New research says that women are genetically programmed to have affairs
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WEBCAM trysts, illicit texts and dating sites especially for married people – in many ways, it’s never been easier to have an affair.
But although the stereotype is that it’s always men who do the dirty (and everyone knows that they have an “evolutionary reason” for sowing their seed as far as possible), a new theory claims women are genetically programmed to have affairs, too.
“Early woman would have seen having an affair as ‘mate insurance’,” explains Professor David Buss, who led the research at the University of Texas. “If their current partner died or could no longer provide protection and resources, a back-up plan was essential to survival.”
Although men still have more affairs than women – or at least are more likely to admit to them (15% of married men, compared to 9% of married women)*, this new research has shone a light on what makes women likely to stray. So here’s how to discover if you could be heading down a one-way path to Cheatsville. You might want to hide the answers from your partner...
Count how many of these statements apply to you
I’ve faked an orgasm in the last three months
A 2013 study revealed that the more orgasms a woman had pretended to have, the more likely she was to cheat.** “Faking orgasms says a lot more about a woman’s odds of staying faithful than her actually having orgasms,” says sexual psychologist Justin Lehmiller.
“It’s not simply about being sexually satisfied, but how willing you are to deceive your partner in the bedroom – and then outside of it, too.”
My age ends in a 9
There might be something in the midlife crisis cliché. One study that examined data from extra-marital affair dating website Ashley Madison found men and women who were about to enter a new decade of their life were the most likely to have an affair.***
I’ve cheated in the past
The phrase: “Once a cheater, always a cheater” might actually be true. In one study, researchers found that of those who had previously had sex outside of their primary relationship in any previous or current relationship, 62% of women did it again.
I look at my Twitter and Facebook feeds more than five times a day
Research shows that the more often a person uses Twitter, the more often they have “relationship conflicts”, culminating in cheating, break-ups and divorce. Previous studies have suggested similar results for heavy Facebook users, too.
“This might be because you’re mentally bringing other people into the home and the relationship – third-wheel syndrome,” says Justin. “Or it might simply be because you’re interacting with more people, and so the overall chances of you meeting a new partner are higher.”
I earn a lot less than my partner
A 2015 study found that the chances of husbands and wives doing the dirty were higher if their partners earned more money than them. “The theory is that for economically dependent people, infidelity may be an attempt to restore relationship equity and power,” says Justin.
If a shop assistant gave me too much change, I wouldn’t be honest enough to say
Researchers from the University of Koblenz-Landau in Germany found that people were more likely to stray if they failed an experiment that required them to lie to get a small amount of money.
“This is all to do with a personality measure that psychologists call the Honesty-Humility factor,” explains Justin. “Essentially, the more likely you are to be dishonest about something small, the more chance of this trait manifesting on a much bigger scale.”
I like surprises
Sensation-seeking personality types who have a heightened need for stimulation are more likely to cheat. A 2009 experiment found that participants who wanted to be given a surprise element during a test were more likely to cheat in the situation.
My ring finger is longer than my index finger
A study by Oxford University found that having a long ring finger means you are statistically more promiscuous and more inclined to commit adultery.
Research has found that this “2D:4D” ratio — the ratio of the length of the second digit (the index finger) compared to that of the fourth digit (the ring finger) — reveals the amount of male hormones, mainly testosterone, a person is exposed to in the womb. Elevated testosterone has been linked to increased likelihood of having an affair.
I find it easy to switch off from certain emotions
Studies have found that people who are sociosexually unrestricted – which means they find it easy to have sex without getting emotionally attached – are more likely to stray. People who identify with this personality trait are also more likely to have higher sex drives and to disassociate the act of cheating with hurting their partner’s feelings.
Now add up your score
Ticked 7 or more? You’re highly likely to cheat
Chances are you’re fantasising about having an affair or are in the first throes of one. “The first thing I’ll say is you will be found out,” warns therapist Andrew Marshall. “These days, you leave a trail of evidence.” Aside from bank statements and texts, your behaviour will be a big giveaway.
“A partner can tell if you pull back,” adds Andrew. “And while you’re consciously causing pain to another, the one who’ll end up most hurt is you, as you have to live with the painful fallout. Seek therapy by yourself or as a couple, or the pattern will repeat.”
Ticked between 4 and 6 ? You’re moderately likely to cheat
Innate factors, such as hormones or personality, mean you’re likelier than most to be tempted. “If you feel this way, there’s a reason why, such as dissatisfaction with your partner,” says Andrew. But if you fancy a hot guy at work, don’t feel too bad – see it as a wake-up call. If a couple seeks help before the affair stage, it can strengthen a relationship.
“The situation makes you re-evaluate both your needs. Handled carefully (eg with a therapist), telling your partner you’re attracted to someone else doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You may even find they have felt the same,” Andrew says.
Ticked 3 or fewer? You’re unlikely to cheat
The idea of betraying your partner is one you can’t fathom. But this could change. “We have affairs not always because we want another person, but because we’re looking for another version of ourselves,” says Andrew. “Some women have them in times of vulnerability or big change. It’s a type of comfort.”
Worried your partner will cheat? “Work out what’s really happening and what your insecurities are,” says Andrew. “Open and honest talks are the way forward.”