Our affair is real deal to her but it’s just about sex for me
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
Dear Deidre
I’M having mind-blowing sex with a woman at work but it’s all we have in common.
I’m panicking because she wants to tell everyone about our “relationship” at next week’s work Christmas party.
She wants me to leave my wife – who has no idea about our trysts.
This woman started working with me 14 months ago.
She is 32, single and nothing to look at — not a patch on my wife — but we started flirting.
Then we got a bit drunk at last year’s work Christmas party and ended up having sex in a bedroom at the hotel.
My wife is still beautiful but sex has become routine and boring.
I am 39 and she is 38.
We have been together for 19 years and have daughters of 17 and 15.
This woman said I could have sex with her any time and I could not resist.
She is up for it anywhere and I have never known sex like it.
It has become a way of life but I hate lying to my lovely wife.
I take this woman out twice a month, just to keep her happy.
Lately she has started moaning about not having me to herself and she wants me to leave my wife.
I made it clear from the off that I would never split from my wife.
Now she is putting so much pressure on me that I am starting to panic.
She believes I’m in love with her, because that is what I’ve told her.
I’ve even thought of quitting my job to end the affair but I know she will cause a load of trouble if I do.
Why can’t she be happy with the sex, like I am?
I am addicted to that and, if I finish with her, I will go back to the life of boring sex.
Is it so bad to want a little bit extra?
I fear what will happen next.
This woman would love it if my wife threw me out.
DEIDRE SAYS: I know initially you said you wouldn’t leave your wife but you have told your other woman you are in love with her.
Of course she interprets that as meaning it’s a serious relationship, not just about the sex.
No, we can’t always have all we want – in your case a lovely wife and sex on the side.
Tell your lover firmly that it’s over, so there will be nothing to announce at the party.
If she plans to tell your wife, say you’ll do it first.
If you must confess, you’ll have a lot of making up to do.
My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Forgive and Forget? will help.
Even if you can avoid confessing – and it’s safest not to – work on brightening your sex life at home.
If it’s boring, that’s at least 50 per cent down to you.
My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help.
Dear Deidre
I HARDLY see my son now he’s married and has moved in with his in-laws.
He’s not even coming here over Christmas.
Our first grandchild, a boy, is due in February and my daughter-in-law’s parents will see him 24/7, but us not at all.
My son is 25, his wife is 22 and I am 44.
I have always been there for my son but I don’t like my daughter-in-law or her stuck-up family.
I invited my son and his wife to ours for Christmas dinner.
My daughter-in-law texted back that her parents were planning a family meal for them all.
I feel like saying something but I know it will end up in an argument.
DEIDRE SAYS: Keep the peace, if only because they are going to have your grandchild.
The last thing you want is a rift.
Ask your son and daughter-in-law round for a meal before or after Christmas Day.
It is hard, but put on a smile and you will be the winner.
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I lost weight, he lost desire
Dear Deidre
I USED to be overweight and my boyfriend could not keep his hands off me.
Now I’ve slimmed down, he’s not interested.
I decided to get fit and lose weight – I shed four stone.
I am 29 and have been with my boyfriend for five years. He is 31.
For the past year he has not laid a finger on me.
He still wants sex every night but never touches me.
He just kisses me then asks me to get on top.
He says he still loves me, but I am lonely.
DEIDRE SAYS: Well done for losing weight and getting fit.
Being so evidently much more attractive may be making your boyfriend feel threatened.
Maybe he felt more confident when you were overweight, so tell him how much you miss all the great foreplay.
Don’t just climb on top but insist on some sexy touching first.
Dear Deidre
MY girlfriend is insisting on going to her brother’s Christmas party but her ex will be there, as he’s her brother’s best friend.
She told me about her past boyfriends when we got together.
This guy is married and she says she was wrong to get involved.
I told her I do not want to go to the party if he will be there.
I am 24, my girlfriend is 23.
We have been together for six weeks and I thought she was the one.
We had a row about it and she admitted that she had carried on having sex with him even after she knew he was married.
I love her but I am shocked.
DEIDRE SAYS: We all have a history and those past experiences make us the people we are now.
Accept your girlfriend’s past, put it behind you, concentrate on who she is now and build up what you have.
Go to the party with your girlfriend and show her ex how strong your relationship is.
Teenage trouble
Dear Deidre
I AM dreading Christmas because my nan died very suddenly last month.
I am struggling to grieve properly.
I am a girl aged 15.
I visited her one Saturday afternoon then she died two hours later from a massive stroke.
She was only 59.
I went back to school the next week but I cannot fully accept that she is not there any more.
I do not feel depressed but I have this sadness hovering over me.
I need to be strong and happy for my mum but Christmas will not be right without my nan. I am heartbroken.
DEIDRE SAYS: You clearly had a brilliant relationship with your nan and that will stay with you for ever, but it will take a while to come to terms with losing her in your daily life.
Cruse offer support to young people who have suffered bereavement (, 0808 808 1677).
Dear Deidre
MY two years at sixth form college were unhappy because of a group of nasty guys there.
Now I am home from uni for Christmas, I am dreading seeing them.
I am shy and they excluded me and made fun of me.
I could not wait to leave.
I am a guy of 18 and have loved my first term at university.
I have made great new friends and got a wonderful girlfriend.
Now I am back for the Christmas holidays my good friends expect me to get together with them down the pub, but I know some of the mean guys will be there.
What should I do and how can I put it behind me?
DEIDRE SAYS: You are making a success of things, so don’t let these nasty guys get in your way.
If they behave badly, walk away and find your friends.
My e-leaflet Are You Being Bullied? explains strategies.
BECOME A FORCES PENPAL: My service has helped cheer up our lads for years – especially those serving overseas. Find out how to join in here.
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