Top tips to get you out of any sticky situation with your kids this summer and survive the whole six weeks
Strike the right balance between keeping the kids entertained and staying calm this summer with our guide packed with top parenting tips and tricks
SCHOOL’S out and while the kids are looking forward to days of fun, you’re panicking about how to keep them entertained for six weeks.
While there are options – holiday clubs, help from grandparents and swapping play dates – the summer hols aren’t easy, especially if you still have to work.
Emma Kenny, psychologist and mum-of-two, says: “Kids and parents have different mindsets at the best of times, but even more so in summer.
“For kids, the focus is on fun while you’re all about keeping them entertained in a meaningful way. This can lead to arguments and parents blowing their tops at ‘lazy’ kids – but it doesn’t have to be like that.”
Here, Emma tells us her tips and tricks to help you (and your kids) survive the school holidays.
1 Kids still in PJs and you're late for work...
Solution: Accept the fact your children have very different priorities to you.
Shouting will accomplish very little and make the scenario even more stressful.
Try a family priorities list. For example, they don’t get to put the TV on until they’ve had breakfast, got changed, brushed their teeth and made their bed.
If you’re feeling super-efficient, get yourself up, sorted and ready for work earlier than them.
That way, once they rise, your focus can be on them entirely until it’s time for you all to go.
2 They won't tidy messy bedrooms
Solution: A recent study looking at how more than 100 parents dealt with their naughty children found compromising led to better behaviour in the long run.
If you give a child or an adult an ultimatum, they’ll feel boxed in and likely to kick-back against authority.
Take the heat out of the situation and suggest a compromise.
For example, they can’t have a friend over tomorrow unless they tidy. Or they can put everything away except the train tracks/craft box as they’ll play with that again tomorrow.
It’s worth giving incentives too. Tell them that if their room is tidy then you can play outside with them too. Most kids want quality parent time more than anything and you’ll be surprised at what they’ll do to get it.
If the sun’s shining and you’ve had a busy day at work, some football or playing with the sprinkler in the garden could be just the reboot you need as a parent, too.
3 They won't go to bed, you're tired
Solution: Parenting while you’re tired is arguably the most difficult thing in the world.
Studies have found fatigued mums and dads show more irritability, less patience and increased frustration towards their children.
Take yourself away from the heat source for a minute and realign your thoughts. Practice a breathing technique to stay calm like the 4-7-8. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, hold your breath for seven seconds, and then breathe out through your mouth to a count of eight.
Do this a few times until you feel your stress levels decrease — then compromise.
Give them an extra 15 minutes up, but do something together you’ll all enjoy. And make sure they realise they have to go to bed when the time is up.
MOST READ IN FABULOUS
4 Playdate cancels, you drop your plans
Solution: This is an immovable situation that won’t change no matter how much you worry about it, so don’t.
Concentrate on what you can control — which is how much fun the children can have today.
Distract yourself with a busy day of another kind. If you can afford a treat, take them to the zoo or the local swimming pool.
If you can’t, cook at home together or go to the park or on a nature hunt. The National Trust has plenty of ideas for free days out and rather than see it as a problem, embrace it as an opportunity to have an unplanned free day with the kids.
Make them the centre of attention and you’ll distract yourself from the amount of things you were supposed to be doing.
Whatever you do, don’t try and multitask. You’ll do both badly and end up getting annoyed with yourself — and them.
5 They won't keep the noise down
Solution: Anyone who’s ever erupted at their kids will know it does very little other than leave you feeling awful as a parent and both of you in a bad mood.
Recent studies have found a decline in children’s free play in recent decades is linked to increased levels of depression, anxiety and helplessness in kids.
So with that in mind, try and focus on the fact they’re playing, albeit loudly.
If you do shout at them, keep it isolated. Don’t use examples of other times they’ve annoyed you or not done as they’re told.
A child who’s being shouted at for one thing then reminded of all the other times they’ve misbehaved will end up feeling detached.
Handing out a punishment of no screens or no TV is fine but make sure it correlates with what they’ve done.
A week’s punishment for a few minutes of misbehaving isn’t in alignment, no matter how much you might want to ban them from the Xbox until they’re 18.
6 They can't entertain themselves
Solution: Set a side some time every day for them to bother you.
Many children are used to getting what they want when they want it so a lesson that the universe doesn’t revolve around them isn’t a bad one to learn.
Don’t make their behaviour about you either.
The crux of the issue is that they want the printer fixed or their bike helmet found, not that they’re purposefully trying to annoy or distract you.
The fact you have to make a phone call or cook dinner is inconsequential to them.
Help them to use their initiative and start thinking independently by allocating time where they can sort the problem out themselves.