How to talk about the Manchester bombing to your children, according to bereavement experts
A SUICIDE bomber has slaughtered 22 people, including children, and injured at least 59 people as they left a concert in the heart of Manchester on Monday.
In the wake of the Manchester terror attack, the deadliest on British soil since 7/7, one questions resonates: why?
Explaining death to a child is something no parent wants to prepare for.
Making sense of the horror that tore through the Manchester Arena at around 10.40pm last night to a child can feel impossible.
As an adult you will likely struggle to comprehend the senseless actions of a rogue suicide bomber.
So, what on Earth are you meant to say to answer your little one's probing questions and enquiring mind.
Is honesty the best policy?
Or should you follow your parental instincts and protect them from the evil reality, and in doing so preserve their innocence?
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You can't be expected to have all the answers, and that is where the experts at charity can offer help.
They support children who are bereaved through murder and suicide, and they offer help to military families across the UK.
Sacha Richardson, director of family services at the charity, said: "Talk to children using words they understand and are appropriate for their age.
"It's best to use honest, clear language if possible.
"It's probably best to tell children information a bit at a time, giving them the opportunity to come back with more questions.
"Older children will want and be able to handle more information."
If, as is likely to be the case when parents are dealing with their child's enquiring minds, you are faced with the question "why?", Mr Richardson offered an example of what to tell them.
Talk to children using words they understand and are appropriate for their age. It’s best to use honest, clear language if possible
Sacha Richardson, Director of Family Services at Winston's Wish
He suggested telling your child: "No one can completely know why.
"We know it wasn't an accident.
"It's so, so difficult to understand why anyone would be so cruel as to kill other people."
Here Mr Richardson addresses some of the typical questions parents will have.
1. Should I stop my child watching the news or reading about the attack online?
When a terror attack occurs, a parent's natural instinct can be to try and prevent their child hearing about it.
But Mr Richardson said it is important they hear about it from you, a person they trust, before hearing whispers in the playground at school.
"Because other children will have heard the news, it is better for your children to have the opportunity to ask questions and receive reassurance from people they trust," he explained.
THINGS TO REMEMBER
- Talk to your child using words they understand, and give information to younger kids a bit at a time
- Try and encourage your child to ask questions
- Answer questions honestly and simply, talking about it won't make it worse
- Accept that some things can't be "made better"
- Show willingness to talk about difficult things and use the opportunity to reassure your child
- Don't worry if your child is asking questions, it shows they trust you and it's better than keeping their worries to themselves
- "Super" parents and "super" teachers don't exist, just do and say what you can
- Don't be afraid to show your child how you are feeling
"Your judgement of what your child can understand is very valuable.
"If your children are used to watching and discussing the news with you, they may be able to watch an early news bulletin with you beside them."
Mr Richardson said parents should encourage questions from their kids, and added you should be prepared for them to come to you days after the attack itself as more coverage of grieving families is shown.
2. What should I say about the people who did this?
In the aftermath of the Manchester attack it can be difficult to stay calm as more details emerge about the person who carried out the attack.
But Mr Richardson said it's important to try and distinguish between bad acts and bad people.
He said: "Children find the idea of bad people frightening.
"But children are also very fair-minded and will want reassurance that the person who did this has been caught and will be punished."
In the case of the Manchester attack, police believe the perpetrator was killed as he detonated the bomb that ripped through the arena as fans left the Ariana Grande concert.
3. My kids are asking lots of questions about death. What do I say?
Kids, like adults, will need to make sense of the deaths from this attack in their own way, Mr Richardson said.
They will also need the support of those around them to do this.
As a parent, using specific language can help a child.
Mr Richardson said where possible to try and avoid euphemisms.
Because other children will have heard the news, it is better for your children to have the opportunity to ask questions and receive reassurance from people they trust
Sacha Richardson
"Say 'died' not 'gone away'," he explained.
"This will avoid confusion, build trust and reassure children that it is OK to talk openly about difficult things."
With younger children, they may want more specific facts about death.
Mr Richardson suggested explaining how when someone is caught in an explosion, they can "bleed a lot from their body".
He advised telling them: "Our bodies need blood to make all the parts, like the heart and brain, work properly.
"If someone loses too much blood, their body stops working and they die."
It is likely to prompt more questions about death and dying, such as "does it hurt?".
A parent's response will depend on the child's reaction, some may be interested, others may get upset and seek reassurance it won't happen again.
Others will want to play or do something completely different.
Mr Richardson said parents should be reassured that all are very natural responses.
