Christmas stress can push couples to breaking point… but with Dear Deidre’s tips you can keep your love life ticking over nicely
With divorce inquiries set to soar by 300 per cent as solicitors' offices reopen after the festive season, keep your love alive into the New Year
TOUGH festive break with your other half? You’re not alone.
Divorce inquiries are expected to go up by 300 per cent this week as solicitors’ offices reopen after the holiday.
Problems which may have been bubbling under the surface of a relationship for a while could have been brought to breaking point by the pressures of Christmas.
But don’t call in the lawyers just yet. Here, The Sun’s agony aunt DEIDRE SANDERS offers an MOT for you and your partner.
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Do you need an oil change?
ONCE we’re settled into a stable relationship it’s all too easy to start taking its smooth-running for granted.
We tend to fall into a pattern of who does what chores, who gets to choose what’s on telly, who goes out when and how often.
Couples are amazingly resistant to saying anything about their routine.
Both men and women often let things drift on that are making them quietly resentful – until a few drinks or added stress such as Christmas makes them blow their gasket.
The New Year is a great time to oil the wheels of your relationship.
Have a talk about what is especially great about your life together but also mention changes you would appreciate – like taking it in turns to hog the remote, cook the dinner, mow the grass or do the ironing.
Are your signals working?
WHEN we meet someone new we are alert to every subtle change of expression and thrill to every inflection in their voice.
But after a few years – or a few months if we’ve got our eyes glued to a screen – we often stop registering our partner’s feelings.
How many couples do you see out these days in theory together but in reality with their eyes fixed on their phone?
Your relationship cannot thrive if you are not communicating clearly and regularly. Put your phones away, turn the telly off and spend an hour chatting to each other when you get home from work.
That goes for our relationship with our kids, too.
Have you got booster-seat blues?
CHILDREN can make a relationship feel complete – but if you’re not careful they turn into totally dominating backseat drivers.
Yes, we should always consider our children’s happiness and wellbeing first.
But we also need to carve out some couple time or we risk destroying our relationship – and our children risk losing the security of having mum and dad happily together.
Don’t be shy of asking grandparents, trusted relatives and friends to babysit for evenings out.
Arrange a weekend away if your kids are old enough. It boosts your children’s life skills and gives you invaluable time to focus on one another without interruption – even if your favourite topic of conversation is the kids. . .
Is your steering in sync?
MAKE the best use of time out from work and home demands to check you are both still driving in the same direction.
People change. The young mum who was happy working part-time in a cafe may have realised she has a talent for catering and fancies setting up her own business.
The guy who dutifully brought home the bacon for 20 years may be longing to further his education and teach.
Make sure you check in with one another about major plans and goals at least once a year – maybe every New Year.
Do you have the same plans for the future or have your hopes and dreams for the future drifted apart?
If so, look for ways to further one another’s dreams, maybe taking it in turns to take the lead, or finding workable compromises.
Checked your wipers?
WHEN was the last time you looked at your other half and felt genuinely attracted?
If you can’t remember, it is time you both got dressed up for a date and felt proud of one another.
Yes, it’s reasonable to expect our other half still to love us when we’re slobbing about on Sunday morning in trackie bottoms and a T-shirt.
But we should pay one another the compliment of looking our very best whenever we go out as a couple and of being at least clean and fragrant most of the time.
It’s important to tell your partner how great they look and how fanciable they are. There’s nothing like being told you look sexy to feel sexy – and if we don’t say so, someone else might.
Need to top up your anti-freeze?
HAVING babies, work worries, health problems and sheer exhaustion can all interrupt or wind down a couple’s regular sex life.
Every day turns into once a week, which turns into once a month which turns into almost never.
Unless you have both honestly agreed that sex genuinely isn’t important to either of you, do not kid yourselves that a sexless relationship doesn’t matter.
For most couples it blows icy winds right into the heart of their relationship. Talk about what has led to your sex life winding down so you can tackle it.
If it’s just that you need to get in gear, my e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help.
If you have more fundamental problems (maybe your big end has gone) my e-leaflets on Solving Erection Problems, How Men Can Last Longer and Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive will help you sort it.
- You can email [email protected] for a copy of any of my e-leaflets.