Audi RS4 review: the car for every stage of your life – from boy racer to family man and onto midlife crisis
From the first moment you hit the road as a youngster in an A1, to the A8 that will dutifully ferry relatives to your final send-off - there really is an Audi for all stages of life
THERE’S an Audi for every stage of life.
Stage one: Freedom. First car, open road. You’re young, no ties, but your bank balance isn’t particularly swollen, so you start with an A1 or A3.
Stage two: Responsibility. You settle down, have children, get a dog. Now you need something bigger. An A4, perhaps, or a Q3 or a Q5. The Q7 is for those who don’t use birth control.
Stage three: Midlife crisis. You need compensating for that thinning thatch and wobbly belly. Ah, yes. The Audi TT convertible.
Stage four: Funeral. Don’t fret. Audi is with you right to the end. Your loved ones can be delivered to your send-off in a chauffeur-driven A8.
So, there you have it. Audi and the four rings of life.
But having said all that, there is one car that does it all. The Audi RS4.
It will make you love driving again, as well as being your labrador blender.
It will be your penis extension at the lights, as well as being your comfy limo.
I pretty much love the RS4. It’s a ballistic, maximum grip family estate, brilliantly executed inside and out, albeit for a serious chunk of cash.
So what’s new exactly?
Audi has scrapped the naturally-aspirated 4.2-litre V8 from the old RS4 and replaced it with a down-sized 2.9-litre bi-turbo V6 from the new RS5.
Don’t boo. Hear me out.
It packs the same 450 horses, there’s a massive upsurge in torque, it nails 0-62mph six tenths quicker in 4.1 seconds, and it still sounds the nuts. Top speed can be raised from 155mph to 174mph if you tick the right box.
Other things to note. The quattro all-wheel-drive with sport rear differential inspires total confidence to take on any road in any conditions. Sunday’s snow was fun.
It’s 80kg lighter. The boot is bigger. CO2 is dramatically lower. It’s £1,400 cheaper than the Mercedes-AMG V8 C63 estate. And the interior is close to faultless. But you know that, it’s an Audi.
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Toasty bear-hug sports seats, head-up display, 12.3in digital driver’s display, plus the driving position, steering, the layout of the controls, the look of it all – all beautiful.
I’ll be out when Audi calls to collect it.
VERDICT: Your life partner.