throw it away and keep scooping.”
Hotel worker
ONE former cleaning manager revealed: “Duvets, heavy blankets and pillows are only washed every three to four months.”
So that’s a hell of a lot of strangers’ dried sweat you’re sleeping on.
The hotel insider added: “Do not use the cups in the rooms because they are often washed in the bathroom.
"I found housekeepers using the same cloth they cleaned surfaces with to clean the cups.”
Personal trainer
GETTING fit can be a filthy business.
One gym bunny admitted: “You know all those exercise mats you see lying around? They never get washed.
“You should always bring your own mat to workouts, and some antibacterial hand gel before using the machines might not go amiss either.”
Air stewardess
THE travel industry hides a whole host of horrors, according to the those in the business.
One flight attendant admitted: “I never have ice in my drinks on a plane, having had to use my pair of ice tongs to break up a superpoo that was fighting back and wouldn’t flush down on a flight.”
Another added: “When we give out fresh lemon towels to the passengers, some of the women would use these to refresh their private parts.
“We always use the food tongs to pick those up so we don’t have to touch them.”
Cruise ship staff
A HOLIDAY at sea can be the trip of a lifetime — but you might want to think twice before embarking on a romance with a member of staff.
One worker confessed: “It seems like a cliche, but everyone was hooking up with each other.
"In a lot of the crew areas there were these huge posters about STD prevention.”
Exam invigilators
IT seems such a boring job, so maybe it’s no surprise that those who sit at the front while the students feverishly scribble away are prone to letting their minds wander.
One admitted: “I got so bored I used to pass the time by classifying them in order of shaggability, or shoe desirability.”
Dominatrix
THE sex industry comes with its own unique set of problems.
Britain’s Miss Whiplashes might seem hard-hearted — as that’s what they’re being paid for — but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own concerns.
One said: “The off-putting part was the fact that, as with all sex work, I guess, you’re dealing with married men.
“They have to be fairly upfront about it and ask things like, ‘Can you severely cane me without leaving any marks?’
“Last time I did, it was in a guy’s spare room surrounded by kids’ toys, which was slightly off-putting.”
Estate agents
AN invitation to put in an offer can take on a whole new meaning, according to Britain’s home sellers.
One admitted: “It’s not uncommon for agents to ‘borrow’ the keys to a property for a few hours, either for a knee trembler with a girlfriend — or a colleague.”
Tech stores
AT A national chain of phone and laptop stores a worker revealed: “Often wives come in with their husband’s laptops and want us to go through the files looking for proof of an affair.
“It’s sad, but I have to tell them to go through Customer Support.
"I’m not paid enough to deal with them if we do find anything.”
999 dispatchers
EMERGENCY call centre staff say the busiest shifts can be predicted months ahead.
One said: “Full-moon shifts are a nightmare. If one of those is combined with a Friday night, a pay day or an event like Halloween, you know that whole night will be hell on earth.”
Social workers
A MESSY house can actually be better than a tidy one as it might be proof that children are being properly looked after.
One social worker explained: “We look at things differently. Clothes drying on radiators means they have clothes, the clothes are washed and there is some heat in the house. Tripping over toys means they have toys.
“Toast crusts on the table, chair or floor means the children probably had something to eat before school or nursery. All these can be positive signs.”
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Midwives
IT’S often dads who need more attention than mums-to-be.
A midwife said: “It’s not uncommon for dads to pass out during a caesarean section and we just drag them out of the way and carry on.”
Crematorium staff
AMONG the macabre revelations it seems that nowadays a loved one’s ashes are 95 per cent human and only five per cent coffin, due to the thin MDF used in making caskets.
Artificial hips and knees are recycled and other metals are removed with a magnet before the ashes are handed to the family.
House cleaners
ONE said: “It’s common for us to try on clothes, ‘borrow’ make up, snack from the fridge and generally have a poke around.
“And if we want to impress a new boyfriend, what better way than to invite them round to make out on fresh sheets in a lovely room? I can just put the sheets through the machine afterwards and nobody’s the wiser.”
Telemarketeer
FINALLY, a tip for how to kill nuisance calls.
A phone sales worker said: “Never just hang up. The system just puts your number back into the database. If you don’t want to be called again — just say so.”