I feel so guilty after cheating on my boyfriend with my boss at Christmas work do
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
Dear Deidre
I HAD sex with my boss at my work Christmas party last week. I want to confess to my boyfriend because it feels like the right thing to do.
I’ve got a brilliant job working for a department store.
They’re giving me really great training and it’s all looking good — or it was until last Saturday night.
My boss is a young 31, ten years older than me. He’s a really nice guy who’s been giving me loads of support with the job. He’s really fit too, I should say.
Christmas came early for us, as it does every year for the store. We are rushed off our feet as the big day gets near.
The party was held in a hotel out of town and my boss had a room, as they were having management meetings next day.
He looked so hot in his suit and bow tie.
I’d soon downed a couple of drinks and put out of my mind the fact that he’s already married — and that I have a boyfriend at home. The dancefloor was empty at first so my boss said we needed to get people moving.
He pulled me up from my seat and we danced for a bit, then had more to drink, and so it went on for a couple of hours. Then he said he needed a breather outside.
We went out on the terrace. He pulled me towards him and kissed me, all loving and sweet, and then led me to the lift and on up to his room for a “rest”.
He poured us champagne and we cuddled and kissed, and then had sex in the big double bed. It was great. I made it downstairs in time to get my taxi back to town with the others who live near me.
My boyfriend suspected nothing, but I’m now riddled with guilt.
I’ve been with my fella for four years and love him a lot. I want to confess what I did but my friend says that would ruin his Christmas and he might even finish with me.
DEIDRE SAYS: That sounds like good advice. You might feel better at first if you tell him the truth but you’d hurt him a lot and his trust in you could well be damaged for good.
I’m wondering though, what made you cheat if you love him so much? Has the magic worn thin?
Is he still the one you want to be with or is he now more of a habit to you?
We all change a lot as we move from our teens to our twenties and our feelings can often change too.
If you are bored in your relationship, don’t go looking for love with your boss. Apart from the fact that he is married, that’s a good way to mess up your future career.
You may think he’s a really nice guy but he crossed a line here. Make up your mind it won’t happen again and let him know it too.
TOPIC FOR TODAY
FOR many adults who are alone, broke or have suffered a loss through divorce, separation or bereavement, Christmas is a time to dread.
My e-leaflet Worried About Christmas? is full of practical suggestions to help.
For a copy email me at [email protected].
Do I tell my boss her husband is a sleaze?
Dear Deidre
There is a big dilemma for me at work. Should I tell my boss her husband’s a cheat?
I work in a close-knit office. We all share our problems and talk about what’s going on in our personal lives. I’m 29 and my team leader is 31.
She’s a great boss and last year she told us she’d found out her husband had an affair for more than a year.
They had managed to work through their problems and get the show back on the road but now a colleague has told me she’s heard that our boss’s husband had another affair which his wife doesn’t know about. Should I tell her?
DEIDRE SAYS: In a word, no. Why risk causing upset and pain when you’re not even sure of the facts?
Even if it’s true, there’s no need for you to get involved. Perhaps his wife did know about this but chose not to share all the details at work.
It’s their business, not yours, so focus on your work and don’t spread rumours.
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Enough is enough with my girlfriend's dog
Dear Deidre
I’m fed up with sharing my girlfriend’s bed with her dog.
I’m 30 and my girlfriend is 28. We’ve been together for two months and it feels like the start of something great.
I’ve started to spend more and more time at her flat but her dog doesn’t like that at all.
He’s a six-year-old poodle who gets jealous when my girlfriend shows any affection to me. He sleeps in her bed and the sheets are all gritty.
She serves his food in soup bowls which are then washed and put back for people to use. Is she getting it wrong or is it just me?
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m with you. It is unhygienic to share bowls with a pet, and dogs are hierarchical animals. Sleeping in your girlfriend’s bed gives him ideas above his station and may make him aggressive.
Tell your girlfriend you love being with her but not sharing with her dog.
Buy her a book on dog training to back you up.
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Sister is invading our villa in Spain
Dear Deidre
I live in Spain and my sister comes over so often I’m thinking of charging her.
I’m 48 and I moved to Spain with my business 15 years ago. It’s been tough at times but my wife and I have stuck with it. Our home isn’t large but it has its own pool and is in a beautiful place.
My sister is 53 and divorced. She comes a couple of times a year and last time she brought her two daughters as well.
She doesn’t invite me to her house in England, which would be helpful. Now she’s told me she’s coming to stay over Christmas and is bringing a friend. This may sound unkind but I feel like I’ve done quite enough.
She has money for cruises and hotels, I think she’s taking advantage.
DEIDRE SAYS: It does sound like it. Think what you most want to come out of a shift in arrangements.
You could suggest how much you’d like her to contribute to the extra costs when she stays, make clear a return invitation is well overdue, or say you have made other arrangements.
Some people just need to be told. My e-leaflet Standing Up For Yourself will help.
Friend's ex jibe is making me upset
Dear Deidre
While I’m thrilled to be pregnant, I’m worried my best friend will spoil things for me.
I’m 24 and my boyfriend is 27. We’ve been together for a year. Long before I met him, I went on a date with a guy 12 years older than me. It didn’t work out but we always stayed friends. I know he still wishes that he was with me.
My boyfriend is the best thing that has ever happened to me but we had a big row and split up for a week. I met up with my ex for a drink but it didn’t feel right so I didn’t stay long.
I’m now back with my boyfriend. I’m pregnant and everything’s great, except that my friend keeps making jokes that I shouldn’t be having this baby when I’m still in love with my ex.
I’m worried she’ll make these jokes to my boyfriend and then he might leave.
DEIDRE SAYS: Jokes are all very well but she needs to know when to stop. Tell her the jokes are causing you pain.
But you’ve done nothing wrong. Tell your boyfriend how happy you are to be sharing your future with him. If your friend still keeps on with her jokes, she’s not really a friend.
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