Mum who lost her only child in Pulse nightclub massacre recalls ‘retching with grief’ – before receiving his bullet-ridden clothes
Christine Leinonen saw herself in mum of Manchester victim Olivia Campbell as she too made TV appearances appealing for information about her son Christopher, who was killed in the Orlando shooting
A BRAVE mum who lost her son in the horrific Pulse nightclub massacre in Orlando has recalled "retching and gagging with grief" as she heard her only child was dead and received his bullet hole-ridden clothes.
Christine Leinonen, from Polk City, Florida, said the recent Manchester terror attack, which killed 22 people, brought the horror of the night rushing back.
Her son Christopher, a 32-year-old therapist, and his boyfriend Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22, were killed when terrorist Omar Mir Seddique Mateen burst into the popular gay nightclub on June 12, 2016, shooting dead 49 people and injuring 53 with an automatic assault rifle.
The 59-year-old said: "Christopher was one of the most loving people you would ever meet.
“Everybody loved him and he loved everyone – he was so genuine and fun to be around.
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“He was my only child and I know that he was thinking that Juan could be the ‘one’ – Christopher wanted to get married and have kids of his own until we were all cruelly robbed of his life.
“I will never stop missing him – and I choose to remember the good times because that’s what he would want for me. He wouldn’t want me to cry and be miserable all the time."
Christine said watching the mum of Olivia Campbell, a victim of the Manchester attack, making a gut-wrenching plea for help to find her daughter brought back distressing memories.
She said: “I saw the hope in her eyes, the same tiny bit of hope that I kept going when I went on TV begging anyone who knew my son for information on what had happened to him.
"Sadly for both of us, we lost our dear children and our lives will never be the same again."
Christine told how she was sure her son saw a future with Juan.
She recalled: "I loved Juan – such a kind and loving young man who obviously was deeply in love with my son.
"They were always doing something – meeting up with friends, partying the night away, or staying in watching movies together. They were in love."
On the night of June 12 last year, the boys had intended to stay in until they were convinced to go out by their friend Brandon.
Brandon was in the toilet when the gunman burst into the club and opened fire.
Christine, an insomniac, was awake at 3am and she saw Brandon had put a notice on Facebook, saying that there had been a shooting and his friends were missing.
She said: "I called Brandon who was panic stricken. Trying to stay calm, I got dressed and hopped into the car – I can’t even remember driving that hour’s drive from my house into Orlando.
"When I got there, I stopped a policeman near The Pulse and asked him what had happened. 'The club got shot up,' he told me. I asked if there were injuries and he said, 'They are laid all over the club'.
"Brandon told me that he thought Christopher and Juan would have been directly in the line of fire because of where they were.
"I clung to that tiny bit of hope that was left, praying that my son was alive. I knew it wasn’t likely from what Brandon had told me, but I had to keep that sliver of hope alive in me, like Olivia’s mum did."
Christine was urged to make a TV appeal by a reporter at the hospital.
"I became a bit of an icon right there, the mother just like many more mums, dads and relatives who were desperate to get information on their loved ones," she admitted.
At around 11am on Monday morning, Christine finally found out the horrific truth while she was waiting at a community centre with lots of other families.
A policeman told Christine that her son had died in the club from his injuries. Juan had made it out and been taken to hospital but he died of his injuries there.
“I was unable to actually process what he was saying,” she explained.
“It was really weird. I was hearing the words but they weren’t registering.
“I still couldn’t completely believe that my son was dead. I cried as if my heart would break. I would never see my beautiful boy alive again. It was unbelievable. And the fact that he’d been shot dead by a terrorist was even worse – I couldn’t understand any of it. I felt so alone.
“The feeling of sorrow was wretched, I remember thinking I was crying so long and hard that I would surely do myself a physical injury.
"I was retching and gagging from my grief. I’ve lost people before and had to deal with major loss, but nothing could compare to this."
More than 1,000 of Christopher's friends and family attended his funeral, and Christine was determined to make it a celebration of his life.
She told how the first Christmas without him was "so hard".
"I’d just received his clothes with bullet holes in them – and the only people missing from the dinner table were Christopher and Juan," she said.
"There were no decorations, no gifts, no nothing.
"I miss being the person he would turn to when he needed a chat, the way he would call me to invite me for dinner or just ice-cream and the ways he would include me in everything.
"I wish we could have one more conversation."
Christine keeps in regular contact with fellow victims' families and survivors and has set up , a non-profit organisation in her son’s memory that aims to raise money to pay for scholarships for young people.
She also gives talks to large groups to empower young LGBTQ people to feel accepted, confident and empowered, just like Christopher was.
Speaking about the recent devastating terror attacks in Britain, Christine said: "I know what those parents searching for their kids were going through.
"I understand what it’s like to find out your child is dead and having to live with the consequences of a terrorist attack.
"It will take time and a lot of support but with help and the right people, it is possible to love through something so terrible and carry on.
"I do it for Christopher and the other Pulse nightclub victims. It’s in their memory that I carry on."