My lover won’t tell her kids about me — because I went to school with them

Dear Deidre

I’VE been having passionate sex with an older woman and I’ve really fallen for her but she won’t tell her sons about me as I was at school with them.

I’m a 30-year-old guy and work in construction.

I started building a porch on a woman’s house in our town.

She’s a 49-year-old divorcee and wanted the porch to store her grandson’s pushchair.

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My cousin recommended me.

He lives next door to her.

She asked me to go over to look through the plans.

She’s gorgeous and very fit for her age as she’s a yoga teacher.

We sat at her kitchen table talking through the project and I knew we were going to get on.

I started work the following week.

I’d just come out of a long-term relationship and I started telling her how sad I was over a cup of tea in her kitchen one afternoon.

She was very understanding and then she said: “How could she let you go? You’re such a lovely guy.”

I felt so flattered that I leaned forward and brushed her face with my hand.

She massages me all over and makes my body come alive. The sex is out of this world

She grabbed my hand and pulled me to her and we had the most passionate kiss.

She asked me whether I could break from the job for a while and took me upstairs.

We had the most sensuous sex ever.

I’ve been trying to finish the building work but I keep stopping to have sex with her.

She massages me all over and makes my body come alive.

The sex is out of this world.

I am beginning to fall in love with her.

I’ve asked her to move in with me or let me move in with her, but she won’t.

She says she loves me too but we must keep our relationship secret.

Her sons are 27 and 29 and I know they’re very protective of her.

She says they’ll never accept me, a guy they know who is more or less the same age as them.

Do I keep trying — or finish the porch, lick my wounds and move on with my life?

DEIDRE SAYS: I think so.

It’s not only the age issue.

You’re a caring guy who is looking for a long-term relationship like you had before.      

Perhaps you’d even like to have children at some stage?

What you need is someone nearer your age so you have more in common.

She’s clearly a caring and sensuous lover but it’s likely that before too long you’ll realise you’d prefer somebody younger – which would then hurt her.

She’s clear she just wants a friends-with-benefits arrangement so tell her it should stop now before either of you get hurt.

Keep your relationship professional from now on.

You’ll soon find somebody who is proud to be seen out with you.

My e-leaflet Finding The Love Of Your Life could help.

Do I dob fella in to mum?

Dear Deidre

MY mother-in-law doesn’t know her son is to blame for damaging my shoulder so now I can’t work.

I met my partner two years ago.

I have been the breadwinner running a garden design business.

I’m 39 and he is 41.

He’s a postman and finishes work by lunchtime so spends the afternoons in the pub.

I found out he’d been meeting a young girl for sex.

I was furious.

We argued and he shoved me really hard into the wall then yanked my arm, tearing the tendons in my shoulder.

The pain was excruciating.

It’s been months now and I still can’t work so am eating into my savings.

My partner’s mum keeps asking when I’m going back to my job.

She thinks I’m freeloading.

Should I tell her the truth?

DEIDRE SAYS: Be very careful.

Your partner could well turn violent again if he thinks you spoke out of turn to his mother.

He sounds a nasty piece of work and his mother will probably take his side, whatever you say.

Why stay with a man who is lazy and violent and is cheating on you?

Get out before he hurts you again.

My leaflet Abusive Partner? will help.

I can't take the Pill... but my boyfriend hates condoms

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Dear Deidre

MY boyfriend can’t climax when he wears a condom and I can’t take the Pill.

I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 25.

We met at university and we’ve just found our first jobs so things are looking great – until it comes to our sex life.

We want to enjoy a good sex life but the Pill gave me headaches so we tried condoms, but my boyfriend found it very frustrating as he said it took away the moment.

My GP was really unhelpful and just gave me a couple of leaflets.

We don’t want an unwanted pregnancy.

Can you give us some advice?

DEIDRE SAYS: Of course, and it’s great you’re taking contraception seriously.

There is such a variety of methods you’ll be able to find one that is safe and feels good too.

Check out , aimed at under 25s who have queries about sex-related issues.

There’s a contraceptive chooser tool on their site to help you work out what will suit.

I left my colleague a note... now she says I've harassed her

Dear Deidre

I LEFT a note under a work colleague’s windscreen wiper and now she has reported me for harassing her.

I’m a guy of 21 and I work in a care home.

I have a girlfriend, work with lots of women and generally get on well with them.

One colleague is 28.

I see her as a friend but we had a row about making tea for a resident and she wouldn’t speak to me afterwards.

She was due to go on holiday the next week, so I left a note on her car saying I hoped she would have a good time and that I would miss her.

Now she’s reported me to management. I feel so hurt.

DEIDRE SAYS: You did catch her on a bad day but to protect yourself talk to your manager or the Human Resources officer and put your side of the story.

Take a friend with you as a witness.

I hope her holiday sees her come back in a better mood but keep your relationship professional from now on.

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the  Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Will 'gay' son be bullied?

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Dear Deidre

MY 11-year-old son shows all the signs of being gay but I’m not sure if it’s a phase.

I’m 30 and a single dad.

He’s always been inquisitive and he told me once that he wanted to be a girl with long hair.

I told him boys could have long hair.

He’s now asked how I’d feel if he said he liked boys. I’ve told him I’m cool with it.

He’s only been in his new school for two months and I’m worried that if he’s open about his sexuality with me, what is he like with friends?

He’s already told me he’s kissed a boy on the lips.

Kids can be so cruel and I just want to protect him.

DEIDRE SAYS: There is a lot less prejudice now but children can turn on anyone who seems a bit different.
In a few years he may not feel how he does now – though he may.

Suggest he not label himself with friends yet, as they may not be mature enough to understand.

If you fear he is being bullied, talk to Educational Action Challenging Homophobia (0808 1000 143, ).

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